[HrtBrkn]

The symptoms listed are related to the 'whippets' not pot.

Yes I understood that is what you were posting the symtoms for. I know its a serious drug even though he says its 'legal' , its legal for anesthesia use or for whip cream not for temporary high.

He is in denial about being a drug addict. Just bc its not heroine or cocaine doesnt mean he doesnt have a problem. I have had oxycotin, vicodin, fiorecet and tylenol with codeine prescribed for my shoulder and neck pain. I filled the prescriptions and tried each one but I hate the way they make me feel especially since I have to take care of the boys so I dont take them. I rather feel the pain than not be able to function. I noticed that he would take them when he got 'really bad' headaches. He definitely has a problem or on the verge of overly abusing drugs. Should I mention this to a lawyer?

[Guest]

As I said in my original post, you need a "junk yard dog" for a lawyer. Find one tomorrow after you call for a copy of all of your tax records for the last X number of years (perhaps as long as you've been married).

If you can't change the locks by law...then do something else....look into a protection order, stalker laws, etc. I know, you don't think he'd do any of those things, but honestly, you had no idea he was leading a double life either...obviously something is up with him....Drugs, women, gambling, bad investments...something.

That's also why I would get copies of every financial statement your name is on. DON'T FORGET to call every credit card company your name is on or you have access to and get those frozen, stopped, capped or whatever you can to prevent further "financial abuse". Frequently when people are in serious debt, especially to the IRS, they "live" off of credit card and running up more debt.

The debt to the IRS WILL NEVER GO AWAY until it is settled. They have the right to chase/pursue you until you pay or die (then they attach to your estate). A JYD attorney can find out a lot of information and it will cost you, but there may be a way to get him to pay your legal fees (I have NO IDEA). Don't be intimidated by him being a lawyer, it's good to know, but means little at this point. Pull your head out of the sand and get a grasp on figuring out how much he has earned, all of these years, and where it went, all of these years.

Two things I learned that were CRUCIAL in my ugly, headline making, divorce were: 1) Buy a microcassette recorder, a stack of blank tapes and some extra batteries....use it to record thoughts, record voice mails, threats, ideas you may have while driving to the grocery store, etc. 2) DOCUMENT EVERYTHING !! Get a good journal of some sort where you can keep dates, times and brief accurate notes Ex: "1/23/11 Bill picked up boys for bowling and ice cream at 4:08 PM returned them home at 8:16 PM" My example may sound stupid and so might my idea, but you'd be surprised how helpful these types of notes MAY help you down the road.

I can almost guarantee that things will get ugly/worse before they get better. If you have any jewelry, weapons, silver, valuables of any kind (that can be used or pawned) take them to your parent's home for safe keeping. Stocks, bonds, etc., those too.

I had 17 hours of recorded conversation between my ex and me, along with two volumes of hand written notes and it was very beneficial for us (me and our children) when we went to court.

An advocate for the children is also another good idea. You may be able to get one appointed by the court or find your own. An advocate's only purpose is to speak for those that cannot speak for themselves....young children. They do not get involved in the mess between mom and dad. They are also a very powerful tool (their testimony) when you go to court. Most courts are not fond of parents that don't parent and aren't in their children's lives. An advocate will note this and testify in court about it.

Since debt is HUGE and going to be a HUGE part of this matter, I would spend a fair amount of my time, you, not a lawyer, finding out all that you can about "your/his" financial situation. I repeat....Contact all of the credit card companies...contact the big three credit reporting bureaus and get a copy of each credit report. The big three are Experian, Equifax and Trans Union. Look them up on the Internet, call them and request copies of your report from them...each are a little different than the others....see if you can get them sent to another address (maybe, maybe not) or ask them to be sent to you via certified mail with YOUR signature required. Tell them you believe that your mail is stolen from time to time and you are very concerned about identity theft….they will do what they have to in order to get them to YOU.

While I am male, I went through this too….a divorce with two young children (15 months and 3.5 years at the time), so I’ve lived it.

I will be happy to help you by answering any questions you have.

[HrtBrkn]

I'm not sure what to do. I posted the same original post on webanswers.com and a lawyer there is giving me the advice of not getting an aggressive lawyer bc its just a waste of time and my money. THis is his quote:

If you came into my office, I would not take your case more than likely. I couldn't be paid enough up front to make sure I wasn't working for free very soon. If you were headed for bankruptcy, I would not see a dime more. Any good attorney would think like I do.

This thing about aggressive attorneys doesn't work. It makes more for the attorney or trouble for you than it accomplishes. If an attorney takes what little you could pay, fights like until that is gone, then you are dropped, you aren't better off and you just wasted time and money and you ****ed your lawyer husband off who might not pay what he has said he will.

Do youthink this might be true? I personally dont have money but my parents will help me in that respect and I am sure my sister will also.

[auntie_awesome]

Oh my goodness, he is a lawyer? Yeah, I'm standing by what I said. You need to find an aggressive lawyer who is better than him and will take him down. Plain and simple...this is all about protecting you and the kids now.

Also, payment plans. That is how my sister was able to get her divorce...and if she had gotten a passive lawyer, her ex would have walked all over her. He lied over and over again in court and because my sister's divorce lawyer was good, she called him on it all and he got in trouble. Once his own lawyer found out about how much he had lied to her...she quit. Right in front of the judge.

Call lawyers in your area for a consultation, don't rely on online "lawyers" to help you. Even with us...you don't know who we are and what we do...you certainly don't know if that advice is coming from someone on your side.

[Guest]

I too am sticking by my JYD lawyer need. No offense, but most busy lawyers I know, don't have time to be messing around on the Internet giving pompous, arrogant, only in it for the money like the zero you quoted above. The problem with law is that it has become an "industry" and is no longer a profession.

Not having money and not wanting to go deeper into debt, or at least as little as possible (I assume) menas that your parents and your sister "help out" by watching the children why you are in the library, or some place away from the children so get can get some work done, and doing as much of this as you can.

The legal industry is set up so most of the lawyers are bed buddies with most of the judges and it's all a racket....you scratch my back your "honor" and I'll give you a check for your re-election campaign. So like someone else suggested, look for an attorney outside of your county, who doesn't have day to day contact with the judges in your county, thus breaking the "bed buddy" racket.

Financials is the first place to attack. Credit card companies (call them all), mortgage company, auto loans, any other debts are first. Then call the IRS at that toll free number someone gave you and get copies of past years (all of them) tax records. Then call the big three credit bureaus....don't forget about your "concern" that your mail might be getting stolen so they'll send you your credit reports certified mail (hubby can't sign for them).

Look into "alternate" ways of protecting you and the children.... I would certainly check with local law enforcement or somebody else who knows regarding the changing of the locks...what if he gets ugly? threatens you?

Since your parents and/or your sister may be helping you hire a lawyer, maybe they can help you find a lawyer? Ask how many family law cases they handle in a month, quarter, 6 mos. and yearly basis? How many have they "won" for their clients? How many family law cases have gone to court vs being negotiated? A lot of these so called family lawyers are really good at "negotiating" a "reasonable" settlement for their clients because they don't have the smarts or the guts to actually take it to court. Be careful of "top negotiators" all they are is wind bags with fat wallets....

Eat nutritious, well balanced meals. Consider taking a multi vitamin. Keep yourself healthy. Try to get some sleep ( I know it's difficult, it was for me and weight fell off too). Stay away, as much as you can, from junk food or an over abundance of comfort foods. Don't let yourself go. If you're going to be doing a lot of the work to create your own case, you need to be as mentally and physically sharp as possible.

[HrtBrkn]

Thanks so much for your advice and support everyone.

Tomorrow I am going to bring my son to school and then go to the child support agency in my area with my father.

I am going to ask them what else I can do at the moment while I decide my next steps and start looking for that junkyard dog lawyer. I also will ask the child support agency how to get or who to contact to get an exclusive occupancy of the home order so my estranged husband cannot come and go as he pleases into our home without my permission. Like you said I need to protect myself and children. I could never go to sleep until my husband came home (I would wait up on the couch) and now that he is gone its so much scarier even though we have an alarm.

My mom slept over last night and tonight too and tomorrow my sister is going to stay with me all week even though its going to be a trek for her to go to work in the morning.

My sister also told me that she has a childhood friend that is a DA in NY so she is going to ask around her circle of lawyer friends for a real tough kickass divorce lawyer.

This week I guess I will get all the financial stuff sent to me and taken care of. This is all good stuff you guys told me to do. It will help advance my situation and also helps keep my mind active and not allowing me to wallow to much in my sadness. I will try to eat healthy, I dont even have an appetite right now, a multivitamin is a good idea.

Thanks everyone for all your support even though we are strangers it really does mean alot that you have all taken the time to console and help me.

[Guest]

Please make sure that when you request copies of financial statements being mailed to you that you tell the sender that, A) You are concerned about IDENTITY THEFT and/or B) That you believe that your mail has been stolen in the past.

It's important that you receive things by certified mail, only you can sign for them, if you receive them at home, or better yet, have them sent to your sister's address or mom& dad's. This will be difficult I imagine because re-routing of mail is how ID theft often starts....

Don't forget to make the phone calls to ALL of the credit companies.....like ASAP....as he may be out using them RIGHT NOW !

Document, document, document......

[HrtBrkn]

I only have 2 credit cards with him. He is the primary card holder and I am an added person so I dont believe I would be held responsible for that credit card debt. I do have one card that is just mine that I had from b4 marriage. WHen the crads that we both have would be denied I would use it in case of emergency. I have about 1K spent on that bc he only puts very limited amounts of money in our joint so I would only be paying the minimum each month. Last month though I saw he deposited over 500 in the joint, not sure why but as soon as I saw it on my online banking I quickly used it to pay my personal card a big chunk of money. I hate credit card debt or any kind of debt in general. I never spend more than I earned, and I am very frugal even now.

[HrtBrkn]

Ok one thing done! I filed for child support first thing this morning, just got home now. Going to call IRS and get the tax info for the past 5 years sent to me.

[Guest]

I would call those two card companies...NOW and, if nothing lese, have your name taken off of them, so six months from now he can't claim in court that you ran up credit on either of those cards. Believe me, he's gonna try and do a lot of things that you would have never guessed hw would do. You will be surprised. I know I was...

"War" has been declared, so it's game on. You better assume that he has been planning, strategizing and organizing this for weeks if not months, so you have some catching up to do.

Bought a microcassette recorder yet? They're about $20.00 at the store with the red bullseye. Tapes are about $2.00 each or three pack for about $6.00. Good batteries about $1.50 each or four pack of AA for $6.00. You'll be amazed at how many times you'll be driving and think of something and won't be able to write it down but you can talk into the recorder....

Does he have his own frim/law office or is he an employee or partner of a law firm? Your JYD attorney will be able to subpoena his W-2's (it's very difficult for you to do...it's possible, but difficult).

I hope you have a productive day. There is a lot to do.