[Guest]

Congrats! That first thing was a biggy! One down, 237 more to go....just kidding! Though sometimes it will feel that way.

Remind me later on, as I tend to forget and only if you're interested, that I have a small library of books (titles) that I read that helped me get through, helped me understand what to expect, helped me understand the impact on my angels...er children, helped deal with custody issues, etc. I will be happy to share those with you too (In the Books Thread that Wild Child started).

I wasn't a big reader, and I'm putting the cart way before the horse here, but making myself read helped to prevent myself from crying and was easy to explain to my children.

[Guest]

Keep your chin up! You will get through this. There are perfect strangers in this forum that care about you.

Try not to get over whelmed with all that you have to do. Break each day down into 24 individual hours and assign a goal/job to each one if that helps you.

[HrtBrkn]

Thanks!! ANother thing down, ordered tax return transcripts for 2007, 2008, 2009. They only give you the last 3 yrs. Ok now to get credit reports and then call the credit cards to get as many past statements as possible.

Thursday I am going to go to Family Court to get an exclusivity of occupancy so he cant come into our home while this is going on without my consent. The woman at the child support agency said I should also seek a restraining order as well just to be safe. I cant go tomorrow morning bc I need to register my son for school next year and then on wednesday I have to go for pain management trigger point injections.

[Ashlee T.]

You are on the ball woman! And that speaks VOLUMES about you....in a very very good way. It will take time, work and lots of patience....there will be highs when you feel you've got everything covered, and lows where you want to lay in bed and cry.......but remember that HIS LOSS, is YOUR GAIN. You will be a happier woman and a happier mother for it.

[WildChild]

You have the info you need to get credit reports for both of you.You can go to, annual credit report dot com for free credit reports. If you are informed that there is a freeze on your information that will tell you something right there. In that case it may require a court order to get a copy of his report.

Here is where you can get copies of your credit reports for free. That will tell you how many credit accounts there really are.

[HrtBrkn]

Thanks WIldChild I remembered you said that before. I am there right now, they are only showing me the TransUnion. Wow there is more credit cards than I thought. Printed it up and starting a file for the JYD Lawyer once I find him.

[Guest]

Document, document, document.....

In six, nine or twelve months...if a judge asks you when you took your name off of the two credit card accounts, because $10,000 in spending has shown up over those same months, will you be able to remember (exactly)?

You will if you document it. I don't mean to sound like your former mother in law or some other nag, but you'll be surprised how many important dates, times, names of people you spoke to and when, come up over the next X period of months as you go through this process.

It's also a good idea to document in case the credit card companies, or whoever else, don't take you off of the cards as "Customer Service Rep Oxford Cloth, who I spoke to on 1/24/11 at 2:53 PM at 800 - RIP - OFFd" said he would.... I documented the start and stop times of EVERY visit with my lawyer too. Ended up saving about $600.00 in fees. Lawyers and their staffs are notorious fro "rounding up" to the next nearest quarter hour.

Which reminds me (see how poorly my brain works?)...try to find a lawyer who bills in 6 or 10 minute increments of time versus 12 or 15. That could add up to a lot of $$$$ savings as well. ALWAYS have a list of points (bullet points) that you want to discuss and be brief and concise. Ask your lawyer to be the same with you...brief, concise and to the point.

[HrtBrkn]

I guess I accomplished alot for my first day. I felt a sense of satisfaction while doing it. Now I am having a low moment. I havent even told anyone other than family. The only 'friends' I had were mutual ones. I am sure I am like many women before me that have gone through this and just keep trying to figure out why? What makes a husband, father, financial provider of a family easily pick up and move out with no discussion and abandon his family like this? He said this was good for me too because I will now have my own freedom. ???!!!! Freedom? With two boys 4 and 2yrs? No friends or family close to me? We live 45 minutes from my family. Im still in so much pain from the car accident? I have doctors visits and proceedures, prescriptions, therapy etc to prove it. I have a torn tendon in my shoulder that did not fully heal. I have neck bulges and herniations that cause constant headaches and a vibrating pain from neck to shoulder to elbow to wrist. My lower back has injury as well and has totally given out on me. I cant relax and not use these muscles as the Dr prescribes bc I have a 2 year old, who by the way is about 40lbs and strong and active as an ox.
I dont feel sorry for myself I just feel so sad and disappointed that this is what he made such a nightmare out of our dreams to raise a family. I feel rejected and almost like I wasted over 8yrs of my life on him. ALMOST only bc I do have two wonderful little boys that are the rays of light in my life and are getting me through this. I just pray to God that they do not turn out like him.
He could have handled this differently, if he said he needed time to think or breathe away from us for lets say a month it wouldnt have been so bad. I wouldnt have liked it but at least it would have been like a reorganization of his thoughts to work on himself and return to his family with a clearer head. But to make such a big decision like this without even discussing it with me and acting on his decision so quickly is so unforgiveable.
He has been planning this awhile too. I found a picture on his phone of store flyer with prices for mattresses on Dec 20. On MLK day he sent a txt to his partner that he was having bathroom issues at home and was going to be late to work ... not true and he left early that day. A female client of his sent him a message this past friday congratulating him on his BIG DAY on Sunday and how at Peace he was going to finally be. At peace? He has a non peaceful life? He has a typical family life with 2 toddler boys and a wife who loves/loved him and made his home life easy. All he ever had to do was take out the trash and help the boys pick up toys in the living room. He didnt do anything else. It just would have been nice if he were home more to enjoy it.

[Guest]

HUUUUGS !! To you and those angels of yours. Hold 'em tight mom. Read 'em their favorite bedtime stories. Try not to kick yourself with the details of his planning.

You've had a very full day. Feel relief that you accomplished what you did. Take some time for yourself and try to relax or unwind. Drink a cup of something warm.

This is a great place to vent..... We're all ears....

[Ashlee T.]

I am sure I am like many women before me that have gone through this and just keep trying to figure out why?

You will exhaust yourself if you try to answer this. Though it's so natural to want to know the answer. True peace and acceptance will come when you realize it's a question not worth answering. That may take a while....but you'll get there. It may take alot of talking and venting to friends and family (including us!)...but you will get there.

He has been planning this awhile too.

This part hurts as bad as any of it....the deceit. Like I said before, be prepared for more....there is more to his story than he has told you. A coworker telling him congratulations on his big day and that he'll finally be at peace....... that's just a strange message. It's just so very likely he's been living a double life...this could mean anything from simply being someone else when he's away from home, to having affair or affairs with women, to having affair or affairs with men (not sure if this is a possibility or not), to being very addicted to drugs, etc. Reality tells us that with his financial issues, distance from his family even when he was living there, abrupt living with no effort to reconcile, there is certainly more than just an unhappy dude who decides to have freedom from his family.

Don't be too hard on yourself during your down times. You're only human. The light at the end of all this is going to be so bright for you and your boys.