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Is Text Messaging Cheating?

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  • Is Text Messaging Cheating?

    I found out two days ago that my husband had been text messaging and calling a woman he met on a business trip. This has been going on for about 5 months. He swears nothing else happened--that it was just flirting. I feel like I am dying right now. We've had a great marriage and I don't know why he would do something like this.

  • the first thing you need to do is relax.
    It could be nothing.
    For example, she might be old enough
    to be his mother and their 'flirting' is
    pure fun.

    Of course, maybe this is not true, but
    use it as truth for this minute.

    REalise that your husband might be
    in a pre adultery mode, and get
    some adultery insurance...there's
    a topic here on that.

    Get that first before going any farther.


    • Your husband was keeping this a secret from you! So if you don't think it is as far as cheating then he is a liar. And if he is a liar than who know if you can trust anything he tells you about the situation. It will take a while for you to trust again. Good luck, if you love eachother you will work it out.


      • Flirting for pure fun?!!! Flirting...time away from flirting with, talking to , and enjoying his wife. If there is nothing going on why was it a secret? He already told you he is flirting with this woman. Talk about it and see what you/he wants or dump him! He should be devoting that time to his wife/family/marriage, not some other woman. Good luck to you.

        Grandchildren make my heart smile.


        • When it comes to this kind of on line or on phone
          texting, I need an extra piece of the pie to rule
          out certain points.

          The reason I'm so slow footed in this area
          is due to 'Lisa'. Lisa happens to be a near
          quadraplegic. She has been in a wheel chair
          most of her life and only has the use of one
          weak hand.

          She has put a lot of macros on her electronic
          communications...(she's actually a brilliant
          programmer)...she's not fast, (obviously) but

          On the Internet, Lisa has created a persona
          with the acrobatic skill of 'Trinity' (of the
          Matrix) and as sexy and provocative as possible.

          Now can you imagine a wife seeing the
          flirtatious posts of Lisa on her husband's
          phone, (they had worked on a game and
          had this 'office marriage'...you know what
          I mean?) and stomping into the office with
          the "Where's the gal Lisa!" REady to kick
          some very serious booty...

          and there is Lisa, not looking too sexy in
          her wheelchair.

          Well the wife nearly dropped dead on the
          spot, was never so embarrassed in her life.

          Now, I'm not saying that TNs husband is
          flirting with Lisa or a Lisa clone, but I'd
          just like to know what his 'Lisa' looks like.

          Sure, she could be all that...but I just
          would want to make sure that this isn't
          one of those situations.


          • Sorry But There May Be A Chance That He Is Cheating On You. Thats How My Relationshiop Started With A Married Man. It Was Just Flirting And Then We Exchanged Phone Numbers And We Worked Together And Went On Business Trips. His Wife Found The Phone Bill And Was Wondering The Same Thing You Are. Why Is Her Number On The Bill So Much For Text Messages And Phone Calls. But He Just Told Her That We Worked Together And Thats All. It Was A Mistake And I Regret It. Dont Let This Situation Go Just Because He Says Its Nothing But Flirting. Flirting Leads To Other Things. Women Know When Their Man Is Cheating Especially If Your Married To Him. If You Have A Feeling He Is Cheating Then He Probabley Is. Women's Intuition. I Feel That Text Messageing Is A Form Of Cheating Because Im Sure They Are Talking About Some Foul Things. Sorry But I Been There And Thats Just How It Goes. The Good News Is He Wont Leave You For Her. Married Men Never Leave Their Wives.


            • Kaylar...I am sorry but I disagree with you. You make it sound like a woman in a wheelchair couldn't be sexy and vibrant. You make it sound like the handicapped cannot tease, flirt and otherwise entice a man away from his wife. I say that no matter what this person looks like, no matter her age or anything else, he should not be calling her and texting her.

              TNSuperteacher, you need to find out what he has been doing with her for the past 5 months and exactly what they did on the business trip after he met her. AND how many times they have met since he has been back home. I don't trust him, and I don't even have to know him.

              Grandchildren make my heart smile.


              • As I now say, three times...there is a possibility
                that it may not be as major as it seems.

                Lisa was working on a project with X's husband.
                In the office.
                That's where they knew each other.
                That's where they saw each other.
                That is where the relationship began and ended.

                Tho' the posts might...taken out of context--
                looked somewhat suspicious..
                the fact is they were not.

                Many of the remarks concerned the game
                they were working on, and many of the
                'lovey' posts like...
                "I couldn't survive w/o u!"
                were because Lisa had caught a glitch he

                So although I'd like to jump with both
                feet and shout..."Yes! This is Cheating!"
                Having known Lisa and the husband and
                actually seeing the performance of the wife...
                I would just say...be suspicious but also
                a little bit cautious.


                • I would flip out and confiscate his phone - the only person he could be flirting with is you!!
                  Oh yes, the cutting edge of police work, crunkie is spelt with an 'ie' Goody not a 'y'.
                  **Leader of the Neil Finn Appreciation Group**


                  • Ol dude's been keeping it a secret for 5 months, so it's not just "innocent flirting". What's up with the secret flirting? What's he hiding?

                    He kept it a secret for a reason.
                    He knew his wife wouldn't like it.


                    • I agree with ^^ completely

                      There's no such thing as innocent flirting
                      Oh yes, the cutting edge of police work, crunkie is spelt with an 'ie' Goody not a 'y'.
                      **Leader of the Neil Finn Appreciation Group**


                      • It happened to me

                        I can't believe I stumbled onto this site. I am dealing with the same thing. A year ago I caught my husband in a "text message affair" and he did it again to me a year later. Last year I expressed how I felt it was cheating and I wouldn't put up with it. I don't know what to do. We have 2 kids -- a 3 month old baby and a 2 year old. I don't want to break up our family, but I also don't want this in my marriage. I feel like I've been hit by a bus. I can't even look at him. He explained that it was harmless flirting and didn't see anything wrong with it. Well -- we are never going to get anywhere or recover from this if he doesn't see the severity of it. I can't believe he did this to me AGAIN, after promising never to make me feel like this again.
                        To add fuel to the fire he also has a drinking problem. That night I found the text message he went into feed the baby and I heard screaming from the baby a half an hour later. My husband passed out and the baby was almost on the floor. I just want to cry, I feel so depressed and hurt. I've talked to him on several occasions regarding the drinking -- but again he doesn't think it's a problem, so why change. Ahhhh, I don't know what to do. I don't want to be a pushover, but I have a family, I don't want to take my kids away from their father. However, I don't want them to be in harms way when my husband drinks.
                        I could vent for hours. Thanks to everyone for listening. I know this thread was posted months ago.


                        • It is far passed the time of talking; kmv...
                          it's leaving time.

                          Many men will do something, get caught
                          promise never to do it again, and do it again.

                          Their word means nothing.

                          Hence, don't knock yourself out...
                          leave. it gets worse.


                          • txting

                            I know how you feel. I found out that my husband has been texting with his ex lover for almost 2 years. We have been together a little over 2 years and are expecting twins in august 09. I found out by accident. I was going thru our online account with alltel and it had all these phone numbers to montana (where he is from and she lives). When I asked him about it, he lied to me and said he was talking to his friends dana and mooney. Then I looked at it one night when I couldn't sleep and the texts and phone calls were all when I was either at work or gone somewhere. Most are in the middle of the night. I confronted him and he said that she is having problems with her relationship and they just talk, so me being the person I am I told him that I could read the messages that were sent between the two of them. He got upset and said that he needed to explain that they were just joking with each other about how they missed each other and the sex talk. I felt like I couldnt breathe and I just went numb all over. It has been almost 2 weeks. I tried to pretend that I am ok with him talking to her because now that he thinks I can read the text messages he forwards them to me after she sends them and forwards what he sends her. I told him that I didnt care anymore and he could do whatever he wanted. He said I was being childish because she is in Montana and we are in Texas and that he married me and not her. My husband is strange is his in his mid 40's no children ever (cept in aug 09) and never married but to me. He said that I am the one he loves and if he wanted to be with her he would have gone back to Montana...but I wonder...I can't really see what they are talking about but just by the way he got after I told him, I wonder...
                            What I guess I am trying to say is I know how you feel. I feel like mine has cheated on me and betrayed my trust. I feel like I don't know which way is up anymore.....


                            • so me being the person I am I told him that I could read the messages that were sent between the two of them. He got upset and said that he needed to explain that they were just joking with each other about how they missed each other and the sex talk.
                              Welcome to the Forum, this is an old thread, 2007 so the threader won't reply but we will to your post.

                              You caught him out in short, it's a woman's way sometimes, i guess... make a comment see how they react and he has said to you " they talk about sex talk"..

                              You can take this two ways, (1) that they had a way of communicating, via text messages, before... And, ask yourself, if this missing in your lives?

                              I know your pregnant and "congratulations" that's awesome. Twins!!!

                              But you've established they started when you two started out, that's not right...

                              He did marry you, but, showing you what she is writing now and then his replies?

                              I need to ask you this, WHY is he still texting her? And him her?

                              he forwards them to me after she sends them and forwards what he sends her.
                              The moment he realized he hurt his wife. He should have telephoned her, in front of you and said, I have made a grave mistake, I love my wife and what i have done is wrong, sorry but this has to now stop.

                              So, not much consolation to you but, ask him to do exactly that....

                              The trust has been broken I am not sure how you will fix this, it's sad that he thinks stupidly yes, that's my opinion, that he can still text her and her him and get you to read them?

                              I don't get this...

                              You need to also concentrate on you at the moment and your babies, and tell yourself you will deal with this in September, and not now as well somehow...

                              That's sad, sorry....

                              Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 05-16-2009, 03:05 AM.
                              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!



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