[littleprincess]

Hi ladies, this is going to be a long and shocking one..

I was dating the guy for a year. He liked me i liked him at first, but there were a few things from my past that i didnt tell him right away when he asked e.g 'how many guys have u dated, are you a virgin' etc. I lied at the time when he asked because i was scared i would lose him and so he believed me for a short while untill he found out himself from other ppl and the other people whi were involved with me, so when he confronted me i couldnt lie but was reluctent to tell him the truth still as i was scared he would just leave me, my feelings had grown strong for him.

We are both traditional, to an extent, meaning we come from traditional families, who are sort of strict religious wise, so we couldnt be so open about our relationship.

Anyway, i tried to tell him that i made mistakes and that they were in the past and thar i love him and want him..we had a break for about a month, and then i found out he was seeing thus other girl, his ex. Im 21 and the guy is 31, him and his ex had been together for 3years and shes 26.

He told he that he didnt love her and wanted to get rid of her and she was too clingy and he was scared she would kill herself sohe wanted to break away cleanly and nicely. Hes very manitpulative and i believed him at the time, so we were still together, but i wanted to marry him.

I wanted hinm to love me and marry me. He said that he needed to get over a few facts that had disturbed him and upsetted him about me,that i wasnt the 'clean' or 'innocent'girl he thought i was,that i hurt him and devistated him.

I went abroad for a month to new zealand,and when i came back to london my mind was refreshed and i believed that i dont diserveto be treated this way and he will never make up his mind whether he wants me on a serious level or just as a toy.

I blocked him froj my mind and i was becoming to be ok, when 2weeks into my arrival he came to my house begging my mum and me that he loves me and wants to prove it to me by asking my dad for my hand in marriage.

I believed him. . . I went through it and became excited and his older sister and brother came to my house to discuss and ask for my hand in marriage ( this is how our cultures plays , his parents are abroad so whateve family member he has rerpresents him while in the firststages), and they came two times and on the2nd ti e we accepted.

I went out with him yday and i was so happy.i was choosing my dress.

He got 13missed calls on his phone and was hiding his phone from me,so i grabbed it, and it was the ex girlfriend.

She was shocked and confused to why i picked up, then i new, she new what was going on. Hehad been playing me. For a year.

The day his sister and brother came to my house, he was not present, culture wise, but the girl told me he was with him on that day. They had sex. And he expressed his love towards her. It was only 4days ago.

I started crying and shaking. And i left calling him a lier and cheat. He keot kn saying"the girls lying, shes obsessed she wants to ruin everytihg', i new he was lying. The first time i found out at the begnining of the relationship, i set him up bycalling the ex to come at the same place,and whenhe saw her,he jst smiled and left. So i new that if itried to do the same he would jsust walk away.


He sent his family tomy house to propose , he tells me he loves me..

He then text me last night sayin,

'you deserve even worse i only revenge nothing esle.u established a relationship with me based on a lie and hurt me,this is what u and ur family gets and it feels gooooood'

Then

'im so happy loool why should i soend my precious time and money with you?u aint worth it mate,hjust revenge,and jt coukdnt have been sweeter,what a waste if time this whole thiing was,but stillworth sticking to the game,maybe you shouldnt have been a and spent timr with men dsy in day out!? My family dont even know i was playing this game!i had to make it sound genuine.thank for that actually,you realised it all by mistake too, glad tho. Nah your clever, u found out too early although by mistake, but still '


Ok. Thats it. Im heartbroken. And lost.

My dads in dubai and im thinking of moving there to be with him for a few months. This has totally messed up my famoly here in london, my mum is groing through and its too much on her.. All my family was involved in this engagement..

I was only a joke.

[Crystalblue]

That is the most evil thing I've heard. Be grateful you found out sooner rather than later on down the line. You had the strength to move on from him before, you can do it again. I'm sorry your emotions were played like that. You do deserve better. As you said, you're not a toy. People like that will continue to behave the same way in all their relationships. He was even cold enough to twist his own family into this. Don't waste time missing what was never there. Be grateful you're free of him to move on to healthier relationships. I'll pray for you to heal from this. Be strong & know you deserve better than a snake like that.

[WildChild]

Every jerk you date (or have false proposals from) is one less jerk you marry!!
I know your family with traditional views may find it painful but be glad of all the misery you have been spared. Think what your life would be like married to a man like this. Find someone who wants and values you not your hymen.

[littleprincess]

Im heartbroken....thanks girls.

My dreams and plans are jst shattered.

I dint know what to do now, it was like my life evolved around him... I feel like i need to go and stay with my dad in dubai..a new country, new people..very different to london..

[WildChild]

Sweetie think about this. What kind of "dream" includes a man like that? In Dubai you certainly aren't likely to find men who are more open than this one was. He was playing around on you but blamed you for having been in a relationship before him?
Do you think you won't find even more men that think like this in a country and culture where virginity is required of single women?
You are far more likely to find man who will want you for who you are in London.
Give yourself some time, get out with friends, have some fun. It may be hard to believe right now. but you will get over this. One day you will wonder what you saw in such a manipulative jerk.

[Crystalblue]

"where ever you go, there you are." A new place doesn't mean all your problems are left behind. Think about what you really need to move on before you make a change like that. Maybe you would feel better being with your dad, but you'd also be leaving behind your support system you have there. Just remember your life isn't over because the relationship is. I hope you find the guidance to make it through this.

[littleprincess]

Wildchild and crystalblue, thank you both so much for your replies. I appreciate it so much. Your both right....i need to work within myself before i up and go anywhere on this earth... And he was pure evil......i must have wanted to live a nightmare..not a dream...thank you both xxx

[spurzzz]

Awww what a sad story, very sorry you went through that.

Don't worry too much about him "what goes around, comes around" he will get what is due and so will you.....so chin up ye.

I hope you have the changes necessary now, like change your number and make sure he has no way to contact you again. Don't even think about reading his texts again and hoping for change....he is a sad case who you should feel sorry for, nothing more. I don't see his life going really far, do you? It is a difficult time for you, your ego just got a big battering and you may want to rectify that by "moving away" or in most cases going back to the abuser and saving face by making him change.........make sure that is not an option! You cut all contact with him and concentrate on healing yourself.

I know in asain culture "family name" is very important and reputation so that inevitably makes the pain a lot worse, hence your mum not taking it too well. The worst thing you can do now is rush into hasty decisions for other peoples sake and try to change things on a drastic scale. Time heals. Spend time with yourself, friends, family and get that confidence back up. Read self-help books if needs be to aid your recovery and know that you are not alone in all this

Sometimes life teaches us a big lesson, make sure you learnt yours never to be repeated again. The next time, watch out for the signs....

P.s. Great to have another Londoner on board! Namaste and all

[littleprincess]

Spurzzz, your wonderful.

Your spot on, another thing that scares me is " what will people think"...mainly scares my mum. But anyhow, your right.

He just text me now saying "baby im so sorry, i was angry i lost control, sorry for reacting very angrily, and hurting ur family and yourself,but its all because of you and your involvements,baby im sorry, i wont ever forgive myself.anger has taken over me".

I dont know what swear word to use on him in my mind.....god.

I havent replied back, and i wont. No way.

Im on contract and called them up so they will send me a new sim with a new number 1st class. So thatl be done.

Yes indeed,life has taught me a lesson...and in its own cruel way i guess, and now i know.

P.s What part of london are you from great to have you on this forum.

[spurzzz]

Please stop reading his texts, you wouldn't read a mad man's texts and believe them as true words would you? He is no different. Turn off your phone and switch it on when your new sim arrives. No excuses! Don't give that hussey the time of day.

It is common to worry about what other people will think in asian culture, things spread out so quick and word gets around. Don't worry about that, you cannot control what happens externally but you can internally right? Make your mum proud by being the strong daughter she has raised you to be and make it your goal to rise above this and be better for it!

Born and bred in North London me, hence the name Spurs