[monK]

You are very much able to do whatever you wish. As far as monK goes . . . I have two first names. Mon is the beginning of the first of the two and then K is the beginning of the other, which is what I usually go by. It was sort of funny. I put them together like that for a screen name and it looked like monkey. I like monkeys and that is easy to remember. So there it is. Have you ever been able to go to the top of the Sydney Harbor Bridge? The view is amazing!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

It's like we are having this private little conversation now

Oh I saw monk as in spiritual not a monkey although I have to say, I always as a child wanted a spider monkey as a pet

No but I intend to within the next 12 months. I frequent Melbourne and the Gold Coast, parts of Queensland, I have been to Brisbane and to Alice Springs & Perth for what ever reason? I haven't been to Sydney....

monK, did he go with his friends? How are things now, are you getting excited about getting employement are you firing away with requests for work?

Are you feeling better in yourself....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

monK unfortunately when I clicked on your link it isn't available in my country Go figure huh.

I am not tired of listening to you, keep posting...

I am glad that you were able to make him see how you are feeling and your emotional needs, it is sometimes difficult for some people to understand emotions and those needs...

Has he made any friends where you live or can he with his job whereby you can go out as two couples? You need to get out, remember I said volunteer? Is there anything around you that you could do that?

I know of a song that says " I just want to wish you well" I love that song and G-DAY to you as well.

I think people should read your thread and start replying not just me so you get to know some of us

[BabyGirl]

Welcome MonK.
I'm from the Seattle Area, They Call me BG here, Short for Baby Girl, which I definitely am Not .. Lol .
I'm almost 56, and the Nickname I have was Due to my coming here 13 months ago,. Have 4 kids, 36/31/14 and My Baby Girl just turned 21.

I used to be a " neighbor " of yours, I lived in the " Point" of Kentucky. 13 Miles from Grundy Va, and 16 miles From Williamson West VA.

Anyway, New City/ town or Holler and with your nursing credentials.
May I suggest volunteering at the local Hospitals, say in the Children's wards or even the Post-natal CICU.

There are so many sick children, that their parents are in the hospital for hours at a time, with barely a break. Sometimes just having someone else take an hour to be there for their child, so they can eat or take care of shopping or such. Is such a stress reliever.

You learn to know the Parents and family members and they become friends and then you at least have a start in the neighborhood. I'm sure you will be invited to gatherings, picnic's and such.

With your SO, you can have something Positive to talk about. But don't bring the Negativity of the patients in. Just the Positive that you felt or learned that day.

Anyway, there are so many people here that can help you, support you and even sometimes gently Chatize you .. lol
Had it done to myself many times, but I love the people here as friends. even if some are younger than me ..

I Hear what they write and Feel what I read ! and Visa versa with that .

Take care Miss MonK

[monK]

Chandlers Wish - that's the one. By the Bernard Fanning. We listened to that song every morning while we were in Australia, before hitting the road.

BG - that's a good suggestion. I was also thinking about volunteering at a Women's Shelter, since I have been through some of those times. I have some family in West Virginia and Kentucky, although I don't know where. Used to live in the Mountains of North Carolina, then Eastern NC, and now the Piedmont. Thanks for posting. Hopefully we could keep in contact through the forum. I do need a paying job, though. I have lots of medical bills and I have to pay off a loan by working full time as a RN in the state of NC. Hopefully the hospital that I owe money to can help take a load of it off through Charity Care. It's nice to meet you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Love that song

Hun do you wan't to talk about "those times?" And what medical bills you have?

[monK]

Well, I suppose I would if it were to help someone else. I'm not afraid to talk about it. I've been to counseling to help me to not be so afraid. My life has been pretty rough since I was little. I still came out of the battle field where I think is the top. My fiance is in no way abusive. He understands my story.

I have hospital bills. Everything else was paid for through years of payments since I was fourteen (yes, I paid those personally) and then charity care. I had hospital, health department, urology, gyneo-urology, imaging, radiological, diagnostic lab testing, and collection agency bills to pay. I have not had health insurance for most of my life. Then, the hospital where I used to work began looking at my efforts to have paid my bills. They called me and asked me to apply for Charity Care. We went through my finances and found that I was absolutely eligible. So Charity Care paid off all those other debts as well, because those other places were owned by the hospital. They also told me to stop making payments on my dad's bills which were the ones that came about before I turned 18 years old. He told me to pay them so that I wouldn't "f-up his credit." They (he and my mother) had just bought a house when he told me that. Actually, when I came back from Australia, I went to the bank to get money to pay for my car insurance. Since I was underage I had to have a joint account with my mother. When I got to the bank I found that my account had been cleared. My mother had withdrawn that money to help pay for the downpayment on the house. That made me mad because I could never do what I wanted there. But I ran that household anyway.

Sorry to extend that so much. I get mad again when I think about it because they didn't apologize to me. That wasn't the first time that they stole from me either. All that money in the account was money that I had earned through work. None of it was hers and I never thought she would do that. She didn't tell me either. She knew I was going to the bank and didn't so anything. I found out when I got there. Her not saying anything tells me that she does have a conscience about such things because she felt guilty.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

monK you are such a treasure thinking of other people no wonder you've chosen nursing.

Firstly, thank you for sharing..

I guess it's from all those problems that has had you back and forth in and out of hospitals that has guided you to be a nurse where when this happens, you will shine, as you help others in life....

I'm sorry your parents stole from you, but you know, she will live with that guilt I imagine that they would leave that house to you, in their Will and think that's compensation after all you were only young you didn't need the money, which is not right as your Father made you pay his billls, that's not on, work and we'll take your money.... I imagine that there they thought well we had to clothe you all those years, feed you. They justified.

But, honey it's a skeleton in their closet they have to live with and it's hard to be so in-dependent, work to survive and one day have nothing, yet you know you had it there and you didn't mis-use it others did on your behalf, that creates pain and anger.

May I ask, did you ever get closure on that? Did you ever let them know exactly how you feel? Have you ever written it all down so you can "breathe".....

Keep job-hunting, believe it's there in your reach, smile everytime you go for that interview ...

[monK]

My parents didn't always take care of me and my brother the way they should have. They smoke (pot and tobacco) and drink a lot. Don't get me wrong, they are not the worst people in the world, but that is a big part of their problem. I have fed and clothed them, not only the other way around. I have talked to someone in counseling about it, and although unintentionally on her part, she reinforced my idea that I was just whining. Sure other people in the world have it worse than me and they never have the means to crawl out of that hole, but that doesn't mean my feelings don't count. That is something that I have learned. That I'm not crazy. That I have a right to feel bad if I do feel bad. I am a human being. My fiance is very good at reinforcing those learned ideas as well. I do get angry sometimes because they will never change. They are not very active at making our relationships (that of them and my brother and I). But I still thank God that I had them around. At least I know where I come from because it helps me to see and remember where I want to go (and of course where I am). I have grown a lot. I don't blame myself for getting raped by my Dad's friend who used to sell pot to him, and I don't punch myself in the thighs and head when I'm angry. I have new ways to deal with it. I have lots of scars and some resentment. I have tried writing it down, but the pages are covered and endless. I would rather not re-live some of those memories. However, I am working on writing a letter to my dad. My mother already knows my feelings towards her. It is painful to be angry at people you really love. But, then again, their growth and development is stunted due to years of marijuana use, not to mention their memories.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You are a very wise girl and very understanding with sometimes what life dishes out is not our fault, not created by us but by others.

When I was young, I fell of the swing... Instead of my Mother picking me up as it hurt, and hold me to stop me from crying, she laughed with my Grandma (it probably looked funny) and said "get up, you're alright"..

In one way I felt un-loved by that moment and others to come....

In another way, as I matured, everything I did, "I got up"..I remember at 14 rollerskating, falling over, getting up, falling over, getting up I wasn't going to fail, my arm was so swollen from the falls, inflamed but I kept going.... That lesson, when I was a little girl continued throughout my life and I have no fear and I will and do get up everytime I fall, be it in reality or be it in business or relationships and that lesson was the best lesson I ever got...

If I went through life whining then I would never have seen it as a lesson...

You didn't whine you needed clarity of why? And, understanding of none of it was your fault but that of your parents but in that you have love as well whereby the anger is explained to a degree, that's a gift you will take with you and pass on to your children, what you won't be like as a parent and I guess in a way you feel sorry for them because that was / is their life and they can not change.

I get mad at those whom take what is not theirs....

In that, I mean rape.

Off course, I don't like takers full stop but with rape? A man no matter what age knows he is taking, without someone's will and that selfishness, thoughtlessness, evilness, mames a woman for life...

Unless, they forgive, understand that it wasn't their fault be mad about it, but calm as well that you as a person is a good person and we can't stop evil from this world.

WC attached a link to a beautiful video on one of the threads here... I'll find it and post it, it's beautiful in as much as the understanding of women in this World and appreciation for who we are and all we have been through.