[kaylar]

The basic difference between Men & Women is that a man
will walk out a on woman, leaving her with three kids, and
nothing because he wants to screw some gal he met last
week, where a woman, a wise woman, slowly weans a man
from her breast.

Women, unlike men, don't often live in a gonad powered
world, where which ever way their genitals point, they go.

Women have relationships with people. Emotional, intellectual
and spiritual relationships.

It is no sense packing up and running out as if one is being
pursued by the police, when there are more gentle and wise
ways to leave.

Dogsrule is right to slowly reintroduce herself into society
and disentangle herself from the relationship in a measured
way.

[Guest]

The basic difference between Men & Women is that a man
will walk out a on woman, leaving her with three kids, and
nothing because he wants to screw some gal he met last
week, where a woman, a wise woman, slowly weans a man
from her breast.

this is absolutely not true, not to mention the biggest over-generalization i've seen on this forum to date.

in fact, this situation (at the risk of upsetting the orginal poster) defines what is stereotypically assigned to men. she's leaving him because he's fat & can't get it up.

[kaylar]

Men tend to toss terms like 'generalisation' or 'empirical evidence'
or any other such term that is currently in their venacular to express
their contempt for women who simply are not conforming to their
expectations/demands however you wish to phrase it.

When the majority of men are unfaithful to their wives...
(chose any statisical gathering body you desire)...
when the majority are unfaithful for no particular reason
save opportunity, and the word 'grateful' has never been
used as a 'cement' to keep a marriage together, it does not
lie in your mouth to dispute the fact that a woman has just
as much right to leave an unsatisfactory relationship as
a man does.

Dogsrule's method is the most humane and decent manner.
Of course, being a man, you would advise her to cut and run,
as stated in your first post.

Walking out abruptly is the hallmark of man who simply can not
be bothered to waste time on a person who no longer has any
particular value to them.

Leaving in increments is the standard of a woman who is trying
to be fair to herself and fair to the man she is leaving.

[Guest]

another catalog of unfounded generalizations.

and, if i read correctly, the purpose of this "incremental" and "gentle" transition is to make sure her financial arrangements will securely support a new, independent lifestyle.

how thoughtful.

your bitterness toward men has made you entirely irrational. if it is due to a past hurt or several, i'm sorry for your pain.

either way, it's inexcusable.

and, given that it flows freely from that bent perspective, your advice is dangerous.

i wouldn't dare place myself in the seat of judging for her whether or not she had the right to leave her marriage. i do stand, however, by the assertion i did make: it's much more thoughtful to rip off the band-aid than to draw the wound she will leave with him out like a long, slow blade.

[kaylar]

Usual male response.
You forgot to call me a lesbian feminazi.

I happen to be an attorney and involved in women's issue
for over forty years. I'm not speaking cause my husband
left me for the maid.

I have no bitterness towards men, I have, unfortunately
for you and your argument, experience.

Your posts are basically saying;

How dare this woman leave her husband just because
he can no longer participate in the marriage!

As if slavery wasn't abolished.

Dogsrule is right to get out of a dead marriage, right
to insure she is financially stable, and right to make
slow incremental steps away from the marriage.

She is on the verge of becoming that terrifying creature;
a woman who doesn't need a man to define her.

[Guest]

Your posts are basically saying;

How dare this woman leave her husband just because
he can no longer participate in the marriage!

no, actually they are saying (no need to read between the lines. they're actually pretty clear) that if she's leaving, she should do so. stringing him along through the increments is cruel, especially given she is aware that he is hoping she will stay. i never said she should or shouldn't leave.

that was one of your assumptions.

you have defined participation in a marriage as the ability to have sex & maintain a slim figure. you obviously are grossly misinformed about the function of a marriage. or, in fairness, i guess your definition is just very, very different from mine.

we all have experience, kaylar. the problem is that we often allow experiences to define us, rather than simply shape us. your experience is not unfortunate for me, though it apparently has been so for you.

the true unfortunate thing is that your experiences have evidently offered to you only a small piece of the big picture. your words betray a sadly limited perspective - like a reflection in a shard of a fractured mirror.

it may bear semblances of the true image it's designed to reflect, but it just isn't whole.

i'm sorry you feel the way you do.

[Guest]

She is on the verge of becoming that terrifying creature;
a woman who doesn't need a man to define her.

does she need her husband to define her now??

i guess i missed that.

[kaylar]

Due to your education you prefer veiled insults
and innuendos.

grossly misinformed

often allow experiences to define us,

your experience is not unfortunate for me,
though it apparently has been so for you.

rue unfortunate thing is that your experiences
have evidently offered to you only a small piece
of the big picture.

a sadly limited perspective

semblances of the true image it's designed
to reflect, but it just isn't whole.

i'm sorry you feel the way you do.



And these remarks are supposed to produce what?
Besides making you feel superior?

Are they to 'prove' that we poor penis deprived
don't see the 'Whole Picture'?

If you have not noticed; I do not delve into your personal
life, it has no bearing save if one wishes to launch personal
attacks.

You believe your vocabulary masks your actual statements,
which is erroneous.
I read your words, and hear the actual remarks you are
passing. You can not invalidate my posts, nor my experience.
You can try, you can attempt to misdirect, but your views
are obvious.

If your wife were to become fat and lazy and lose interest
in sex exactly how would you post you would handle it,
contra what you would do?

I'm sure you will post a long paean as to 'discussion' and
'attempts to help her' and all other such 'politically correct'
remarks, or remarks you assume we will accept.

In truth, you would shrug, go out, screw around, and eventually
walk out.

[JubesInquest]

D-Rule,

So, you're moving with your husband as a roommate?
Isn't that what you 2 are doing now?

So you both will spend money to do the same thing you're already doing now.

[Guest]

there's nothing veiled in my comments. i expect they're very direct & clear. i believe your perspective, as evidenced by your posts, is bound by this assumption that you make on behalf of all men:

In truth, you would shrug, go out, screw around, and eventually
walk out.

i'm not here to insult you. i think you're wrong - misguided, even. but i don't intend to insult you.

it was you who cited your experience as the reference for your expertise on this subject. i merely observed that i think your experience - if it is, as you said, responsible for your viewpoint - has delivered only a piece of the whole picture.

hard for me to find anbother way to explain how you could be so resolute about what you know i would do in this or any other situation.

you have made your mind up without having fully understood. you have drawn conclusions & applied them to "men," while disregarding relevant facts.

which leads me to another interesting observation (and it is here that i will join you and reveal a guilty stereotype of my own). your posts refer to "men" repeatedly. my response was, for you, "typically male."

alternately, my comments have been for & directed to...

you.

you see, i view the world person by person. i see you & experience you as an individual. not as a lawyer, a woman, but as kaylar.

you, however, see the world in groups, chunks. this is a calling card irony in feminists. THEY seek individuality & equality, but stubbornly hold onto the generalizations that have divided society & prevented any real communication or progress.

before this gets inappropriately personal, i'll bow out & leave the last word for you (i am somewhat of a traditionalist who still believes in holding doors for women). my hands are on the table.

if you're at all interested, you should join the discussion in "porn is no big deal." i do sincerely think your input would be intriguing.