[dogsrule]

You miss the point completely, I am not leaving him case he is fat and cannot get it up, its part of it but I am not in love with him any more. There is no passion, just living in the same house. I feel resentful cause he stays home all the time, wont travel with me, walk down the street with me and just make me giggle. Its like he is just being and not living. He cant parasail like I like, just nothing in common. Thank you for your comments though

this is absolutely not true, not to mention the biggest over-generalization i've seen on this forum to date.

in fact, this situation (at the risk of upsetting the orginal poster) defines what is stereotypically assigned to men. she's leaving him because he's fat & can't get it up.

[jean]

Hi all,

I am so sorry that your thread of questions was over ruled by a couple who seem to want to argue versus just discuss your situation with you and help you understand what you are or are not doing. It seems that a thread that was meant to just talk about a concern became this whole mess about who is right about what...who knows. I am sorry and you two should be ashamed. If this is what this forum is about, it is not for me. I believe the forum is about talking about issues between men and women and obtaining some information from experience and advice. Not to listen to two people fight about the why's of life...The conversation was very bothersome to me. Maybe not to everyone else, but to me, and I would not want you to do this on one of my threads if I have a question or need to vent etc.

[dogsrule]

Very good point. I appreciate peoples opionions but I am looking for constructive advice or questions for me to ponder. This should be a support system for women for all kinds of issues. Thank you for writing and I have decided what I am doing is right for me. I will let you know how it goes. I was just looking for some online friends as I do not have any here. Its hard to make friends and when we go thru relationship or emotional problems its nice that we have this website that we can offer support and reach to the writer.

[jean]

dogsrule...please do not think that the entire forum will be as what happened to you on your thread. I think you can find supportive friends here. i want to be that for someone. support does not always mean that people agree but that they can agree to disagree and still provide the support to give someone a chance to make the changes that they feel they need to make. You are the one who has to live your life, and you are the one who has to feel comfortable with your decisions. Do not let this situation destroy your willingness to come back to talk. We all have something to learn, share and listen too. But mostly we all need and can give support.

[dogsrule]

dogsrule...please do not think that the entire forum will be as what happened to you on your thread. I think you can find supportive friends here. i want to be that for someone. support does not always mean that people agree but that they can agree to disagree and still provide the support to give someone a chance to make the changes that they feel they need to make. You are the one who has to live your life, and you are the one who has to feel comfortable with your decisions. Do not let this situation destroy your willingness to come back to talk. We all have something to learn, share and listen too. But mostly we all need and can give support.

Thank you Jean, I appreciate that very much

[Guest]

i just wanted to offer that i thought you should rip off the bandaid, as i stated when i came to your thread. still feel that way -

[dogsrule]

I (as you call it rip off the bandaid) did when I told him I wanted to start with seperation. I rented my own apartment and was ready to move out. He is the one who suggested we room together no commitment or expectations. I understand he doesnt want to break up but again if I just leave like I was going to,it will upset him more and do what he doesnt want me to do. I think it is good this way so I can financially save and he can be let down easier than just getting mad, fighting and leaving. He wants to remain as friends as we have been just friends this last 2 years of our marriage anyway. Its his choice and I am respecting it and abiding by it for a while until we see how it goes. Of course it will not be long I imagine before we really move seperately, but I respect him and love him for him being concerned about me making it on my own. Now that is a man. Thank you for your comments. They are all appreciative as this forum is helping me understand what I am going through.

[JubesInquest]

Ok, so D-Rule, what you're saying is happening is...

you 2 are going to stay in the same house, not as husband-and-wife, but roommates, correct?

So you won't be moving... right? You'll just wait a while and then move.
Am I right?

[dogsrule]

Kinda. I really don't want to live with him. I am planning on making an appointment with an attorney to discuss my legal rights. Then based off of what he says, hopefully, I can get divorced and move on. I am planning on moving out to this house I rented, he wants to move in as my roommate. Its just weird but he don't want to let go. At this point, I don't want to make him mad as I want the divorce to go thru and me be ok financially. Crimeny, all I want his him to pay for my car payment, that is the only debt I have. He wont now as I asked him. It feels weird to me but I am trying to look out for me and at the same time, respect his wishes as we have been married to long. 17.5 years is so long. I just worry that I will get in this rental home ( rent is cheaper here) and not be able to afford it. I would get an appartment but where I live no one and I mean NO ONE will allow pets and I am not leaving without my dogs. They mean the world to me. Am I in a mess? I don't think I can stay in the marriage as a married couple as I am getting where I don't want to be around him much and want to start my new life. I went on line to a couple of dating websites and put a profile out there. I got tons of mail but of course very wary and security consciense of this. My point on this is I am yearning to be with people my own age and that are active instead of sitting home every night. I feel I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I have more time to live life and not act like I am 62 years old. Your thoughts on all this please? Thank you

[JubesInquest]

D-Rule,

you 2 have got a huge age gap among you, so the difference in who wants to go out and who wants to stay home is most apparent.

Not all 62-year-olds want to sit around the house... there are a lot of them that go out and live very active lives.

In your case, that's not so.

It sounds to me like your marriage is over. If one person wants to call it "quits", then the other has no choice but to move on as well. The Mr. doesn't want to do that, but you've already done so.

If you're looking for him to cooperate in the divorce, then change your way of thinking.
It will be up to his lawyer and your to hammer out the details of any settlement; including taking care of the car payment(s).

You do know you have to tell him you're moving without him, since you've put your profile out there and you've already rented a place to stay.
You don't want him to stay with you. You have to tell him that.