[CHANDLERS WISH]

he did make a good point..he said " you were sleeping in a house with sams BF..so you were sleeping with another guy in the next room, and worstly im not there"..

Why is that a good point? That's the most silliest thing I have ever heard, trying to basically say you were in the same house with another man and I wasn't there, something could have happened...It was your girlfriend's boyfriend whom was sleeping with him in their bed....It is not at all the same thing as sleeping in the same house with another male there.

No No No
You have done the right thing. You are no longer being a doormat.
Doormats are ignored until some dirt needs to be removed from his shoes.
You need to show your independence from his control.

Stand your ground and tell him that is silly... Tell him, and what if after your drunken nights with the girls, you slept on the couch at one of their places? Now that has room for concern, if she lived there alone and it's more realistic now isn't it?

[lostinlove123]

He does not drink, he goes to bars but never drinks..and as far as i know he has not spent the night over at a girls..if he did no way i would be ****ed..thats why im saying i know how he feels b/c if he went spending the night at a girls...omg i would raise with him.

[lostinlove123]

I should have started this at the start of our relashionship..Everytime i would say im going to go see my friend he would play this game..and everytime i would get back ( this is when we were just bf and gf ) he would make me feel bad by telling me that he has been waiting for me to call all night...and i dont want to talk to him...i dont love him..blah blah blah..So after awhile when i said " im going to sams" he would say " fine do what you want i dont care"...then i felt bad and stayed..This was what we always did. but that was yrs ago and it dont happen anymore b/c i simply just dont go out with friends b/c i pretty much ignored all my friends for 5 yrs. Except this one..the one he does not like. So i kinda wish i started this sooner..is it to late to start now..5 yrs is a long time if i start changing things now im afriad for the worst

[lostinlove123]

pluse he is emotionaly going throw helll right now..so i dont think doing what he doesnt agree with will be the best idea..i already upset him enouph by going out the other night

[CHANDLERS WISH]

but that was yrs ago and it dont happen anymore b/c i simply just dont go out with friends b/c i pretty much ignored all my friends for 5 yrs.

How do I say this nicely? So, he won, he got rid of all of your friends because he was in-secure and now you only have one friend and you are alone and so you need him, and so you hang and wait for his call and hang on to all his words, feel sorry for him, he is your world.....

And now you have seen the "exact" same person from 5 years ago doing it all over again and so, now you won't go to Sam's again will you, ever...... And, so now you won't stand up for yourself.

If you are happy living in a life where someone controls it, goes out and does what they want and expect you to accept it, live a quiet life never having friends, only him...That will be your life as a wife.

[lostinlove123]

I see what your saying..My friend sam tells me this all the time..yet she is kinda wild and does not like my fiancee anyway so I dont really take her seriously. She doesnt like him becasue when me and Jim ( fiancee) first started dateing we decided to rent a pool and invite only sam to come swim with us..well sam came with alot of friends they were drinking and having fun..well Jim got very upset and sat out side of the pool area..and when it came down to eating..( i brought lunch for me jim and sam...) i offered sams friends some food...well my finacee jim got very upset that i offered them food b/c they were not invited...anyway he was alittle rude to them and sence then my friend sam really does not like him...pluse the fact that i say i cant come to her house b/c jim will get hurt...but im not so inosent I would invite same over and not tell him or go to her place and not tell him when he was away simply to hang out with my friend..so i did lye to him about this a couple times...so i dont know if that makes me any better...:?

[MinnieGem]

you silly girl, dont let him talk to you like that and make an accusation that you were sleeping in the same house as some other guy which btw is your best friends boyfriend like hello, of course he would be there he lives there with her, so does that mean when he comes back from college you cant have anyone over nor him cuz oh no one of you would be accused of sleeping in the same house with the opposite sex, this guy sounds like a total control freak and you telling him you were going there was the right thing to do, you dont know what hes doing wherever he is, u dont know that he doesnt have a drink at a bar, you dont know if he crashes at someone elses dorm room you are not there to see it with your own eyes, whether he tells you no or not. Keep hanging out with your friends if he dont like it then too bad, boyfriends come and go but best friends are forever. Getting mad cuz your friend brought a few extra people to a pool sounds childish to me, he needs to grow up, dont give up your life and your fun time cuz he dont approve of it, you didnt approve of him going to college and hanging out with girls but you are dealing with it and he needs to deal with you having fun with your friends too.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Seems to me it's all his way or he sulks Makes you feel that "you" have to justify every little thing you do... Makes you feel like it's your fault...Control...

Who's body is it, who's life is it, don't you think you deserve to be yourself and in that, someone joins your life?

[stressed]

What bothered me the most about what he's said is: "so you were sleeping with another guy in the next room". He goes out with girls, he's in the same car with girls (and girls you haven't even met), yet he's bothered by you sleeping over a friend on a couch because her boyfriend is there? Seriously? He's away studying and relaxing in any way he wants to, he has no right to tell you how to live your life, fiance or not.

Be careful because this kind of behaviour only gets worse with marriage. He sounds controlling and selfish to me.

[MinnieGem]

i agree 100% with "Stressed"