[just.a.woman]

my husband and I met not long ago, around sep 2009 and I got pregnant with our son around beginning of 2010, and got married in between 2010 as well, everything went too fast, i guess i haven't known him that well before going into a long term commitment. He was a very nice guy, he is honest to me and we were very loving at the beginning, but after I gave birth to my son, we fought soooo much, almost everyday if not every 2 days, long story short, I found him facebook-ing his ex. gf that hurted him so bad and left him for no reason 7 years ago, he told me they never chat before, but i peek in his facebook and saw them chatting to each other after they broke up and even talked on the phone, that's before he met me, they stopped after he was with me but after I gave birth they started talking again, they would chat and he would put "love ya always" at the end of the message.

he had told me how much he hate her, how much he would want her to get the f outta his life, but now i caught him chatting on facebook with her, he promised he'll stop. I think he stopped for about 3-4 months and then he message her again one day, just random question, and they started chatting again, this time my husband told her about our relationship, how we fight so much for the past few months and that we were not ment to be together and this relationship is not working out and stuffs like that.....i was very very upset after reading it. (the reason we fight is because of the overwhelming of a new baby and the loads of work i have to do in the house and taking care of the baby and him, (with no help just myself!) i guess i got too much and my mood is bad?)
he would say all those to her but in front of me, he won't say it, he said because he is scare im gonna be mad and we fight again...

and he had changed his facebook password every since because he thinks im peeking into it....so i am not sure if they are still chatting or not now....

and few days ago, i peek into his phone (he normally LOCKED his phone, need a password to get in!!!!!!) but i happened to saw his password and i went in to his phone and i saw him texting a person, sexually, about how big his "thing" is and he asked her what her xxx looks like and stuffs....i couldn't read them long enough just had a short peek because he was just having a shower and i don't have enough time to read all of them, so i just saw one person, i am not sure how much there is.....

i saw that person ask him his full name, his size, where he lives and stuffs and he replied honestly about everything, not a single lie....(wow, you don't even know that person and u told her everything....)

but i feel very very lost right now, he told me i am the love of his life, he told me (also his mom, his step dad, his sister, everybody in his family) said he won't cheat and he is not the kind of person that will cheat (because his real dad was a cheater and cheated with some woman and left him and his sister with their mom that have no money and no help, so he is supposed to know what it's like to cheat and he will never do such things!)
but i caught him a few time here now, i am not sure if those are consider cheating, he just use typing but didn't really have action going on yet. (he goes to work and come home on time every day, ever since, weekends and holiday he will spend with us) he never really go anywhere without us other than going to work, so i am pretty sure he never "action-ly" cheat on me.


i am sorry if i've typed too much, but i don't know who to talk to about this and what should i do... i hope someone can give me some suggestion, what should i do...

thanks so much for reading

[just.a.woman]

i got a few questions:

i want to know what's "love ya always" means when typing to someone that he said he hate.
also he told me he doesn't lie, he doesn't really lie in front of others, but when he is with me, he lies, i caught him a few time.......why
does chatting sexually with other female consider cheating???

should i go talk to a couple counseller about my situation?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Are you suggesting that because you got pregnant at such a rapid rate from the entry of this relationship he did the right thing and married you ?

You know love is something that grows with people, if you two are fighting all the time, then it goes slowly, ever so slowly away... Do you think that you two may make it? If so, you need to find out if you have PD, or what is causing your anxiety and anger .. Chores and a baby is difficult to handle, I assume he works? Can your Mother spend a little time with you throughout the week, so that you can breathe and relax a bit?

Loves ya, my next door neighbour says this to me, a term of affection, not I LOVE YOU, that is different.. He probably hates what she did to him but they were together a long time and probably his first love, he may just be having difficulty getting past "past" but he needs to be happy in his "present", then he wouldn't be searching for laughter, smiles, etc.

As for sexual text messages... Again, do you two have a great sexual relationship and be honest in your thoughts there... Maybe he's just being random because he as a man, enjoys sex, probably a lot of sex, maybe that's not happening?

If everyone says he's faithful that's his type, and he doesn't want to be like his Father, maybe he will not cheat on you physically...But, he has to stop these text messages and if he is friends with his ex, then he has to put a picture of both of you up on facebook, and let her know that you both are married and happy.... Nothing to hide.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

bumping

[Crystalblue]

i got a few questions:

i want to know what's "love ya always" means when typing to someone that he said he hate.
also he told me he doesn't lie, he doesn't really lie in front of others, but when he is with me, he lies, i caught him a few time.......why
does chatting sexually with other female consider cheating???

should i go talk to a couple counseller about my situation?

In my opinion it is most definitely cheating. The betrayal hurts even if there was no physical contact. My husband told me lots of times he would never lie to me or hurt me, and I think he believed that he wouldn't at the time, but at some point that slipped away. If y'all were fighting a lot before this started, counseling would probably help you through it. The only thing I would add is, if you rushed into the relationship, you should decide if working for a better relationship is what both of you want. There's no reason to do the work if you don't want to be with each other.

A counselor might be able to help you with that to. There's a lot of emotional stress and feelings going on. If you were already fighting, it might be harder to see through everything, to what you really want.

[wendilee]

my husband (working towards xhusband) had an emotional affair. in my opinion that is almost worse than a physical affair....to tell someone you dont know all ur secrets and talk about meeting for sex talking about our marriage, that hurt me so bad.
i do think talking to someone would help you, and maybe you would be able to talk to him about how you are feeling. this site is good therapy too. ive enjoyed all of the replies to my story.
you have a baby to take care of and you have yourself to take care of. so try to go to a counselor, or even someone in ur church (if ur religious). it is alot easier to get advice from someone who is completely neutral. and def keep coming here and reading all the replies to your story, you will be amazed.
keep your chin up, and every morning i want you to wake up and tell yourself that you are worth it, you will believe that after you tell urself that for a few weeks.

[just.a.woman]

ok i want to update my story, so since that day i post my story here...
i went to a friend for help, she helped me set up a fake facebook account and pretend a hot chick and message my husband...and ask him out to have sex etc...

they first talk about normal stuffs and we get into asking him personal stuffs, he sure is honest about it, real name, height, weight, everything...not a single lie..(grrr made me mad...why so honest to a person you don't even know!!!!)

ok to the fun part, asking him out....surprisingly...
my husband said no, and said he would never cheat on his wife and he won't lose his family over sex with a stranger woman...

after i read it... my friend kept message him back to FORCE him to come out, but he rejected 5 times...i read everything... and i feel very relieve

i think my husband thinks typing and chatting is ok but actually meeting the person and doing the real thing is not...

after this...my emotions got better and our relationship improve SO MUCH because i don't get mad at him and suspect him as much and we are well better...we didn't fight for the last 5 days...

thank you for all your help!!!!!!!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Well I said "put a picture up of both of you on facebook showing he is happily married", not "put a false person up on facebook and see if you can ascertain if he's happliy married"

Okay, so now you can clearly see that he will not cheat physically, black and white, I suggest you never, ever, accuse him or fuss on that subject every again so you can give this marriage a real go...

However, I also suggest you never, ever, ever, play that type of game again, to me that's worse than snooping, that's entrapment.. Imagine what would happen if he found out?

[elenor19]

just.a.woman, I am so happy that it seems to be working out for you. Just a little bit of caution...about a year ago I though that I had truly resolved my husband's EA issues, now I find out, it has not only not gone away, but has gone up a notch. I really don't mean to sound negative, but just a word of caution...

[jns]

ok i want to update my story, so since that day i post my story here...
i went to a friend for help, she helped me set up a fake facebook account and pretend a hot chick and message my husband...and ask him out to have sex etc...

they first talk about normal stuffs and we get into asking him personal stuffs, he sure is honest about it, real name, height, weight, everything...not a single lie..(grrr made me mad...why so honest to a person you don't even know!!!!)

ok to the fun part, asking him out....surprisingly...
my husband said no, and said he would never cheat on his wife and he won't lose his family over sex with a stranger woman...

after i read it... my friend kept message him back to FORCE him to come out, but he rejected 5 times...i read everything... and i feel very relieve

i think my husband thinks typing and chatting is ok but actually meeting the person and doing the real thing is not...

after this...my emotions got better and our relationship improve SO MUCH because i don't get mad at him and suspect him as much and we are well better...we didn't fight for the last 5 days...

thank you for all your help!!!!!!!

Sometimes smoke isn't smoke, but rather, fog. Glad things are working better, good luck.