[brunettebabe]

If a husband truly loves his wife then he will definitely show it, right? I was just thinking that I might have a loveless marriage because we hardly ever have sex. We do it only about once one week or once every two weeks. He is the one that controls it. Whenever we plan on having sex he always cancels it. For instance, he will say we'll do it Monday and then later on in the day he will cancel for some reason and then say we'll do it Tuesday and then the process will continue for the next couple of days. It upsets me when he cancels it. Whenever he cancels it he tries to make up for it by buying me dvds. I own approximately 330 dvds. The worst part about this is we're trying have our first baby. We've been trying for about three years now without any success. Sperm can't meet egg when your husband hardly ever gives you any , but he can't understand that. He says that even though we might not do it very often I should still be able to get pregnant and since nothing has happened yet he says I must have a fertility problem. Its possible, but when we decide to get checked out for any problems he wont get tested. He says his sperm should be perfectly healthy because he has a good work out regimen and plus there is no way in he would jack off in one of those cups. He doesn't masturbate at all. He prefers to have his orgasms by oral or regular vaginal sex. He doesn't even really like to touch his penis at all. Practically the only time he touches it is when he pees. He doesn't even touch it when it itches. When that happens he just maneuvers he legs around to get it to subside. I also wish he could be more lovey douby by kissing me more and doing more of all that other stuff. He tells me his loves me regularly, but just doesn't give me sex very often and all that. Another reason why I think I might have a loveless marriage is we never go out. We never go out to eat because he hates to hear the music the play on the intercom and doesn't want to see the tvs. Take out, the drive through, and delivery is what he likes whenever we decide to eat out. All we ever do is work out together. Go to the lake to swim and kayak, jog around the neighborhood, or go to the gym. Every night as soon as we finish dinner he'll hide in the basement. He likes to relax down there by reading books, the newspaper, and other stuff. Am I paranoid here?

[bluejeans]

I don't think you need to be paranoid. As hard as it sounds and it may very well sound easy at the same time, you need to communicate to him how you feel. How come you never initiate sex? Why are you waiting on him? Also don't plan a day to have sex - something will almost always come up and then you will be disappointed. Rather, try to be more spontaneous. At least your husband spends time with you. Try finding other things that you can do together. Also don't nag him about trying to get pregnant. (I did that before) instead be passionate while in the act. I don't think you are in a loveless marriage though.

[Guest]

What happened to being spontaneous about sex? When you/he schedules it, it gets reduced to just another chore///like laundry or mowing the lawn.

What would happen if you just ravaged him as he walked in the door from work? How about making dinner only wearing an apron? Something sassy like that?

Seems to me that there is a serious lack of communication regarding intimacy and some lack of effort on both your parts.

I would agree with Blue... Don't think you're in a loveless marriage, just one that lacks communication and spontaneity.

[brunettebabe]

I do try to initiate it but he will make me stop. If I try to touch his penis he will complain and make me stop by saying we can't do it because of work or because of his work out. He LOVES to jog and nothing absolutly nothing stops him from doing it. He has to complete his jogging first before he does anything else.

[brunettebabe]

He knows exactly how I feel. He says he is not trying to upset me and he tries to make up for it and tries to make me happy by buying me dvds.

[jns]

Hmm, if I had to guess I would say he is phobic about germs. Would that fit in any other way? Does he like to clean things excessively? It could be he can still control it, but not all the time.

[oxy-moron]

Hi
A lot of people - male and female find bodies and body fluids icky and this shapes the way they think and behave around sex.
This kind of behaviour usually deteriorates over time.
He also sounds like a controlling and isolating person and these attributes dont work well with relationships or sex as you are finding out.

Good luck

[rcoreyus]

Was your sex life bad before you started trying to get pregnant?

[brunettebabe]

loveless marriage: part 2

I wrote on here a little less than week ago talking about how I thought I might have loveless marriage because my husband hardly ever has sex with and never takes me out and all that other stuff. A lot of people responded that I needed to be more spotaneous and initiate the sex since my husband controls it and plans it out. Well, I do try to do that, but it very rarely works. When I do try to do it he complains and tells me stop because he doesn't want to do anything. I tried initiating it last night by giving him a blow job and he did let me give him one for short time before he made me stop, but he still didn't want any sex. He wanted to wait until today (Saturday) and since he didn't want any last night and wanted to wait he now says I have to wait an extra day until Sunday because I broke the rules and violated him by trying to do stuff with him when he didn't want it. How do you respond to that?

[jns]

Hmm, if I had to guess I would say he is phobic about germs. Would that fit in any other way? Does he like to clean things excessively? It could be he can still control it, but not all the time.

Hi
A lot of people - male and female find bodies and body fluids icky and this shapes the way they think and behave around sex.
This kind of behaviour usually deteriorates over time.
He also sounds like a controlling and isolating person and these attributes dont work well with relationships or sex as you are finding out.

Good luck

Was your sex life bad before you started trying to get pregnant?

Several of us had observations and questions to your first post about loveless marriage. What are your responses to them?