[ThePhotographer]

To PoisonGirl

Dear Poisongirl,
I'm sorry for not replying sooner. Weekends are when I am the busiest. Weddings, stuff like that. As a photographer, specially Saturdays are my busiest days.

Concerning my sexual preferences, well, I will try to explain exactly how I feel.
I do love women. I have been with girls since I was 13. As a photographer I am always around beautiful women. Crazy ones, horny ones, all kinds. I love every aspect of women. I love a woman's body, touch, scent, everything. As as I grew older, I have learned that women do like to be treated rough in bed. I can tell by my own wife. I have always been the romantic kind. But latelly I have been treating her really rough in bed and she has been enjoying it a lot. We have been married for 11 years. I'm 41, she is 34. Lately, during sex I have been telling her that I want have her as a sex object, a toy. I have been telling her I want to get a dildo and have both her holes filled. I have rented some x-rated movies of double penetration, and I want to show her that this is how I want to do with her. Of course we can't do anything where we live, but first chance we take a trip, I want something like that to happen, a threesome with another guy with us.
As for my feelings towards men, well, I don't think myself as gay. Maybe bisexual. I don't see myself kissing a guy or things like that, but I definitely want to hold and play with a penis. I want to have one in my hands and possibly in my mouth.
I belive life is too short, and as far as believing in anything that is out there, I don't believe much. Politics suck, religion is too confusing, so I think we got to do what we feel like as long as we are consenting adults and not harming anybody else.
The Photographer.

[poisongirl]

Thanks for the reply photographer. I kind of figured that you were busy this weekend- no rush. Thanks for helping me understand. As you've seen from my post, my husband is kind of in the same situation as you, and it is helping me to understand him by understanding someone who has similar feelings. He too has had fantasies about touching another guy and being touched. He has had the opportunity to do more, but didn't. He says that although sometimes he fantasizes about it, he is not sure if he would really do it (oral & anal, I mean). If it were someone else, I would not think it would be a big deal, but because he is my husband, it scares me. I am afraid that it was his way of telling me that he might be gay. I am realizing now that I do not think I have anything to worry about.

I have to look at it this way- I have fantasies ALL the time about being with a woman. I don't know for sure that if I had an opportunity, that I would take it, but I also don't know for sure that I wouldn't. If I were to be with another woman, whether it is out of curiosity, or because I may like the feeling of sex with a woman, I don't think anyone would believe that it automatically makes me gay. Why should it be different for a man. I don't care what anyone says, it IS normal to be curious, and even fantasize about being with someone of the same sex- even if it's just for a short time in our life, or only a few times.

Like you, my husband has no desire to kiss a man, be in a relationship with a man, etc. He only had desires to try to touch/be touched again, like he did as a boy with his friend. He had the opportunity and took it. The other man that he had the encounter with was an openly gay man. He did offer my husband oral sex, and my husband refused it. He told me that he fulfilled his curiosities, and although may continue to fantasize, that he has no desire to ever act on it again. I don't know if that is true, and that is what worries me. Other than that, like you, he loves women in every aspect, and a woman has never not been enough for him. He has no problem performing sexually with a woman, or anything else, so I don't have any reason to believe that he is gay and trying to hide it. I have been really open and accepting of this information he has given me. I have tried to make sure that he is comfortable telling me these things, and knows I will not judge him. But, like I said, my fear is that he will have desires again, and not tell me. That is my fear because I do not think it is fair to me if he decides to do something, as my husband, that can affect our relationship/family. Maybe it will never happen, but I am still worried. I have been hurt many times in my life, and I am scared to get hurt again.

As far as the rough sex with your wife, well... I AGREE 100%. I like it when my husband is sweet and romantic too, but I also LOVE when he is rough and demanding! And the double penetration with a real penis and a toy is fun too, I would highly recommend it!

Have you talked about your desires with your wife yet? What does she think?

[C]

But isn't this what sexual hunger is? To go to that place in our mind and make this thrill. I would have loved to have a woman when I was younger. Now, thank God I am older and my husband does not even know of my sexual thoughts. But this is part of me as his sexual woman that makes me the tiger in bed that I am. I love some rough sex. Being tied up with scarves. I thought he would die when I asked him to do this to me but as much as I would love all these things there is a part of me that says, pull back honey, you are going into dangerous territory.

I only became aware of this watching a hot porn movie two years ago. Jenna Jamison or whoever her name was. My first hot porn movie. We sat in the family room by ourselves, kids long gone and 20 minutes into the movie it was I am gonna get you time and it was. I believe he was aware of the heat I felt watching the open legged women and wishing I was there.

Maybe it is the sexual boredom sometimes in a marriage. I find now it is up to me to be the provider of the sexual heat that turns my man and makes him hungry for me. Back when our children were young we lived in a young neighborhood. All built our own houses. BBQ and beer nights and dancing three times during the Summer. All together at one couple's house in the garage. Outside event. Soon three couples starting messing around like this. This went on with two couples. At the end of the year two couples were filing for divorce. I remember this well but I still love to think.......keeps sex hot and alive...

[poisongirl]

Amen to that! You are SO right. I am all about the fantasies, they are the real fuel to the fire, especially after that spark kind of willows down to a little flame. But some things are just meant to stay fantasies after a certain point. Besides, if we fulfill them all, what would we have left?

[ThePhotographer]

Dear Poison

You asked me if I have shared these feelings with my wife. Well, I do want to but I haven't had the chance yet. We are going thru other issues right now that's is making things kind of difficult at home. We had her brother visiting us and me and him didn't get along. It is a long story, but that kind of thing made things to go weird at home. So it has nothing to do with what we have been discussing in this forum or what we have been talking about.
But I also carry with me some fears about opening up to her and I will tell you why.
I am 42 now. I was 24 when I came to the US. I lived in New York City and I had a girlfriend. Things were hard, but one day I met an American man who just came thru my life and decided to help me out. Immediatelly I told my girlfriend and this man wanted to meet both of us. After we went to a movie all of us, we went out for dinner. This man got to know me better and my girlfriend. He got me a very good job and we became friends. When my girlfriend and I broke up, she accused me of all sorts of things, including that me and that man were lovers. It was sad because from the beginning I made clear to him and to her what was going on, and she herself was greatly benefitted by the help of that man. Most important, she knew I had not body contact with that or any other man. But she spreaded those rumors to everyone we knew, even to the point of calling my parents and saying I had a male lover. It was sad, and a big lie because she thought she had part of the money that I had made while working in NYC. It is good to let you know that all that story she made up after knowing that she would have no part of it. She was just my girlfriend, not even living with me.
Now I am scared and distrustifull, even though I have been married now for 11 years and 2 children. We never know what is on people's mind, what is their interpretation of what is going on with someone else's life.
You seem to be a very trustfull person and I kind of envy your hubby for the fact that he can trust you to the point of opening up his heart and feelings. I have been following your posting also. Let's keep on exchanging ideas and experiences. Let me ask you a question, have you ever watched a bisexual porn movie, or even a gay movie? Such things turn you on?
All the very best,
E.A.