[tinkerbell21]

The other night i woke up to my husband having intercourse with me. I freaked out. being a child abuse survivor i was totaly scared by the experiance. We had a big long talk about it and he understands that he hurt me and i also understand that i mislead him and that he was not trying to hurt me. its complicated, but he started this fixation of having sex with me while i am unconscience. it happend once while i was drunk and passed out ( i did give him permmision while i was sober) but when i couldnt rememeber it at all i didnt like it so i told him not for a while. well the other night we were both hinting at different things but when i went to bed before him i thought it was over. being that it is summer i was hot and slept in the nude. he took it the wrong way.
I am defending him yes but i am still very hurt by this and told him never EVER again. BUt i still dont know where to go from here. He has never done anything like this before or hurt me like this before.
he it so guilt stricken that he is letting me do whatever i want and he is being very gentle with me. it toke a day for me to actually forgive but that doesnt mean i have forgoten. can anyone help me with this problem

[ChelseaRenee]

I'm sorry, but that is one of the creepiest, weirdest things I have ever heard of. WHY would he want to have sex with you while you're unconscious? A HUGE part, if not all of it, is about connecting with the other person, making noises, kissing, pulling closer...How could you not even know it's happening turn him on? I mean I know it's takes all kinds to make a world and all that, but I'd seriously reconsider this one...That's not right, and I'm all for adventure but...Geez...

[LSL222]

See a therapist together...NOW

Having sex with someone when they're asleep or unconscious is not consensual sex...married or not. Don't put up with this. I don't care how "sorry" he is. Go to a marriage counselor ASAP. And a good one. And yes, this should bother you if you have any self-esteem. You must have some to come to this forum. Take care of yourself!

[Loris1]

Your thoughts on the situation are completely and utterly legitimate, but they are not the only perspective. Talking without any real knowledge of your dynamics, my gf often hints to me that she would like to have me make love to her in her sleep, (no rape thing - just dream thing) its just another way of seeing the whole act. So OK thats how you feel, and no one has a right to say otherwise, but he was acting on his feelings - they may be different. There are many shades of meaning between your interpretation of these events and ours.
As a guy I am totally against rape in any shape or form though, if there was this dynamic, then he is lost or worse, he needs to completely and utternly admit to his mistake - without caveats and you should be sure that nothing like this will ever happen again, and you must satisfy yourself that you genuinly wish to be with him (without intimidation).If you have any doubt then he must go.

[addictedto being pregnant]

I'm sorry, but that is one of the creepiest, weirdest things I have ever heard of. WHY would he want to have sex with you while you're unconscious? A HUGE part, if not all of it, is about connecting with the other person, making noises, kissing, pulling closer...How could you not even know it's happening turn him on? I mean I know it's takes all kinds to make a world and all that, but I'd seriously reconsider this one...That's not right, and I'm all for adventure but...Geez...

im sorry but i agree with chelsea rape is rape wether or not it was not ment as rape he need help dont let him get away with it

[kaylar]

This was Rape and it WILL happen again.
Your husband is a necrophilia...wishes
to have sex with dead or unconscious people

His contrition is part of the 'kick'.

YOu see, he knows that it is 'wrong' to have sex
with a dead person, hence it is 'right' to feel guilt
if one has sex with a dead person.

By feeling guilty for having sex with the 'dead' person
your husband expunges his conscious and feels better
about himself.

"Yes, I know it is wrong, and I, APOLOGISED! SEE...
I'm good! If I didn't apologise I would be Bad."

He will soon begin giving you poison to knock you
out so that he can enjoy having sex with a dead person.

Now you can never know if he's done it three or thirteen
times before. You can never know if that drink he gave
you the other day didn't render you unconscious and
unable to remember the incident...(the 'date rape' drug).

[tinkerbell21]

Kaylar he is not. he is just curious. we have had many of discussions over this in the last few days and he is totaly understanding and i have made it clear that THIS will NEVER happen again. My husband has always been the kind of guy every one wants and he IS like that behind doors too. its not a facade. I do believe that he will never hurt me like that again. i am not defending him in any way he was wrong and i did make sure that he felt guilty for a good amount of time before fully forgiving him.
I really didnt mind it before when i didnt remember because i was drunk and i blacked out. (which happends a lot when i am drinking when i am over tired.)
"He will soon begin giving you poison to knock you
out so that he can enjoy having sex with a dead person."
YEAH I DONT THINK SO.
My husband is not like that. i do know what you think but there are things i like that he does that was just too far.
different people have different sex lives i have a fetish for bondage i love to make believe and i am the one who has expanded his mind to try other things but he is still responsible for what he did.
I tell you i will not let this go but i do love him and i know he loves me. We have strong communication and that i beleive is key to a great relationship.
I know i will get "through" this but my past will always haunt me so i know that this will never ever leave the back of my mind.
I do thank you all for all your care and support but i do think that this situation has healed its self on its own. but i do think that it was great to let someone who is impartial know what i went through. and i did get a real good laugh at kaylars responce wow you couldnt be farther from ther truth. thank you all good night

[Loris1]

Sounds like you got him sussed Tinerbell - and us, remember you know him we dont

Loris

[Guest]

Tinkerbell, I agree with Kaylar.

Just because he's your husband and you've talked with him about it doesn't mean he won't do it again. Watch out and take care of yourself.

[tinkerbell21]

well i dont agree with her at all she is a bitter old crack pot who likes to talk about things like she really knows what she is talking about. whatever happened to you kaylar i'm sorry but not ALL men are scum of the earth. my husband is clear on the issue and if not there will be more trouble but i do agree to stay vigilant with him.
I love him and he loves me he knows my past with child abuse and being date raped he is very good about my feelings and now instead of holding when i cry at night he is making me deal with it so i dont stay dependent on him to confort me. does that sound like a monster. Not to me. I have cheated on him twice before we got married and it only made our relationship stronger and so will this. I dont have to look at the bad things in my relationship but when i do it only makes the good things better. like lemonade!!!