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I'm scared of getting married

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  • I'm scared of getting married

    My view of "Sanctity of Marriage" has nothing to do with same sex marriage. It has to deal with love between two people in general. These days all you hear about are divorces, affairs, fights, etc. My parents divorced simply because they stopped loving each other. I read these topics on here about all of the negativity with marriage.
    Until last year, I really decided that I don't care if I don't get married. All I want is to not die without having a man in my life. Before I thought if I don't get married by the age of 30, my life is doomed.
    I'm wondering if this is normal if I'm scared to get married because I fear of having a broken heart. Marriage is such a big commitment and it rarely stays as a happy marriage. Girls grow up with so many fairy tales about a girl finding her Prince Charming, and then when they grow up they still want that fairy tale to be true.
    I want to believe in true love, but I find it so hard to do so. I even say the reason why I love Kurt Cobai is because he is a man that never broke my heart, even though I never met him.

  • These days all you hear about are divorces, affairs, fights, etc. My parents divorced simply because they stopped loving each other. I read these topics on here about all of the negativity with marriage.
    Depends, on where you hear this. For instance, Forums will be full of them because, that is what they are for, guidance or someone there for you, to listen to you. Widsom and knowledge is a great thing..

    Alot of girls and guys also view what happened in their childhood. The thing is, we should take what we agreed upon from our up-bringing as knowledge and use it as well as what we didn't agree with and not instill it. We are not our parents.

    Also alot of people settle. Lust, is mis-interperated as love. Love is a completely different thing, compatible in almost all facets, especially sexually, morals, core values.

    The key is not to just marry because you "think" he is the one but to "know" he is the one, therefore, does it matter what age you are? You can live with someone or go out with them and be engaged, for a long period of time until you are sure that person, is, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

    Fear creates drama, stress, and non-commitments. Working on positives and ensuring you know what you want in life and putting it out there, attracts the right people into your life.
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

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    • Originally posted by Avatar Nirvana View Post
      Girls grow up with so many fairy tales about a girl finding her Prince Charming, and then when they grow up they still want that fairy tale to be true.
      I want to believe in true love, but I find it so hard to do so.
      I hear you. I think boys can grow up with some misconceptions too. I did.

      The stuff in fairy tales is fairy tales. Love is real though. Marriages fail when one or both mates fail to express it. As CW said, you have to be really careful using the topics here as a guide because of the nature of the forum. Also, you can't overlook the people who are talking about how they've been married for years and are deeply in love. I had one of the best days of my life with my wife yesterday. We have issues, but it's more good than bad. "More good than bad" doesn't make for good fiction, but it's as good as it gets with anything in real life.
      "Those sowing seed with tears
      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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      • I always like to point out, marriage is a social and legal institution. Its not about running off into the sunset with the one you love. It is about building a life together, purchasing a mortgage, deciding on how to raise children, compromising on how to behave with family members, fighting over who does the dishes, etc. We want to believe its all about love, but it really isn't. Love makes it easier and pleasanter. But it is not about love. Its about compatibility. You can be business partners with somebody you hate and run a successful business. But what's the point if you don't enjoy going to work each day and enjoy being around the people you have a finanical partnership with. Similarly, you can make a marriage work, but if there's no love, its pretty bland. Also, love along won't carry the marriage.

        Personally, I'm not a big advocte of marriage because I believe it to be founded on religion and often limited definitions of sexuality (just a personal vent). But don't be afraid of it just because of the failure rate. Then you would be afraid to do anything in life since there is aways the possibility of failure. There are clear advantages to marriage as we do live in a society founded on Judio Christian ideals. There are clear financial, legal and social benefits.

        Marriage is not for everybody, but don't write it off just because you fear the outcomes.
        Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

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        • I don't believe you need to get married to love or be committed to someone.
          “The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects it to change; the realist adjusts the sails.” - William Arthur Ward

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