[Confusedat35]

My husband and I have been together for 15 years. From the early stages, it became apparent he didn't like my family and at one stage even asked me to choose between him and them.
I don't think they are a very intense family. Not the kind to be around everyday visiting but I do like to talk to my mum most days on the phone and call to see them regularly.
We also found out a couple of years after being together that my husband can't father children. I had always hoped for children of my own. In fact it's all I've ever wanted, a little family of my own but it seemed it wasn't to be. I was sad but just got on with life without children. We were told we could have ivf which we tried last year but that failed. We also looked into adoption but were knocked back there too.
My Dad now has a new family with 2 young children who mean everything to me. It was tough when I originally found out about the pregnancies but in the end embraced the babies rather than resenting them. I guess they have helped to fill the void of not having children of my own. My husband again though resents them. I've tried and tried to involve him and at times he has and it's been lovely but now he doesn't want them to come to visit and if they do goes into a mood and can be really rude in his behaviour.
We have now split up 3 months ago because I got to the point where I felt very depressed and like life wasnt worth living. My husband always seemed to be in a mood over something whether it be work or my family.
Since leaving though, I really miss him. I thought I would feel better not having the stress surrounding me all the time (I am an anxiety sufferer) but I really don't feel any different. I'm thinking now of going back but he says he wants me but not my extended family. I do love him but I can't cut my family out especially the kids as they give me so much pleasure and love me as much as I love them. What should I do because I'm at the end of my tether!

[Stillness]

Can you compromise? He's not asking you to completely cut them off, is he? How much do you spend time with them?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Honestly, first I would suggest to your husband to seek help to establish why he seems to always be in a "mood" whether it's work or family. It sounds to me that he can't handles stressful situations and any little thing erks him. Did he ever want children? People often think that a man is so strong, tough and that they have no emotions. They do. If he also wanted children and the IVF didn't work either, perhaps he is in depression.

You say that he "once" told you him or your family. You marry you take the warts and all. No one has the right to stop the other person from being who they are and being with their loved ones, or friends, no one owns us, a marriage is unity, two people being themselves as one.

I also wonder if you don't feel any stress relief from the split but just the same, if you need to seek advice yourself, it's terrible to always feel down.

And, you could feel that going back will make things better but only if his moods changed and his thought pattern changed, hense my suggestion first.

Some of us were born to love all children, have you thought of working for a forster home? Or fostering children... You have a lot of love to give and can give freely to alot of children as you don't have your own to attend to 24/7...

I wasn't blessed with having children either, but I have several throughout the world that I know when the call me Mom or Mum, they truly mean it and I love being there for them.. I also have a step-daughter now, as you have these little ones.

If we dwell on negatives, we feel negative. There is a positive in absolutely everything in this World. With every negative you feel, find that positive, it's there.