[Harmony]

I don't understand what you mean, Buddhaboy. Are you saying that weightlifting will not raise testosterone levels for someone with low testosterone? Does it only work for someone with already normal levels?

You and sp are assuming. It's good guess, but one unlikely to be confirmed given this man's aversion to doctors and the fact that he already had his levels "checked." It could very well be psychological. Which makes me wonder if you've tried the postage stamp test, sp. Maybe he'd be willing?

If someone has testosterone levels which are within healthy range then yes weightlifting will help increase them, but if someone has low testosterone (which is, as you know, a medical condition) then weightlifting will not be able to remedy it, otherwise low testosterone would be able to be treated by weightlifting. My understanding is weightlifting doesn't actually raise levels per se, ity causes 'spikes' in levels which are kind of transient increases, not actual baseline increases if that makes sense? Obviously I'm not a doctor and have only a crude understanding.

I am assuming, yes. SP's husband has purported to have had his testosterone levels checked, but I'll bet my bottom dollar that he hasn't since he is displacing all of the primary symptoms concurrently: low to non-existent libido; loss of muscle; increased feminine pattern fat around face, chest, and waist; low energy; depression. The only way he could be telling the truth (and SP could ask to see the blood test result sheet) is if his levels are within range but he is borderline to low test and high estrogen, that is to say his testosterone is close to being unacceptably low and his estrogen is close to being unacceptably high, but not quite so he is considered 'within normal range'.

Stillness, what is the postage stamp test?

[Stillness]

I didn't know that. Weightlifting seems to make me hornier all the time and as I mentioned before seems to make my beard grow faster. I assumed a general increase in testosterone was behind it.

An old-fashioned way to check if erectile dysfunction is physical or psychological is to wrap postage stamps around the penis before bedtime. A healthy man has nighttime erections that would would break them.

[DreamP346]

Which makes me wonder if you've tried the postage stamp test, sp. Maybe he'd be willing?

What is this?

My husband has the classic symptoms of low testosterone although it could be anything else. The proper course of action is to get a complete medical to eliminate any organic causes. Once that is all cleared, then we could look at other possibilities. Like I said, I can deal with ED. It is a natural part of aging. His indifference to sex and/or me is what is troubling.

BTW, we have free weights and a weight machine. I workout at least once a week. I have asked him to join me. He says he will, but never does. If I wait for him, I will either not work out or waste half my time trying to get him moving that I will just get frustrated. Motivating myself to workout is hard enough, I just can't do it for him as well.

[DreamP346]

Also, I am pretty sure its a physical issue since he doesn't always have erections in the morning. He also has problems staying hard and getting hard enough.

But regardless of all this, can't he try to be a little nicer to me and say nice things. Why does he prefer to play computer days or watch stupid reality shows instead of have a conversation with me or just sit next to me on the couch and watch some TV together.

[Harmony]

I didn't know that. Weightlifting seems to make me hornier all the time and as I mentioned before seems to make my beard grow faster. I assumed a general increase in testosterone was behind it.

I believe you are correct, just that in the case of someone with low T (someone who's T-levels are not at a healthy level) weightlifting wouldn't be able to deliver those benefits.

What also increases T Stillness are extra healthy fats, consume them with protein, (so you're either eating a protein and fat meal or a carb and protein meal) and you should find they help maintain healthy T-levels.

[ItsASecret]

Even if he did want to exercise, and if you assume there is a 100% causal relationship between his behavior and testosterone levels, his levels would not increase by much. Then you also have to factor in that more than one type of exercise should be done, weight lifting alone will not affect much. The more muscles involved during a routine the more testosterone released. Does not mean it hangs around it just means levels will go up after that exercise. However if he is on the low scale of things then there is an even less chance of testosterone levels changing at all. The testosterone produced during such single exercises does not hang around at least not long enough to cause a permanent change in his overall levels that would show a "fix". In any case exercise alone is not an end all fix to low testosterone, it is simply not that easy. Although if he adopts a well planned exercise routine plus ideal diet and lowered stress levels leading to a better overall health then there would be a much more likely increase in testosterone levels simply due to that complete health.

How you get him to a doctor to discuss levels is a whole other story. Anyone in the same health predicament (testosterone or otherwise) can play internet doctor with knee jerk WebMD diagnoses all they want with the information they find but if someone is unwilling to hear out even the basic concept of going to a doctor then it is almost a lost cause. I am really unsure of how to approach your husband about the quick blood test required, the wanna-be doctor in me wants to say print off the worst case scenarios of what happens with low testosterone other than lethargy and lack of effort but I know that is unlikely to help lol. However the realist in me says even if you find good information to support your cause, find a doctor, even make an appointment for him that he will still not do anything about it.

Other than the testosterone I am not sure how much more talking you can give him. You have told him how you feel, you have told him that you are just looking for a bit of attention, you have offered ideas as to solutions such as seeing a doctor but none of it is really being heard. Is there some way that talking to him has worked for other things in the past? Maybe a situation where talking to him at dinner has worked better? Or maybe before bed? Anything?

[Stillness]

But regardless of all this, can't he try to be a little nicer to me and say nice things. Why does he prefer to play computer days or watch stupid reality shows instead of have a conversation with me or just sit next to me on the couch and watch some TV together.

I don't know, but I feel your pain. If you figure out a method to make your spouse behave like you want, please let me know. After I use it myself we can package it, sell it, and retire on our own private islands.

[Harmony]

SP, you need to adopt the time honored feminine tactic of assuming an implacable attitude and initiating conversation when he has no chance to run away: before bed, when he's in bed hungover, in a stuck lift...

I know it is a bit 'self help' but writing him a letter will be bound to get you point across.

[Stillness]

Also, I am pretty sure its a physical issue since he doesn't always have erections in the morning. He also has problems staying hard and getting hard enough.

FYI, all men don't necessarily always have erections when they wake up. I often do, but not always. I probably don't have to tell you that the erections come and go during sleep. They can be gone when a man wakes and not necessarily signal dysfunction. The real test is whether or not he gets them at all during sleep. You probably know about this, but you can google "nocturnal penile tumescence."

Also recently I had a first, I willed an erection away while my wife was touching me. I was able to do it on two separate occasions when I was particularly disgusted with her half-hearted response. It was at a period where I was probably the most in-shape I've been in years. My point is that I don't think the psychological should be discounted. If I can shut it down, anybody can.

I don't know if this helps, but I was thinking about this thread and my situation and it popped into my head. I thought I'd share.

[DreamP346]

Yeah, I know it could be a multitude of issues - stress from lack of work, stress when working, etc. But the problem that bothers me the most is his lack of effort. We pretty much only have sex once a month now. Its in the middle of the night. He says its the only time he can have an erection. He will wake up, roll over and pull my bottoms off (doesn't try to wake me up first or anything), touches we for about 30 seconds to get me wet, climbs on top and is done in 3 minutes. Afterwards he likes to spoon and go to sleep. I know he does this because he's afraid he will lose his erection in the middle of it all, but come on, does it really have to be that bad. I've told him that this makes we feel used and that I might as well be a blow-up doll. Its gotten so bad that I just lie there like a dead fish and wait for him to be done. I've told him before that I don't like it, but he hasn't changed.

Sometimes I wonder if I should try to enjoy what I do get, but I guess I just have so much resentfulness building up that I can't.