Hey Rcoreyus,
Thanks for the reply. Now, let me answer your queries and reply to comment...
I agree with you in that having 2 people makes things easier, or at least, it should make things easier. However, I'm finding that while he does make meals once in awhile, I'm the one doing 95% of the cooking, and the cleanup as well, much of the time. He knew before marrying me, that I'm a clean, tidy person. I like things organized and uncluttered, and he had said the same thing prior to marriage, but now wants things to be messier. He said that he can't be himself in such a clean house. Do I lower my standards? We had gotten on a Sunday cleaning schedule, where we would divide up and conquer the chores, which worked great because instead of me spending the afternoon doing all the chores, we'd be done in 2 hours! He hasn't helped with this though in a few weeks, even during his 3- week Christmas break.
As for work, honestly, I love time spent alone, and don't get nearly enough of it these days. So, in no way do I expect him to rush through his class preparations to spend time with me. Unfortunately, as a prof, his day isn't done when he leaves the classroom, whereas mine is done at 5pm. I don't have to take the work home with me, which is pretty lucky. This is part of his stress: when he spends so much time prepping and marking only to find that (some) students don't do well, and he feels that he's failed as a teacher. I've told him that he's a great teacher, but that he can only teach to the best of his abilities; it's up to the students to take the materials home and study them further. Some students are there only to fill a void in their schedules (option classes), and while he gets that, he doesn't truly understand that, and takes it personally when they do poorly.
He has not quit his job, and apparently, has decided not to do that anymore. His recent epiphany is that he knows he's a great teacher, and is above average (his words; not mine), and that he will be sticking to the teaching. Initially, he wanted to quit his job for a few reasons: the catalyst was that he was afraid of losing me. But also: the stress of home life versus stress of teaching, the longer commute, his routine was completely different.
As for bills, they skyrocketed because there are now 2 people using power, water, etc. (groceries included), instead of just 1. My grocery bill while living alone was about $250, tops, per month. Now, it's closer to $600 because we're buying a lot more of everything, meat included, which isn't cheap. When I lived alone, my meat of choice was fish or shrimp (he's allergic to both), and I ate A LOT of veggies/fruits. There are 2 people showering, the dishwasher gets run 2x a week instead of once, and laundry, oh boy! When I lived alone, there would be 2 loads per week, sometimes 3, if I did bedding. He likes the bedding done every week, and now there are my 2 loads, plus his 3, plus bedding, every week = 6 loads. So yeah, bills have increased a lot.
Yes, his history is different, as not many 40-somethings still live with their parents. As for sex on his part, during his 15-year post secondary stint, he concentrated on schooling instead of dating. When he did get into a relationship, it was with a gal with whom sex was painful, so that happened only once with them. I don't think actual intercourse happened during the threesome; it was more touching, oral sex from my understanding. And, in case you're wondering, his best friend from that is still his best friend, and was best man at our wedding. Part-time prof... someone will have to retire for him to get tenure, as the university can't take on another full-time prof in his department.
As for what caused me to fall for the guy in the first place: Prior to him, I had dated a string of guys who really weren't very nice or good for me. He treated me well, he treated my dogs well, and the male dog was smitten with him almost immediately. He (the dog) is really tough to win over! We both had much in common (hiking, travelling, photography, being outdoors, didn't want children, loved dogs, common values/life goals). And, I was also attracted to the fact that he has a really great job. My parents really liked him, which is also a hard-sell.
Thanks for the reply. Now, let me answer your queries and reply to comment...
I agree with you in that having 2 people makes things easier, or at least, it should make things easier. However, I'm finding that while he does make meals once in awhile, I'm the one doing 95% of the cooking, and the cleanup as well, much of the time. He knew before marrying me, that I'm a clean, tidy person. I like things organized and uncluttered, and he had said the same thing prior to marriage, but now wants things to be messier. He said that he can't be himself in such a clean house. Do I lower my standards? We had gotten on a Sunday cleaning schedule, where we would divide up and conquer the chores, which worked great because instead of me spending the afternoon doing all the chores, we'd be done in 2 hours! He hasn't helped with this though in a few weeks, even during his 3- week Christmas break.
As for work, honestly, I love time spent alone, and don't get nearly enough of it these days. So, in no way do I expect him to rush through his class preparations to spend time with me. Unfortunately, as a prof, his day isn't done when he leaves the classroom, whereas mine is done at 5pm. I don't have to take the work home with me, which is pretty lucky. This is part of his stress: when he spends so much time prepping and marking only to find that (some) students don't do well, and he feels that he's failed as a teacher. I've told him that he's a great teacher, but that he can only teach to the best of his abilities; it's up to the students to take the materials home and study them further. Some students are there only to fill a void in their schedules (option classes), and while he gets that, he doesn't truly understand that, and takes it personally when they do poorly.
He has not quit his job, and apparently, has decided not to do that anymore. His recent epiphany is that he knows he's a great teacher, and is above average (his words; not mine), and that he will be sticking to the teaching. Initially, he wanted to quit his job for a few reasons: the catalyst was that he was afraid of losing me. But also: the stress of home life versus stress of teaching, the longer commute, his routine was completely different.
As for bills, they skyrocketed because there are now 2 people using power, water, etc. (groceries included), instead of just 1. My grocery bill while living alone was about $250, tops, per month. Now, it's closer to $600 because we're buying a lot more of everything, meat included, which isn't cheap. When I lived alone, my meat of choice was fish or shrimp (he's allergic to both), and I ate A LOT of veggies/fruits. There are 2 people showering, the dishwasher gets run 2x a week instead of once, and laundry, oh boy! When I lived alone, there would be 2 loads per week, sometimes 3, if I did bedding. He likes the bedding done every week, and now there are my 2 loads, plus his 3, plus bedding, every week = 6 loads. So yeah, bills have increased a lot.
Yes, his history is different, as not many 40-somethings still live with their parents. As for sex on his part, during his 15-year post secondary stint, he concentrated on schooling instead of dating. When he did get into a relationship, it was with a gal with whom sex was painful, so that happened only once with them. I don't think actual intercourse happened during the threesome; it was more touching, oral sex from my understanding. And, in case you're wondering, his best friend from that is still his best friend, and was best man at our wedding. Part-time prof... someone will have to retire for him to get tenure, as the university can't take on another full-time prof in his department.
As for what caused me to fall for the guy in the first place: Prior to him, I had dated a string of guys who really weren't very nice or good for me. He treated me well, he treated my dogs well, and the male dog was smitten with him almost immediately. He (the dog) is really tough to win over! We both had much in common (hiking, travelling, photography, being outdoors, didn't want children, loved dogs, common values/life goals). And, I was also attracted to the fact that he has a really great job. My parents really liked him, which is also a hard-sell.
Get The Newsletter
Comment