[Dragonfly]

I have told him how I feel. He will tell me that I have "problems" I am insecure because of my father leaving me as a kid and it's my problem not his. I would never go over to hang out with someones husband - I think it is innappropriate and I would have never asked to drive to a male co-workers house to have him do errands for me - dropping of presents in the middle of the night with his wife and kids. It's bound to cause problems in any marriage. I am respectful with my female friends and their husbands. I think people can be friends with the opposite sex. But outside of work it should consist of doing things as couples not as individuals. For instance the movie When Harry met Sally - males and females can't be friends without the sex factor being there. I just feel like my husband is being disrepectful to me and my feelings.

[Fallen1]

I have told him how I feel. He will tell me that I have "problems" I am insecure because of my father leaving me as a kid and it's my problem not his. I would never go over to hang out with someones husband - I think it is innappropriate and I would have never asked to drive to a male co-workers house to have him do errands for me - dropping of presents in the middle of the night with his wife and kids. It's bound to cause problems in any marriage. I am respectful with my female friends and their husbands. I think people can be friends with the opposite sex. But outside of work it should consist of doing things as couples not as individuals. For instance the movie When Harry met Sally - males and females can't be friends without the sex factor being there. I just feel like my husband is being disrepectful to me and my feelings.

You're insecure because of your father? Wait a minute, did you not say he cheated on you before when you were dating? I know you stated it was when you were dating but still ...... I believe he contributed to your "insecurity" as well. Even if it all boils down to insecurity my opinion is he still needs to be respectful of your feelings on this. How would he feel if you were going off to male friends houses at night?

[JubesInquest]

When we were dating he cheated on me once. We have been together 15 years and married for 8. My father cheated on my mother and his father cheated on his mother. Its a touchy subject with me.

I do agree with Fallen1 when she says that the co-worker should have brought the gifts over the day before, since she knew she was going out of town.
Showing up on the doorstep at 9 pm will get your clock rocked where I'm from.

Anyway, using the above quote, Dragonfly, I can see why you feel the way you do. I think the woman wants more from your husband than just "friendship" or someone to talk to just to pass the time away.

It is also true that we women do have this "insight" into things that men don't see. You can sense the woman wants more or is up to something; but your husband is just as oblivious to it as he can be. He doesn't see a thing out of place.

I would say to remain positive with your husband. I know you don't trust the co-worker (I clearly understand that) so don't put any trust in her. Keep trusting your husband (you obviously got over the indescretion from when you 2 were dating; so it is apparent you trust him and you trusted him enough to marry him) and should there ever be EVIDENCE that shows he can't be trusted, then you take it from there.

[Dragonfly]

I am glad that you agree with me. I am very intuitive and I know a lot of women are. I went to bed mad and woke up even more upset. I heard him this morning carrying her presents out to his car and I was ****ed! He thinks that I am a jealous freak. I have children and I think my feelings and my kids feelings are more important than some girl at his work. Why didnt she give the presents to a female co-worker instead of my husband? Now today my husband is passing out her presents to all of her friends. The other thing that makes me so angry is that he came home and cleaned for 2 hours before she showed up. Our house was a little cluttered because his brother and our sister in law stayed with us with their four kids. He said that he wanted to make it look nice. If he didnt care about this girl than why clean for two hours?

[Fallen1]

I've been in a similar situation twice with my guy. Two different females that he was acquainted with definitely wanted more than just a friendship, I saw the little hints but he didn't. One kept inviting him to go places with her etc., the other started with friendly how are you emails (and me telling him all along that she was up to something) that finally ended up with a "could you ever have feelings for me" email. Nothing p*sses me off more than a female going after a guy knowing he is already taken. In both instances I kept telling him that there was more to it than what was on the surface. I got all bent out of shape and became a real ***** over the situations. Once certain things came to light he saw that I was not just full of wind. He now has nothing to do with these girls.

[kaylar]

Maybe I'm psychic, but when I read the first post
I had this impact of a gal who has reached the
stage of 'ownership' of the husband, so that she
can, when she feels like it, march into his house.

He has talked about this woman quite a bit, has he?
Softening the blow?
Or getting instant explanations as to why they
were seen here there and everywhere?

In one case, a chap was President of this service club
and gal was the secretary. And you know they had
to work so closely together...right?

After a while chap was booted from being President,
but didn't tell his wife. Still claiming to be working
with his 'Secretary'.

If you feel something is going on, something is going
on. And gal's incursion into your home underlines it.

[Dragonfly]

So all of you don't think I'm nuts. It is a weird situation. I know that she is also married and is pregnant. (not my husbands - he has had a vasectomy ) I just don't like how friendly it is. It feels like there is always some girl helping my husband - One other girl would car pool with him to work. I don't like feeling jealous but I do have a trust issue with my husband. I'm sure if the roles were reversed my husband would be bothered. He was angry with me lastnight because I brought up the time when he did cheat on me before we were married. He said that we made a vow that we would forgive and forget once we became married and now I am a liar for bringing it up.

[Fallen1]

He said that we made a vow that we would forgive and forget once we became married and now I am a liar for bringing it up.

I can understand him being upset because you both vowed to forgive and forget BUT once you make a choice the odds are you have to live with the repercussions of that decision the rest of your life. Everything you do in your life has an affect on someone else in one way or another. His choice to cheat placed that small thread of doubt with you, it's his fault you have doubts not yours. He let you know how upset he was, let him know how upset you are that he seems to value the friendship of another female over your feelings. Sorry, didn't mean to rant.

[Dragonfly]

The other thing that bothers me is that he called me yesterday in the afternoon to ask if it was ok for this girl to stop by during the night. I was extremely irritated because he already told her to stop by before he even called me to ask my permission. I told him that he should have asked me first before he told her that it was alright. I think all of this is a respect issue. I would call him first before inviting visitors over.

[kaylar]

I don't think your husband has a choice
in the matter.

If the gal wants to come over, she'll come
over. All he can do is try to lessen your
surprise.

Body language speaks more than words.
Read it.