[jpm]

i am happily married for almost 10 yrs. now w/ 2 beautiful children,sadly... problem happened only this month when my husband admitted that he cheated on me i was sooo shocked! i tried so hard to be calm but my body was shaking while i was crying i can't believe this thing will happen to me even in my dreams.Early 2005 i let my cousin to live w/ us because she's nowhere to go.First ,i talk to my husband he said NO but eventually i convinced him for the reason that i want to work.According to him august of 2006 he had sex w/ my cousin 2x while i was working and that was it! he also told me that he was only sexually attracted nothing more than that,that he loves me,he is wrong,pls. forgive me,i love you,it won't happen again,i don't like nor love her,i'm sorry i hurt you,disrespect you,our family things like that to make the story short,i forgive him but i have so many (?) running on my mind because after the august incident there's also kissing scene in our own house,while i was out w/ my eldest(12/08),oral sex in our house while me and my boys are in the bathroom(12/08),he enter in the bathroom while my cousin is taking a shower while me and my kids is also taking a bath(12/08),kissing her on my sisters apartment (12/23/08),kissing her in my house while i was in the car waiting(12/24/08),and lastly,kissing her inside our kitchen while i was in the hospital because my eldest got sick(feb.4 2008).All of these things driving me crazy!i comfronted my cousin and send her out of my house as soon as my husband admmitted all of this but still i was i shocked,i can't believe that this things happened i love my family as well as my husband and i know that he still love me too but the problem is i have no peace of mind my heart is aching it's sooo hard to forget promise!Everyday i tried so much to lesten the pain in my heart but when it came to my mind the day turned into bad mood.How can i throwaway ANGER?PAIN?Did i already forgiven my husband? i am floating,flying like a bird when i think about it!i don't know what to do all i know in my heart is that i am soooo angry w/ my cousin i've done so many things to her family especially to her i sopported her financially,mentally everything!i need some advice...pls help! thanks---jen---

[rcoreyus]

i am happily married for almost 10 yrs. now w/ 2 beautiful children,sadly... problem happened only this month when my husband admitted that he cheated on me i was sooo shocked! i tried so hard to be calm but my body was shaking while i was crying i can't believe this thing will happen to me even in my dreams.Early 2005 i let my cousin to live w/ us because she's nowhere to go.First ,i talk to my husband he said NO but eventually i convinced him for the reason that i want to work.According to him august of 2006 he had sex w/ my cousin 2x while i was working and that was it! he also told me that he was only sexually attracted nothing more than that,that he loves me,he is wrong,pls. forgive me,i love you,it won't happen again,i don't like nor love her,i'm sorry i hurt you,disrespect you,our family things like that to make the story short,i forgive him but i have so many (?) running on my mind because after the august incident there's also kissing scene in our own house,while i was out w/ my eldest(12/08),oral sex in our house while me and my boys are in the bathroom(12/08),he enter in the bathroom while my cousin is taking a shower while me and my kids is also taking a bath(12/08),kissing her on my sisters apartment (12/23/08),kissing her in my house while i was in the car waiting(12/24/08),and lastly,kissing her inside our kitchen while i was in the hospital because my eldest got sick(feb.4 2008).All of these things driving me crazy!i comfronted my cousin and send her out of my house as soon as my husband admmitted all of this but still i was i shocked,i can't believe that this things happened i love my family as well as my husband and i know that he still love me too but the problem is i have no peace of mind my heart is aching it's sooo hard to forget promise!Everyday i tried so much to lesten the pain in my heart but when it came to my mind the day turned into bad mood.How can i throwaway ANGER?PAIN?Did i already forgiven my husband? i am floating,flying like a bird when i think about it!i don't know what to do all i know in my heart is that i am soooo angry w/ my cousin i've done so many things to her family especially to her i sopported her financially,mentally everything!i need some advice...pls help! thanks---jen---

Sounds like he is still cheating. It is a dangerous mix for people who are attracted to each other to have opportunities to become intimate. Even with the best intentions, sometimes people loose control.

[jpm]

as of now i'm 100% sure that he's not.Right now we are living as one whole family no more helper he promised that he will be faithful to me forever and that he already realized his mistake but the problem is i don't know where to begin there's a lot of (?) in my mind does he really love me? because if he does he won't cheat on me right?is that only a sexual attraction? or more than that because he'd done this crazy things in our own house and oh lord! w/ my cousin(our helper).We already talked a lot but still am hurting although i promised that i'll try my very best to forget everything is that possible?i want my everyday living to be back the way it was before pls...any advice from you guys who will read this

[rcoreyus]

If the temptation isn't there, he may be fine. Opportunity will sometimes make men and women do things they would never do if they thought about it. I've been in that situation - didn't actually do anything, but I can easily see how it could have happened. Your

[rcoreyus]

hit post button by mistake - continuuing
your thinking gets all muddled. Some voice says "why not?, who will it hurt anyway". It doesn't have anything to do with love - but lust can be a very strong motivation.

[jody1971]

If you can forgive your husband after an incident like that, you are a better person than I am.There is no way in hell I would be so forgiving to either of them.My first marriage was to a man who cheated on me and then swore it would never happen again. It did. again ...and again... and again. I finally had my fill and divorced him. I've been with my current husband for almost 16 yrs and he is the best thing to ever happen to me. I know in my heart that he would NEVER cheat on me . I trust him. Can you ever really trust your husband again? Maybe I'm judging your husband by my ex's standards, but I have NEVER regretted leaving him. My life is wonderful now and my ex is still going from woman to woman. I wish you luck. I know it's hard to deal with betrayal. I hope that this was a one time thing, but in my experience, once a cheater, always a cheater.

[crystal6033]

If U can forgive your husband then u should forgive your cousin..it goes both ways she played the same part in it as he did no one played a bigger part in this..If ur through with ur cousin and still with ur husband tring to forgive him isnt fair to your cousin cause IT TAKES TWO!! I kno you love him but u have to think about u and your happiness and not to mention your kids also..I know u wnt to put the past but what once a cheat is always a cheat in my book..Its ur decision to say If u say u forgive but if u do u have to forget thats the part of forgiving...If u feel this way all the time n its not getting any better you have to do something about it..But, most of all you have to pray and ask GOD to direct ur path and help you do the right thing and I promise you he wont lead you wrong n he will help you go the way that is right for u whether its being with your husband still or not..

[jpm]

thanks guys...your advices are very much appreciated

[kaylar]

If you can forgive your husband after an incident like that, you are a better person than I am.There is no way in hell I would be so forgiving to either of them.My first marriage was to a man who cheated on me and then swore it would never happen again. It did. again ...and again... and again. I finally had my fill and divorced him. I've been with my current husband for almost 16 yrs and he is the best thing to ever happen to me. I know in my heart that he would NEVER cheat on me . I trust him. Can you ever really trust your husband again? Maybe I'm judging your husband by my ex's standards, but I have NEVER regretted leaving him. My life is wonderful now and my ex is still going from woman to woman. I wish you luck. I know it's hard to deal with betrayal. I hope that this was a one time thing, but in my experience, once a cheater, always a cheater.

Jody, it is not that the poster is a better person
than you are; you are wiser. You can read a situation
without the need to 'clean it up', cutting and pasting
to make it seem otherwise than it is.

As you mentioned, your ex is still going woman to
woman, and no doubt promising 'never to do it again.'

A cheater has a particular agenda he runs.
go on until getting caught...often almost
forcing the wife to see he's unfaithful...
getting her to forgive him so he gets that
added ego boost..."I'm so priceless to her
that even though I've screwed down the
town she still Wants ME!"...
then, after lulling her into a stupor he goes
wild, enjoying the sex so much more, trying
for that double bedder, where he slams his
gal, comes home and slams his wife.

Cheating comes with lying. And when someone
lies and gets over, respect is gone.

Once respect is gone....

[LadyLane]

I've been married for almost nine years with a child, so we're kind of in the same ballpark. I have a bit of a problem with the terminology. He didn't "cheat on you for the first time" - the first time he touched her was the first time he cheated.

He had an AFFAIR with your cousin. Whether it was sex or love, he never felt the remorse or loyalty to you to stop it after the first time - which, if it was going to happen, should have been the only time. That would be considered cheating one time.

As I said I have a child, so I feel that I would forgive my husband for a large number of things, because we are a family, and because I feel that I would pull through for all our sake's. Again, depending on the situation. But an affair in our house with a family member? That's a tough pill to swallow.

This man did sexual things to a woman in YOUR house while you were AT HOME WITH YOUR CHILDREN... I think I don't even know how to continue. I'm getting ill thinking about it.