[amy40]

kitty remember that over dependence post a while back?
ready to talk about subject

[amy40]

Was less dependent when first married since we were both working full time. Think I actually had 2 jobs then. So we were making about the same amount.

[amy40]

Want to downsize house now so it would be more manageable for us physically/financially in the future.

[atskitty2]

Well, nothing wrong with planning and foresight, even for the most dreadful possibilities that lie ahead.

Dependence tho, isn't a good thing. Do you think it's really dependence? Sounds like it could be, from what you've shared, here and other posts.
I think the remedy for those situations is to change ourselves, not the circumstances. Depending on anyone for those basics in life is pretty unhealthy, in my opinion. I really don't like counting on anyone else to be sure I'm taken care of. Of course, in marriage there's mutual caring for, that's naturally a part of the relationship.

Does it bother you, really, that there seems to be that component to the marriage?

[amy40]

Does it bother you, really, that there seems to be that component to the marriage?

Yes, because emotionally feel we may too dependent on one another.

[amy40]

Been thinking about this more.....dependence vs independence.

[amy40]

Maybe it's not so bad after all being dependent on husband. We didn't start out that way. So, even though I'm not working and feel dependent on him now, it hasn't always been this way.

[amy40]

think maybe it's just the house stuff, want a more manageable house

[amy40]

Kitty
realized this morning, this topic ties in to my self-confidence

think being a SAHM has taken a toll on my self-confidence now that our child does not need me as much
liked the young ages of total dependence on me






thanks for advice kitty....do need to do some of what you listed

[atskitty2]

Well, I do think if you have some confidence issues in general that the SAHM job would possibly add to that. Seems like culturally we undervalue the work of those women.

I think that may add to the dependency, but I think generally it is not good to feel dependent on any other person. As I said earlier, with marriage, there does come some mutual dependence and that's to be expected.
Do I think you'd be fine if you found yourself alone, yes. You need to have that confidence tho. Have a plan in place for yourself. Get appropriate insurance in place, keep some sort of working skills in place and education current, and keep an idea of what the job market is in your area.
Have some ideas in place for how you would carry out the care of the house or if you would sell it, car maintenance and so forth. At least have an idea of all you need to care for in the event there is loss or divorce or incapacitation occurs.

I think that's all that's necessary really. I think staying home to focus on raising kids is a respectable and needed job in our culture. I would have done it too. But I also think we need to be prepared for any circumstance. that will alleviate some of the dependency issues you feel. I think so anyway.