sex drive

[amy40]

found a "my sex drive is too high" thread of 28 pages
too bad many members left when the site changed
there seems to be some long, interesting threads from years ago

speaking of sex drive, decided to see if husband would initiate when he was off work for a week.......nada
so yesterday I sorta complained and he gave our child as an excuse

but we've found ways to be creative but he is still saying he's afraid we'll get caught

[amy40]

guess he was probably tired too as we did a bunch of long day trips with child so he probably just didn't think of sex

[Claret]

Yes we had interesting discussions, some generated great and wonderful insights into the human mind, other's were contentious and only posted to raise the ire of other posters. Some, we even had to wonder about the validity of the topic. Some we gave the benefit of the doubt and other's we just called BS on. There is no sense is resurrecting the "if only the site hadn't changed", or the " where did all those wonderful posters go". We've moved on, we have new wonderful posters, new ideas in many cases more mature responses and posts.

Re: your other issue - some people like to live on the edge other's don't. At one time I was very adventurous but probably wouldn't be today. Get into role playing if your are seeking some spontaneity it can be safely done and last an entire day - at least until the child is sound asleep.

[amy40]

Get into role playing if your are seeking some spontaneity it can be safely done and last an entire day - at least until the child is sound asleep.

have developed our way of talking so child doesn't have a clue

he is right though that we do not want to get caught
yeah and I hate that he's right

[Stillness]

Is it really so bad for kids to know that their parents are affectionate with each other, even to see some displays of affection?

My parents were divorced when I was young and I don't have kids, so I don't know how things work. And I'm not saying you get busy right in front of them, but I don't see why it needs to be a big secret that mommy and daddy have sex.

[amy40]

Is it really so bad for kids to know that their parents are affectionate with each other, even to see some displays of affection?

agree, think that is good and we do hug and kiss in front of child

husband doesn't want to be accidently walked in on and he is so afraid kid will wake

[Stillness]

I had friends that caught their parents having sex growing up. They were grossed out about it, but also seemed to like the fact that their parents were coming together.

One of my cousins was recently talking about his parents and how he and his sister knew they were having sex all the time and how embarrassing it was - especially when they had company. But his parents are still together after over 40 decades and he has a deep respect for that. He and his siblings are all very close with their parents. They weren't scarred. In fact, he was lamenting not having with his wife what his parents had.

It's good for parents to keep their business to themselves to some extent, but it's not good for anybody if a couple isn't bonding. Kids can learn how to knock and respect privacy. That's my opinion.

[Claret]

Is it really so bad for kids to know that their parents are affectionate with each other, even to see some displays of affection?

My parents were divorced when I was young and I don't have kids, so I don't know how things work. And I'm not saying you get busy right in front of them, but I don't see why it needs to be a big secret that mommy and daddy have sex.

Stillness, I'm from a family that open expressed love and affection towards each other. It was not unheard of for myself or my sister to come home from being out and finding our parents laying on the couch, snuggling and kissing. We never caught them in the act and I doubt that they would have taken those types of chances. We did know that their bedroom was off limits, to knock and wait for them to invite us in if the door was closed. We received the same consideration.

I suppose at the age of 14 I knew what was going on, but certainly any younger than 10 or so I'd be really leary of having them see too much.

[atskitty2]

Do you not have a lock on the door?

[amy40]

Do you not have a lock on the door?

no lock until just recently

has heard us when we've only been talking and gets up to tell us to whisper

had the open door policy from day 1, where child could come in bedroom if got scared in middle of night

[amy40]

any younger than 10 or so I'd be really leary of having them see too much.

agree Claret; our kid is under ten and also young (immature) for age

[a_dub]

agree, think that is good and we do hug and kiss in front of child

husband doesn't want to be accidently walked in on and he is so afraid kid will wake

Coming from a conservative Indian family background, my parents never did any PDA. Of course they had a pretty terrible relationship all along (arranged marriage and met each other for the first time 2 hours before they got married). I think most immigrant brown parents are like that. A good friend of mine is Pakistani and married to a white woman and he was telling me how I was the one who was abnormal for thinking PDA is weird. I don't know why, but PDA makes me feel uncomfortable if its my friends doing it (if it were strangers, I'd grab some popcorn, lol). And I'm so thankful I never had to see PDA at home. I guess its a cultural thing.

I wonder how most posters here felt when seeing their parents hug or kiss and how they feel doing it in front of their children.

[jns]

First, this is about what I saw in my home, not how my parents acted in public, which was fairly conservative.

I felt a bit silly/goofy but I did not feel it was inappropriate. In fact I was happy my father and mother still enjoyed being physically together. I guess in a way it made me sure we had a stable family. It did get them into trouble, though since I have a brother 12 years younger than me and a sister 8 1/2 years younger. Both were not planned. The relationship couldn't have been too bad because it lasted almost 60 years until the death of my father.

I think that the displays of affection are good training for the children so that they know what they are supposed to do in relationships when they get older. The displays are also assurance to the children about the permanence of the relationship.

Your Pakistani friend is bridging the gap between the older style and the newer style. You are still more comfortable with the older style. If you find the right girl who you want to chase and follow, you will be surprised how much you will question your actions if she wants to do things differently. You may end up having one face for your family and another one more privately.

[jns]

Of course they had a pretty terrible relationship all along (arranged marriage and met each other for the first time 2 hours before they got married).

I had a coworker from India who went back to marry his wife in an arranged marriage. He went off to work somewhere else not long after, but he and his wife seemed to get along. I've seen arranged marriage in Cambodia and even been asked my opinion since I had met both the bride and the groom. They seemed to be well matched, but there is always some give and take in a marriage. The old style was for the groom to live with the bride's family for two years before getting their own place. That way the bride's father could continue to protect his daughter while making sure the son-in-law had the knowledge of two families. He also got free labor for the two years.

I know that this is hard to do, but do you have some ideas why and where your parent's marriage broke down?

[a_dub]

I know that this is hard to do, but do you have some ideas why and where your parent's marriage broke down?

Yeah arranged marriages CAN work. But it requires a bit of luck and a lot of foresight. Two commodities most people don't have in abundance.

Regarding my parents, there was never any shared values between my parents. They were never on the same page about pretty everything. They argue about just about everything, but the crux of the problem is financial. My mom wants things like new furniture, an air conditioner that works, and a new washing machine when the old one finally stops working. My dad doesn't think a new washing machine is affordable on a 6-figure salary, or that AC is really necessary when its only 95 degress outside, and wants to make sure they have enough
money to pay for his 2nd cousin's daughter's wedding back in the village in India.