[Ashlee T.]

I agree. Good call, Worried Man Blues ! I hope you will come back and keep us posted!

[atskitty2]

I'm so glad you have taken that step. Have you battled depression before? Or is this the first time?

[Popcorn&Candy]

I'm glad you're getting help for your depression. You're not alone and I hope you get better.

[Worried Man Blues]

I thought I'd post a quick update as I feel as confused as ever and I'm not in a good place as far as the depression, *atkitty2 this is the first time I've had problems with depression though I have had some problems with anxiety in the past.
Since I last posted me and my partner met up for dinner and she was really loving,she kept telling me how much she loved me and you could tell she was touched when I told her all she means to me. It was such a beautiful evening that I didn't bring up any of my concerns as I wanted to enjoy the moment. We had a lovely kiss before she headed home and when I got home I texted her thanking her for a wonderful evening and told her again how much I loved her, I got no reply, The next morning I called and got no answer. I thought she might need some space so didn't text again till the evening asking how she was feeling and she replied that she wanted to be left alone. The next day she called me and was again very loving and sexually flirty. Since then whenever we've talked she's been at best civil, ignores any words of love I say to her and when I tried to be a bit flirty with her yesterday she made me feel like she was disgusted by the thought of me touching her. I'm still as confused as ever. We have talked a little about what she's going through and I try to be as supportive as I can and give her the space she says she needs.
What is hurting the most is that it feels like I'm only being shown love for a day or so every few weeks and the rest of the time I feel at best as though I'm an annoyance. Logically this could be to do with her hormones but there's a small but constantly nagging part of me that feels that I'm being fed just enough love to keep me here while she decides if she still wants me.
I feel awful that I'm so worried about myself when I should just trust that this is all to do with what she's going through and give her 100% support . I'm not really functioning properly as I wake up anxious wondering If I will hear from her and If I do what mood will she be in and that stays with me all day.
I think my biggest fear Is that I'm looking inwards so much that I'm not giving her all the support she needs and that It's me that's making things worse.
I've read as much as I can find about what she's going through and how to be supportive but If anyone has any other advise It would be appreciated.

[atskitty2]

Quite honestly, this sounds like bread crumbs. Do you know what I mean by that?
I think that nagging part of you that thinks you're being fed just enough love to keep you here, is actually your gut trying to tell you something. Listen to it and get out. I've had that thought from the beginning, but, the fact that you even have that in your mind, confirms it for me.

You have invested a lot of time in this relationship, given of yourself and I really think it's time to consider letting her go. What I'm seeing is YOU doing all the giving. All the effort is made by you. That's not a healthy, stable relationship.

[jns]

You have invested a lot of time in this relationship, given of yourself and I really think it's time to consider letting her go. What I'm seeing is YOU doing all the giving. All the effort is made by you. That's not a healthy, stable relationship.

Precisely.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I don't think she has any love or caring for you. From what I can gather from your posts, she has made that abundantly clear. Your love for her won't make her love YOU: she doesn't care how you're feeling. I say this, because she must know you've got depression and anxiety. And her behaviour is not helping your emotions and mental health. I'd take stock and end the relationship. You deserve someone who loves and cherishes you: she does not love and cherish you and never will. I don't mean that nastily: I mean this to say you are a wonderful person and someone out there will want you and will want to care about you. Why should you waste your life with someone who doesn't give a **** about you? Why are you holding on to a dead-end relationship? Again, your love won't change her or her attitude. For your sanity, I'd end things now.

[Texasred]

A good friend of mine put up with a situation like yours for literally years, but when he finally broke up with his "girlfriend" he says it was the best day of his life! He's moved on and found someone who truly appreciates him.

[Popcorn&Candy]

I think Texasred has made a good point: when you realize you deserve better and break up with her, it will be the best day of YOUR life. I think you're carrying a terrible burden and are living in misery. I know you love her, but why do you accept it as your lot/something you have to live with? I am not trying to be patronizing, but I do feel my points are valid. You can't fix her or change her with your love. I think the relationship is beyond repair. I do also feel she is taking you for a mug and from what I can gather, has no respect for you.

I know I am being harsh, but this is what I think from reading your posts.

[Beeface77]

I'm a newbie on here.Hunted for any kind of comfort regarding this exact issue. I have PMDD, been married for close to 3 years. I took a trip to see my family overseas recently and the first day got back, I was instantly tense, afraid and anxious. No particular reason just because I was in his presence again and would have to watch myself.
You see, he has never been supportive of this diagnosed issue. Like all men who don't research the seriousness of this debilitating condition, he assumes I'm making it up or using it as an excuse to be verbally loud and erratic towards him. Even though there is now so much information regarding this and my doc even tried talking to him. This is NOT true. I love my husband so much and when I'm not experiencing a bad day, I show him love him,respect and I'm affectionate, apologetic for my behavior (which I'm certain hurts him so much).

When in this "mood" I ca be a totally different person. I don't do anything reckless, like cheat, go to bars and try toxic ways to feel better.After a yelling session, which seems very reasonable to me at the time, I drive out the house to a parking lot to wallow in the shame as I slowly calm down and "come back to my right mind. The feeling is horrifying and shameful.

When I'm experiencing this state of mind, its very physical too. My heart is pumping vigorously, my BP rises, I feel sick inside my head (head hurts a different way than regular). I sometimes feel like throwing stuff but I recognize the symptoms and just flee the scene. I've never been in denial and have always tried to seek treatments as I research. I scream out loud and pace the floor and act like a crazy person.I hate it.

My husband now wants a divorce because of this-he told me last Sunday that he tried to give me a chance "to change" , as if this a personality or character issue. I've been a mess since. I play cool at work and hide my feelings but the second I got home, I would feel helpless again. I have given him space this past week, didn't beg for forgiveness like I usually do and have told him sorry for the umpteenth time. What KILLS me is that he wants to split not because of infidelity, not because he doesn't love me anymore...but because of this condition that has destroyed all respect, or good view he has ever had of me. Add the fact that he doesn't accept this is a medical condition to the mix and I cant convince him otherwise.

Imhurting that my husband cant love through this If he became disabled (God forbid) I would hands down devote my life to making him feel normal and loved again. Im hurting that he stopped me from taking antidepressants which could've helped by saying he doesn't want be with someone who takes them.

If you love her and choose to support her, please do IF she is willing to get treatment. There is no point in staying if she is in denial. She will just hurt your kind heart more.Plus you're not married yet.
I wish my husband cared as much as you.

Best wishes to you kind soul and to all reading, please send positive thoughts and payers for my marriage.