[Red77]

I, (22) and my husband (30) have been together a couple years. At first sex was great. The last year, it’s declined. Now it’s to the point where it’s not enjoyable with him. I’m into the rough stuff. I want to be dominated. I mentioned this to him at the beginning of the year that I would like to explore and see what I like. He agreed, but he only initiated once after that. I want to be the submissive one when it comes to sex but he has told me in recent months that he doesn’t like to be the dominant one. He wants me to be. There isn’t much foreplay. It’s really messing with me now. I’ve mentioned maybe adding a third every now and then and at first he was on board, when he thought I meant another girl. I want another guy involved and he said he wasn’t sure if he would ever be ready for that. Now, I’m really debating bringing up maybe an open relationship. I don’t want to leave him over the sex not being good. It doesn’t seem logical. What would you do if you were me? What advice do you have? I didn’t really get to explore my sexy side before I got together with my husband. Now I want to and I’m afraid I won’t be able to.

[EmptyNester]

Sexual incompatibility is indeed a legit reason for ending a relationship. Time to have another coversation about your sexual needs and where it could lead if they are not/cannot be met by him.

[atskitty2]

Welcome Red77! So glad you joined us!

If he wasn't open to a threesome, I doubt he'll be into opening the relationship.
I'm also guessing that he had the opportunity to explore sexuality prior to meeting you 2 years ago? And you, at 20, had not had the time to do that? Is that a fair statement?

Sexual incompatibility is a thing. It's a big thing and as mentioned above, is a legit reason to walk away from a relationship, but it doesn't mean some compromises can't be attempted, especially in a commitment such as marriage.

Work on it. Talk through it. Be completely open and honest and encourage him to do the same. Until it's all out on the table, and each side understands the other's needs, there will be questions and a pause in your ability to move forward, whatever that may mean for the relationship.

[jns]

I, (22) and my husband (30) have been together a couple years. At first sex was great. The last year, it’s declined. Now it’s to the point where it’s not enjoyable with him. I’m into the rough stuff. I want to be dominated. I mentioned this to him at the beginning of the year that I would like to explore and see what I like. He agreed, but he only initiated once after that. I want to be the submissive one when it comes to sex but he has told me in recent months that he doesn’t like to be the dominant one. He wants me to be. There isn’t much foreplay. It’s really messing with me now. I’ve mentioned maybe adding a third every now and then and at first he was on board, when he thought I meant another girl. I want another guy involved and he said he wasn’t sure if he would ever be ready for that. Now, I’m really debating bringing up maybe an open relationship. I don’t want to leave him over the sex not being good. It doesn’t seem logical. What would you do if you were me? What advice do you have? I didn’t really get to explore my sexy side before I got together with my husband. Now I want to and I’m afraid I won’t be able to.

Welcome to WH Interactive Forums. Maybe role playing would help the relationship along. You want him to dominate. He plays the role of dominating. In turn, he wants you to dominate so you play the role of dominating. Obviously the dominating is done at different times. Along the way, you both study the ways to dominate and the ways to be submissive. I generally don't think porn is good for training, but some domination and submission videos might be good for the introductory lessons. From what you describe, I don't think very much is being discussed now. Maybe this would be a way forward to get the conversation started.

[amy40]

my husband & I "waited" until we married
so I never knew he was not as sexual as most men are

our whole marriage has been what is considered "sexless" as in 10X/yr or less EVEN when first married
it's been tough for me & believe me I've tried everything to entice him into having sex

don't believe men can change their ways
if they do, it's only for a few months

[jns]

my husband & I "waited" until we married
so I never knew he was not as sexual as most men are

our whole marriage has been what is considered "sexless" as in 10X/yr or less EVEN when first married
it's been tough for me & believe me I've tried everything to entice him into having sex

don't believe men can change their ways
if they do, it's only for a few months

Men can change but rarely do. It almost has to be a shift in moral standing.

I'm sorry your marriage has so little sex. It could be worse but not a lot worse. If sex wasn't part of the package, I might have not got married. Sex has so many things it can change in a relationship. Flirting, joking, teasing, actually noticing the other person's body, etc.

[Kayla Lords]

I agree with others who say sexual incompatibility is definitely a legit reason to end a relationship. That being said, if part of the problem is communicating your mutual needs clearly, I highly recommend a book called Tongue-Tied by Stella Harris (it's available in print, e-book, and audiobook). It walks you through both figuring out what you want and learning how to talk to your partner about it. It might be something that could help both of you at least discuss what you want in a clear way. Once you both understand what the other wants (or doesn't want), then you can decide what you want to do about it in your relationship.