[Briana]

Is it possible he has an "addiction" to sex. You give him great sex, even Anal or would... Maybe he wants more and can't help himself? Horrid reason but maybe.

CW

I guess it could be possible I don't know much about it but he has an alcohol addiction, but with the treatment is doing much better. Im going to google sex addiction and read about it.

[Tim4family]

Not all of us are liers and cheats. Perhaps you should consider a relationship with a man who is devoted and honest. You deserve this at the very least. Any man who can put a woman through what you are going through is a total and complete JERK! Please move on and find youself a good man. Any man that cheats on his wife/girlfriend is not deserving of the gift you have bestowed. Give it to a guy who will worship the ground you walk on. I am sorry I have nothing else, but this guy is a dirtbag. Only my advice.

[SorridLives]

I am not sure what the reason he is doing it is, but it is *his* problem. You can try talking to him about it again. I would start to assess if you want to put up with him. If you aren't happy, what is the point? Do what you have to do.....
Good luck!

[lovemyself1]

i say be a better detective. use someone elses phone to call this girl. or when he's sleeping use his phone to call her. if he's not sleeping with her then he's not cheating with her.
set him up to fail...tell him to go out and have fun, but once he leaves, follow him. get a sitter, drop your daughter off at the neighbors whatever you have to do. see what happens.

it seems to me that once a woman is honest with a man about how she feels he freaks out. maybe make him wonder if you might be having an affair of you own. just to make him feel the same way you do.

[Nonto]

gal just let him be in this days its so hard to find a man which will love u all by urself, he will have to get someone else on the side to also satisfy him, cause basicly it seems there is no trust and honesty in ur relationship so gal just leave him

[CJNS]

You Should End The Relationship....right Now, You're Allowing Him To Have The Very Best Of Both Worlds

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Yes, I did answer your thread in detail pertaining to the alcoholism but, in this thread you bring something else to the table.

Let me get this right, he has cheated in the past, you knew about them, accepted them and I am assuming he knew that you knew also, and on this occasion you are trying to get him to fess up to this one... Did you try to get him to fess up on the other ones during those times?

I am only thinking that his situation is this:-

1. I am an alcoholic
2. I am trying to quit and going through a programme
3. If i remember right, he cried? but was this because he realised his life was tumbling.
4. I know she can't leave i pay the bills
5. I know she loves me and I've got away with things
6. I've cheated on her before and she knows and she stays
7. This time she's asking, best i shut up
8...She gives me sex daily

Love does not mean that you allow a person to have complete freedom, to do what they want and constantly forgive, and leave it in the back of your mind, because hey he comes home to you afterall, the other thing was fluff.

Love also does not mean that you give to him sexually in order to feel that, that will constitute the relationship and he would not want to leave.

Too many Women feel that the more they give, the more the guy will love her and the more he will stay, not stray and she is doing good.

She is in fact doing harm...

Reason? Because he can do what ever he wants when he wants, knowing that she will not leave and after a while the tides of having fun and having her there just becomes a different form of love, certainly no respect and eventually he moves on because a woman says NO to him and he likes the idea that that woman only wants him and would leave if she even as much as smelt perfume on him..

If you have accepted it in the past as ahh okay, and accepted it again, and again, then you need to change that mindset which i think now you are in fact doing, you are saying enough...

Only he thinks he can wipe this one under the table as well.

I think alcohol destroys the sense of obligations as well, and certainly would have played a big part in what he has done in the past for sure.

This woman probably won't answer as she's onto you, he's onto you.. He probably has a code, texts first before she answers for instance, so I don't like your chances, seeing as you have even tried from his phone and a blocked phone number.

Stand firm and say to him, "that's enough", If i find out you are cheating again, see you later I deserve better, so if you are, call it quits right now, because your about to lose me and walk off.

Stand firm.

CW

[Guest]

+1 to what CW said.

[EmotionsRvalid]

Nuerotic Cheater Heads- Why

Some people are damaged due to things they have done and things that have been done to them that they have chosen either 1. not to deal with, or 2. to react to instead of deal with. YOU are not the reason he cheats. He doesn't do it to hurt you- he does it because he's selfish and emotionally ignorant and immature. You have an effect by what you do or don't do, but the reason is ALL his. By the same token you are not in control of him or you would "make" him be faithful. That is obviously not the case because he cheated. (cheats in my opinion because of what you say you feel) Whether he cheats on Friday or Saturday may be relevant to things you do, but not that he cheats. OK I'm a man and this is how I work. I've found MANY men are similar. Not all men- simply because personality, history, strength etc vary. When I haven't had sex in a while I enjoy it more. Same thing w. taking a shower! If you sex him up daily what does that do? If you eat the same thing day in and day out are you satisfied to continue eating that? Now I'm going to add a disclaimer that in some relationships this is awesome between two emotionally healthy people- NOT with a cheater! It just keeps thier hormones going at high RPMs and puts them into "heat." (My own personal observation) They go into some kind of ego "I'm a sexy beast sex machine kind of mode." And I don't think it's just a man/woman thing either. To the contrary neglecting them they rationalize "I don't get any at home so I'll get it elsewhere." I share this not to discourage you, but to show you that it's not you! It's how THEY think. This looks like you're going to lose either way doesn't it? That's why people divorce cheaters. Every person holds the key to thier own change/behavior not you. So what do you do? Realize that you can't change them, it's not up to you. Your power over the situation that's causing you so much pain is that you can either play the game or not. I was cheated on and my partner and a "wonderful" feminist therapist who my partner chose blamed everything on me! This empowered and enabled her to continue to cheat! She was validated and I got to the point where I felt like ! I bottomed out emotionally. I was shocked out of it by how often I thought of suicide! I took control of my thoughts by getting an emotional education. I read self actualization books, I listened to Earl Nightengale (LOVE that guy!) And in all this education, I applied what I was learning every chance I got and with every person I encountered. These things became more than just habit, they became principles I lived by. I had some social quirks that became evident to me as I read How To Win Friends and Influence People. (Another AMAZING book!) I worked on myself like I was some kind of car restoration project with a deadline of last month. I caught on fire and just kept on going. I felt great- my relationships improved, I got momentum by the joy of other relationships and other parts of my life improved too. She didn't budge at firt at all, she got all wierd and accused me of stuff she did. Sex felt dirty and gross with her emotionally so I quit it for a while. I got pent up and gave in a little to doing it w. a condom once in a blue moon. Even then it drug me down a notch emotionally, but kept me from falling into the trap of cheating on her. The result? She's easier to live with. She is making efforts to turn things around. I got better and better looking, happier, talented etc and she got stressed out- gained weight and broke out into acne at first for fear she'd lose me- and THAT motivated her to make some changes instead of being hedonistic and just trying to gratify her short term whims. In reallity I became a catch and the attention I got from other women who were better than my wife in many facets gave me the confidence I need to leave her. So I wasn't faking that I would/could leave her- it was real. Am I mean to her? Do I neglect her? No. I apply everything I've been learning to her as much as any one else. The difference is, if it's something that is disrespectful to me or feels humiliating or degrading to me I WILL NOT DO IT OR TOLLERATE IT. I had to toughen up a bit. What's interesting is her social network that validated her in making me a bad guy did so as I was frustrated, depressed, and down because of her behavior. Now that I found I can be happy regardless of her behavior by how I think and take care of myself and my own needs (within harmony of sound principles) that network quit validating her spin doctored perspective (including her enabler mother) and they saw what was what and quit validating her- and started giving her better counsel. This has also helped her progress and be more happy herself.

I share all this with you to give you some hope and perspective. These things I've learned have been life changing to me. I also have to say that when things got REALLY tough, I prayed and asked Christ to carry it for a while- he did. I love you, I'm sorry you have to go through this. There's a lot to learn from it that is AMAZING though if you're up to it. If not, you may have to cycle through it again and again till you do learn it. Best wishes! EmotionsRvalid

[EmotionsRvalid]

update

I've been thinking about you and would love to hear how you're doing....