[Briana]

My son's father (boyfriend) cheated on me while I was pregnant. We were living 2 hours apart and just 2-3 weeks ago admitted it to me when it happened almost 2 years ago. I had a good feeling he was cheating but no proof and until recently he wouldn't admit it.

Now I think he is cheating on me again. I have asked him about it and he says he isn't cheating on me. I am 95% sure that he is. My question is why does he keep cheating on me? Why doesn't he just tell me the truth and end our relationship? And I am almost certain the first girl knew about me and the one now as well. I have tried to call her phone to ask her about it since he wont tell me anything and she NEVER answers.

He knows from the last time it really hurt me even when he wouldn't admit it. And once he did he knew I was really upset. I just don't understand why he is doing it again and lying about it again. I told him all I want him to do is admit so I can figure out what I have to do. I love him a lot, but if he is cheating again and lying I don't think I can handle it anymore.

[miffed23]

I dont mean to be harsh as i know youre going through a difficult time.... Yet, i believe because you have taken him back after he cheated on you, he knows he can get away with it again...and its likely that he will continue to cheat because of this.

He isnt going to end your relationship because he is getting the best of both worlds.... someone to come home to and have a family with and someone to have a 'fling' with.... it is unlikely that he actually cares for this woman (emotionally), he has a past with you.

Is there a chance that he is cheating because he isnt getting that 'passion' at home with you anymore? Im not blaming you at all, youve done nothing wrong... just trying to help out ...

[anonymouswhitefemale]

All men lie and cheat because they are all dirty pigs

But yeah, you didn't set a good example letting him get away with it. You place too little worth on yourself. You want to know what you can do to stop him from cheating? Do you know how weak a position that sounds?

But sure, it could be that things have gotton mundane, boring, and that he is seeking thrills from elsewhere. Does he get enough sex? Do you keep it exciting?

How would he react if you had an affair?

[owlhunter]

Cheating is rarely about sex in my opinion.

And why is he doing it, as stated above, becuase he can get away with it.

If he is cheating it is becuase he is not getting at home something that he needs. However, the fault MAY NOT be with you. The something he "needs" may be driven by issues he has that he has not resolved.

Have you asked him WHY he did what he did? Try that as a start. If he says he does not know then tell him to come back when he does.

[Phoebee]

Are you seriously saying women never cheat??? I worked in a factory where this "stud" used to bring his camper (He was young, single and buff) and he had about half the middle aged married women in that thing for "Nooners."

As to what to do? If he IS cheating show him the door and hire a foaming at the mouth level lawyer. In todays, STD and AIDS filled world who needs this ?

[Briana]

I dont mean to be harsh as i know youre going through a difficult time.... Yet, i believe because you have taken him back after he cheated on you, he knows he can get away with it again...and its likely that he will continue to cheat because of this.

He isnt going to end your relationship because he is getting the best of both worlds.... someone to come home to and have a family with and someone to have a 'fling' with.... it is unlikely that he actually cares for this woman (emotionally), he has a past with you.

Is there a chance that he is cheating because he isnt getting that 'passion' at home with you anymore? Im not blaming you at all, youve done nothing wrong... just trying to help out ...

Thanks for the reply. It didn't sound harsh to me just honest. I know maybe in the past I let him get away with the cheating, but since he admitted it to me I keep trying to talk to him about it. And I am at the point where I just don't know what to do. We have sex everday so I don't think that is why he is doing it.

All men lie and cheat because they are all dirty pigs

But yeah, you didn't set a good example letting him get away with it. You place too little worth on yourself. You want to know what you can do to stop him from cheating? Do you know how weak a position that sounds?

But sure, it could be that things have gotton mundane, boring, and that he is seeking thrills from elsewhere. Does he get enough sex? Do you keep it exciting?

How would he react if you had an affair?

If he wants to be with me i don't want him to stop cheating. I want him to want to stop. If that makes any sense. He can continue to do it, but then I am going to leave. I just don't understand why he wont admit it to me right now. That's all i want so I can figure my own stuff out, save money and leave. I am a WAHM I take college classes online. I only make about 300 a month so not enough at all. I have 13 classes left. He works and pays all the bills. He helps with the kids even the one that isn't his. The car is his I don't have one. We just moved into our own apartment in June and I signed a one year lease. I would need to figure out a way to save up money and all that so I could leave. My daughter is about to start Kindergarden. And unless I have money to pay get my own apartment I really have no where to go.

Sex hasn't changed since we first started dating. We have sex at least once a day. I keep it exciting besides the fact I would do the anal which he really wants. He is always asking but since the way he has been acting I wont let him.

Cheating is rarely about sex in my opinion.

And why is he doing it, as stated above, becuase he can get away with it.

If he is cheating it is becuase he is not getting at home something that he needs. However, the fault MAY NOT be with you. The something he "needs" may be driven by issues he has that he has not resolved.

Have you asked him WHY he did what he did? Try that as a start. If he says he does not know then tell him to come back when he does.

I did ask him why and he said it was because we lived 2 hours apart when we first started dating and with the job I had then we didn't see each other often. I know it's not a good excuse, but I am glad he gave me one and didn't just say I don't know or something like that. Whether or not the was the real reason I have no clue.

Are you seriously saying women never cheat??? I worked in a factory where this "stud" used to bring his camper (He was young, single and buff) and he had about half the middle aged married women in that thing for "Nooners."

As to what to do? If he IS cheating show him the door and hire a foaming at the mouth level lawyer. In todays, STD and AIDS filled world who needs this ?

I never meant to say women do not cheat. I know these days it's pretty equal with who cheats. Currently I can't afford to just show him the door and move on with out him. He is paying the bills and I work at home only making about 300 a month. And I have no where else I could go. My only option is to save money and get my own place.

[rcoreyus]

I agree with Owlhunter
you need to find out why he is cheating. Sounds like he has a good sex life (a lot better than some of us <ng>). Sounds like he has a good relationship with the kids. But he must think he is missing something. He may be unreasonable (probably is), but it would really help if you could get him to tell you what it is he really wants.

Does he feel he can talk to you? This is a big problem in some relationships, where one partner feels they cannot be be open. Sometimes they will find someone else to open to.

This is probably not your fault at all, but maybe you can do something to fix it anyway.

[phenellab]

in my opinion he feels like hes missing out on something.......... wat idk... but most guys are like that...
try talking to him and just tell him in plain words... that ur gonna leave him... u are a good women thats why he keeps coming back.. and in his mind he doent want to leave you....
but u have to make it clear to him.. and if hes not being straight forward with you make ur decision..

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Is it possible he has an "addiction" to sex. You give him great sex, even Anal or would... Maybe he wants more and can't help himself? Horrid reason but maybe.

Or, maybe he's just a selfish male and because your such a giver, he is taking to the hilt.

Also, your very strong... or do you really feel gutted and discusted and don't want to be with him anymore and therefore, seeking and trying to find ways to leave. As you keep bringing up $300 is all you get, no car etc... Can't leave.

This also I am sure he knows, that is that you can't "afford" to go. Bet if you packed and left for a week, somewhere but made it look like it was forever he'd be beside himself...

Sometimes they don't get it until your gone. Anywhere you can go for a week?

You deserve to have respect in this relationship your obviously giving it out.

CW

[Briana]

Thanks for the reply. I think you replied to me a lot before when I posted about how he was going to treatment for alcohol and he had just admitted to cheating before. You said to wait till treatment to see how things were going.

I tried and was take your advice, but since this which started happening shortly after I posted I said a couple things. And since he doesn't go out at all without me besides work and treatment I am not 100% sure he is sleeping with her. But he talks to her on the phone all the time and has the number saved as a guys name. He doesn't talk to anyone that often. And I remember last year this guy who used to be good friends with his brother was always calling him just to sit and talk and he would always say what's his problem he acts like Im his wife calling me all the time. Since I am not 100% sure he is sleeping with her I really haven't said a whole lot about it, but briefly brought it up a couple times and when he said he wasn't cheating i just dropped it. I have tried calling the number myself to see if a guy answers just to figure this out on my own and nobody ever answers.

Leaving would be the last thing i would want to do. I love him so much and if he is cheating again it would just break my heart. I think I am getting to the point where I am trying to push myself away from him so if he is cheating it will make it a little easier. But if he is cheating again I don't think I could take it again and I would have to save up money and move on with my life.

That is a good point that he knows it wouldn't be easy for me to leave financially. And at times I think he thinks that I wouldn't leave because I do love him a lot he knows I do and he knows he is the only man I have ever loved. I guess it's not really that I can't leave. It would just take me some time to get some money to be able to afford to leave.

Leaving for a week is a great idea. I would like to wait to do that until this person he is talking to would actually answer the phone so I am 100% sure it is another girl and not a guy like he said. I have tried calling blocked number and a phone a few times and no answer ever. I even used his phone to call on Friday after he got off work and no answer.

Is it possible he has an "addiction" to sex. You give him great sex, even Anal or would... Maybe he wants more and can't help himself? Horrid reason but maybe.

Or, maybe he's just a selfish male and because your such a giver, he is taking to the hilt.

Also, your very strong... or do you really feel gutted and discusted and don't want to be with him anymore and therefore, seeking and trying to find ways to leave. As you keep bringing up $300 is all you get, no car etc... Can't leave.

This also I am sure he knows, that is that you can't "afford" to go. Bet if you packed and left for a week, somewhere but made it look like it was forever he'd be beside himself...

Sometimes they don't get it until your gone. Anywhere you can go for a week?

You deserve to have respect in this relationship your obviously giving it out.

CW