[Mrs Muse]

When it comes to cheating, I believe once a man does it he never stops. Maybe not just because he can, but because there's a thrill in it. I believe a man may love you but can still have sexual desires for other women, maybe even emotional ones. Humans never were designed (until recently in the span of human existance) to be monogamous (spelled wrong I'm sure). With that said, I don't believe in staying with him once you find out about it. If there were problems then ok, maybe. But if everything is peachy keen and there's not a cloud in your relationship and he still strayed from you then it's time for him to go, father or not!

[Mommiesbabies]

Cheating is rarely about sex in my opinion.

And why is he doing it, as stated above, becuase he can get away with it.

If he is cheating it is becuase he is not getting at home something that he needs. However, the fault MAY NOT be with you. The something he "needs" may be driven by issues he has that he has not resolved.

Have you asked him WHY he did what he did? Try that as a start. If he says he does not know then tell him to come back when he does.

your so right ..a man is only going to do what you let him...and i love the last quote!! lol

[coral-sky]

I figure this guy likes to keep his 'options' open. How does this guy 'please' you? I mean you are giving...he is taking...are you getting anything out of this? Love, emotional fullfillment, money, companionship??
Dont waste you time and energy seeking to catch him out. Go and do stuff for yourself and ignore him a bit..play hard to get..go and have your own fun...
all the best
coral-sky

[Briana]

Update

Sorry didn't think anyone else was going to reply. And I have been busy with school the kids and yes my bf. We are together still, BUT a week or so after I posted this I became 95 percent sure he was NOT cheating like I had thought.

I don't really even remember what details I had posted in the first thread...but I had thought he was cheating because he was getting a ride home and getting dropped off like a block away. And at the time I was outside smoking (we don't smoke inside cuz the kiddos). And saw a girl drive off in the car he got out of. Whether there was a passenger or not I have no clue the driver had the window down.. He said the driver was a guy he works with girl friend and she picked them both of from work...I am sure it was that night I posted on here.

He said he got dropped off down the road because they sell drugs or whatever and didn't want them knowing his exact address. (he doesn't do drugs). So when I kept trying to call and no answer I was getting more mad...the days afterwards to figure out what was going on.

Well I paid 5 bucks to do a cell phone reverse look up the name came up. It was a girl so I called a couple more times no answer..Then I read in the paper Jane Doe (name phone was listed to) and Kenny (guy my friend supposibly worked with) got busted with marijuana and selling their 4 kids were taken into foster care and both are being charged with whatever and blah blah...

So he wasn't lying. And the reason no answer on the phone was because they were in jail. I guess it's just really hard to trust him knowing he did cheat on me when I was pregnant. He doesn't understand he has to earn the trust back ..which I have heard is normal for a guy for the most part.

Since then I have read numerous articles on the internet to try and understand men better. he isn't much of one to talk all the time. 2 minute conversation about our problems and he wants to be done with it and to have no more arguing. He did complete treatment he is in aftercare now BUT he still drinks. Not close to what he used to. A beer or two a day yeah bad still but he isn't getting drunk all the time.

He never really discussed treatment with me at all, so I read his homework just to see what he was doing. He scared a lot of his feelings in it which helped me understand a lot more. he also said in his homework that talking in his group at treatment helps him to talk to me better and open up more.

I got put on meds because not having a job I guess is causing problems for me sitting at home all day. I haven't not had a job for this long since I was 16 so it's different for me. Other than the meds my doc said I need to get out more. She says I don't have depression just get irritable easily which made my bf more crabby towards me I am sure since I was always crabby.

We get along much better now. It's still hard for me to trust him, but I think day by day I am getting better. And he is starting to understand that it takes time for me to trust him. We still have little arguments here and there and I will briefly say how I feel and the problem with it and what needs to change. He doesn't respond much at all, but I can tell he listens because his behavior changes and it seems he is trying to be more aware of my feelings than he ever has before. I used to constantly call him to see if he would answer and see what he was doing...I don't anymore I wait for him to call me or if I have a question I usually just text him, but he is not into texting so he calls me. I know this isn't much but i prove to myself that I am starting to trust more because of my own behaviors.

Not only that, but I figure if he is going to cheat again I sort of need to give him time to so I can end it right away if he does it again. Does that make sense? I may not find out immediately, but the truth will come out some time and then I am done.

We get the neighbor girl to babysit every Saturday so we can go out and have alone time without the kids. That has helped a lot as well. He also switched for 2nd shift to first shift which makes things around the house more normal.

So my question now is do I just keep doing what we doing to gain his trust back. Any advice or tips on what helps to gain the trust back. It just makes it a bit harder since I feel he has to earn it and in a way he thinks admitting and talking to me about it and a week later all should be good..I know it's not going to happen quickly but I would love any input from you ladies and men!

Dang that's long .. Sorry!

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I guess Briana I will say at what point can you let go of 2 years ago?

You were 95% sure he did.

You are now 95% sure his didn't ( fantastic finally some good news), I am pleased.

He doesn't go anywhere without you or to councelling for alcohol previous abuse.

I think that you need to just try somehow and relax and be happy with this man, he seems to certainly be making a lot of effort to talk to you and tell you the truth and to work things out that he knows that he needs to.

CW