Hair between my butt cheeks

[sateen]

WHI Editor's Note: For the latest discussion on butt hair, why we have it, and how to remove it, join us here!

Recently my husband brought to my attention that I have hair between my butt cheeks and that its very very unattractive and one of the reasons he does not get turned on enough to want to have sex with me. (thats a whole other issue, we have been married 2 years now). He told me that if I shaved in between my butt cheeks that it would help him with his lack of sexual desire for me which has been an ongoing issue in our lives for the last year and a half. Problem is that he can only get off if we are having sex doggie style basically, which means I either shave it or I keep it the way it is and just not have sex anymore with my husband. Its a very big deal for him apparently even though it was never brought to my attention until now.

I tried shaving in between my butt and it now hurts and is prickly and red and stings from the cuts since Im not that great apparently at shaving in between my butt cheeks. So now, not only am I humiliated that my husband finds that part of me unattractive, but Im in pain from shaving my butt to try to please him. So I either accept me the way I am, which I have had no problem doing, or I find a painful way to remove the hair regularly. What can I do to fix this problem? My self esteem has been destroyed and I feel humiliated now. Do I just deal with the pain of shaving/waxing so that my husband is happy, or do I accept me for me and just live with it? Im at a loss here and just do not know what else to do. Please help, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[MissMeSha810]

?????

Hey sweets. I'll start by saying that I think waxing would probably be the best option, I haven't tried it because if I can't see it or reach it, I leave it the way it is. Vaginal hair is one thing ( and I still sometimes have a problem with that lol), but if I were you, I would leave my butt hairs alone. Once hair starts to return, it can be painful, itch and cause ingrown hairs if not removed continuously. Be proud of your butt hairs because I'm proud of mine lol
As far as your husband is concerned, he has a communication issue if he's waited this long to confront you on the matter. Let him know how you feel about this situation, how you tried and are now in an extremely uncomfortable predicament because tried to fix something on your person that HE had a problem with and that you were happy the way you were. It's up to you to decide what to do if he choose to accept or to not accept whatever decision you choose. Good luck sister.

[Hopeless Dork]

Most people have some hair there.... varying from really light fuzz to a full on bush depending on genetics. Its there for a purpose... I am certain , but isn't really necessary.

I hardly have any body hair at all... which was embarassing when I was younger because I associated having lots of pubes and such with becoming a full on woman but my display has always been faint to say the least. I just shave it all off because its way too sparse to have a neatly trimmed little racing strip anyways .

But I still get a few light hairs in the crack arena, which I handle with shaving. Depending on how limber you are there are a few ways to do this more safely.

Starting with... the razor you choose. You do not want to use the same large razor you use for your legs. They sell little mini razors (nozema is one brand) for more intimate spots.

Make sure that you lather up with a gentle soap. You can raise a leg in the shower or on the bathroom sink , which ever is more comfortable and hold yourself open with one hand and use the other to shave one side, then switch. If standing with a leg up is not comfortable you can also sit on your toilet seat for easy access.

Be sure to go slowly and gently and to make sure the razor has room to do its job carefully.

Rinse well, dry well.

You can also get professionally waxed... which stings for a moment but lasts 6-8 weeks of worry free time.

I am so sorry your husband handled his dislike for hair there in such a humiliating way. He could have approached the subject in a way that would have left you still feeling beautiful as you are.

You can ignore his preference, its surely your right. But if a few minutes at the sink every few days can better your sex life... why not try?

It would be different if he said, I don't like your nose... your face turns me off, you need to lose weight... or any other number of things that doesn't have a quick fix. Shaving is really a reletively small request.

If you didn't like performing oral on him because his pubes were long and poking you in the eyes and you told him that...I'm pretty sure getting oral sex from you would be important enough to him to get all the ball and trim trim trim.

You shouldn't let this make you feel badly about yourself, what he wants from you is not something that you can't provide. As hurtful as it is, it would be a lot more hurtful if he was like sorry you're just too short, I am only turned on by taller women. Then you would be pretty much in the cold... with a jerky husband no less.

He's probably just seen so much porn in his lifetime that he associates sex with a completely bare perineum. Its lame, believe me I am not siding with him. But since he's got this mental block when it comes to hair there, and since its something you can handle reletively easily with the right tools and patience I think this one might be one you can compromise on.

As long as he is also compromising with your desires for what you want from him.

If he wants a bare area there, why doesn't he just come out the pockets for you to get waxed. You can tell him you'd be game for a brazillian wax as long as he pays for it.. and heck tosses in a pedicure to pamper you afterwards.

I know you are hurt. I would be devistated as well. The way he handled telling you his preference is tacky, and hurtful.

He could have just said... you know what would be really sexy baby? If you were all bare back there, I imagine you like that and it drives me wild. It would have gotten you to realize what he wants without feeling like carp in the process.

Does he handle everything else he tells you with such a lack of sensitivity for your feelings?

[p3375]

Yeah, agree waxing is worth a try. Also, for the lil pimples and bumps that come from shaving or waxing, try using tea tree oil on the area. Helps me with razer bumps an such.

That said, sounds like the two of you have bigger issues than the bottom hair (which we allmost all have). I expect that if you had all your hair permanently removed your guy would find something else to blame his lack of ,, desire or whatever,,, on.

[Hopeless Dork]

I expect that if you had all your hair permanently removed your guy would find something else to blame his lack of ,, desire or whatever,,, on.

With the way he handled telling her about the hair in the first place... I don't doubt this one bit.

It could be an excuse for him to just be lazy when it comes to not being sexual. He doesn't want to look inward for why there is a problem so he's blaming you... A very valid point P3375. I wouldn't be surprised if he found more excuses as well.

[starjoy08]

I am very hairy and I shave everything but I have done it for so long that it is not painful anymore. With the hubby issue, I would tell him to deal with it!!! He should find you attractive not just your butt. Maybe you should talk to him about his hair!! I make my hubby shave himself!!!!! Good luck

[errndog]

Alakazam

Try some "Magic"
You can find it at most pharmacies or Walmart. Takes some practice to get the timing down, but it works great!
Use the one that comes in a tube. Any questions, please just ask.

[Tahoe]

I have a body groomer and it removes that hair with no problem. No pain at all. They aren't very expensive. If it will help you love live I'd try it. It feels great too. I tend to agree that there is more to it than that though.

[Lexi_Heart]

I am so sorry you are going through this! As important as it is to listen to your spouse's needs and try to accommodate to them, it's also just as important that you don't get steamrolled trying to meet their needs. I'm disappointed that your husband is handling this in such an insensitive way, and I hope my advice helps.

As you have already discovered, the pain of razor burns and regrowth isn't worth it when all you get is a day or two of being hairless (I don't know about you, but for me, hair grows back within a day "down there"!). The point of even having hair there in the first place, as gross as it is, is to provide some friction when you walk and to trap sweat in order to keep out yucky odors, so getting rid of it would cause some problems (as you may have found out already). Something you can try instead of removing the hair is shampooing and conditioning it just like you would the hair on your head. No joke! But make sure you use one that's specifically moisturizing. The moisturizing formula will define and tighten the curls , and the conditioner will soften them. As weird as it sounds, I do this on my "bikini" hair and between the cheeks all the time and it helps so much. Even if you do decide to shave (like I and most women do around their bikini line) it will help make the regrowth process a little less painful. But my point is, by tidying up those curls, it helps the hair look a little neater and feel that much better.

You have probably already talked to your husband about this, but he needs to know that you're experiencing pain in order to take care of what should be a minor concern. My husband is exceptionally hairy on his chest and back, and though it was a little off putting when we first started dating, it grew to be kind of a turn on for me. This might never happen for your husband, but he needs to love you regardless of your hair because I'm pretty sure (or at least I hope) he didn't go into this marriage blindly hoping you'd be as bald as a baby down there - he isn't! Although you should be meeting each other's needs, when it becomes selfish and harmful to the one you love, that alone should be enough to back off and deal with "the hand they're given."

Again, I'm sorry you have to deal with this and I hope this gives you some food for thought if nothing else. Good luck, and stay strong.

-Lexi

[Guest]

Sateen.

I hate to bring this to your attention, but when men become extremely picky about insignificant parts of your body it usually is symptomatic of an a problem that has yet to be diagnosed. Were I you I would conduct a thorough analysis of the totality of your marriage. Hair is not the problem. It's something else. Sometimes women flatly refuse to acknowledge the obvious.

Let's assume that he is not stupid, that he knows women grow hair in that area. Suddenly it begins to bother him. Is it hair that bothers him, or is another issue bothering him that voices itself through hair?

Somehow I don't believe it's hair that's bothering him. I think he's using hair as an excuse for something else that's bothering him. Because when a man is in love with a woman he will not care about it. The last girl with whom I was in love, I could care less if she shaved the hair that grew in that area. In fact, in a conversation we had (there was more than one), I told her that what she did was up to her, that I did not want her to endure any pain because of me.


Good Luck,


Taos