PMDD is ruining my life. I'm so tired of being ashamed of myself.

[hudsonagain]

I have suffered from PMDD for over 20 years and this is the very first time I am talking about it. All of my adult life I have known that something was seriously wrong with me emotionally. I have single handedly destroyed every relationship I have ever had and my current relationship is teetering on the edge. Most of the month I am "normal". Then for 3 days I loose my mind. It's like a switch goes off/on. One minute I'll be fine and then BAM! It will end as abruptly as it begins. Let me begin by listing my symptoms:
1. Hysteria - crying for hours
2. Hallucinations
3. Inability to rationalize
4. Violent/Angry Outbursts
5. Suicidal thoughts
6. Debilitating migranes (I feel like my head is being crushed)
7. Heart palpitations
8. Dizzy/blurred vision/disrupted speech
9. Self loathing
10. Hatred for everyone around me

Just writing these things is making me want to vomit because I feel so ashamed. I can't live like this anymore. I've tried taking antidepressants (Lexapro and Celexa but of course, not being honest as to why I needed them) and it didn't help - my PMDD broke through every time. I can't take birth control pills because I have issues with blood clots.

I had an ablation in December 07 and my PMDD seemed get better for several months following but then it returned with a vengence.
I've had my hormones and thyroid checked. There is a history of thyroid disease in my family but I always check out ok.

I read on this board that having a hysterectomy might work for PMDD sufferers. Is there anyone out there who has been cured of PMDD? I'm so tired of living like this.