[abourdin]

Hello all.
I am nineteen years old and have a fiance of nearly two years. When Billy and I first got together we would go at it 3 times a day, every day of the week (minimum!) Suddenly, ( and very recently) my libido has dropped off the face of the earth and I've suddenly turned extremely emotional and will weep at the drop of a hat. Billy says it's okay and i'm just stressed but since this has begun i;ve actually willingly QUIT my job and it doesnt make sense.
I'm very worried and I dont know who to speak to about this. Does anyone have any suggestions so that I can figure this out? In addition, my weight has been shifting and I know for a fact I'm not pregnant....
I'm so worried..

[Huntersmom91107]

I dont really know what to say.... but wait to get married. I know you have heard that... But really and honestly... I got married at 19. and now, I wish I hadnt. It's not that I dont love my husband. It's not that I dont care. But marriage... It really took a HUGE toll on our relationship. I'm 21 years old now and in more trouble emotionally than I've ever been.
I feel that had I waited and became more in-love with myself I would be happier now.
- We married and had a planned baby about a year after that. -
It wasnt until recently that I had second thoughts... If we hadnt gotten married, I feel strongly that I would still be with him and we'd still have a great if not better bond.
I look now and see that we could have waited and still been happy.

RIGHT NOW:
I am sitting in my car with my husband, son, and 2 dogs on the way to our country home. Happy, yes
Excited... Not really.
I look at him right now. and I see his handsome face and his chubby cute cheeks and I know that I love him but I cannot help but wonder if things could get better...

Sex...
Like you, I dropped my sexual urges. I dont want to have sex. I dont find it fun or exciting. I feel that now that we are married and now it's ok. It's like well, we are supposed to be having sex so yea...
It's almost like a chore... Who WANTS to do laundry, dishes, or scrub toilets?

My advice... Wait... And BREATHE...

GET TO KNOW YOURSELF.

Youre 19! You are going to be a totally different woman when you are 21. I PROMISE!!!
I have done a complete 180.

I look back on who I used to be... I am nothing like I was. PLEASE for yourself... Get to know you...

If you have to... Take a break from him... Take enough time to when you come back make it like new again. If he moves on, then you know that it was not meant to be.

Go on vacation with yourself. See the ocean from a mountian top and yell out "I LOVE MYSELF"
If you are unable to do that then I promise you, you arent able to really LOVE anyone else yet..
Trust me... I'm stuck in this boat.
I care about my husband and I do love him, but I know that if I had taken the time to figure out who I AM then I'd be able to be a better wife and mother. We'd be so much happier.
Just a thought...

[abourdin]

I appreciate your concern. But we're engaged... not married... not yet anyways. I will be 21 by the time we get married We will have been together for three years by then..

As for the sex... for me sex isn't a chore. Quite the opposite. I'm dying to have sex with him but my libido just won't pull me to the finish line. Once we get started i'll "finish" or something but I just can't initiate it and sometimes I'm just not up to it.

[abourdin]

also we definitely want children but we're not ready because we're not settled financially. Billy is my best friend and we live together (have been for a year and a half)

[Tarzan31]

I don't know if its financially possible but you might want to talk to someone about being depressed. I was diagnosed in my teens as manic depressive and even though you may not realize it you might be depressed. One of the first signs of depression is a significant drop in libido and the fact that you quit your job and aren't really sure what to think about that; that is also a sign of depression. I am not saying that you are depressed but if there is the smallest chance that you are, you need to look into it. It will make your life alone and your life with him much better, trust me. I know from experience.

[abourdin]

I don't know if its financially possible but you might want to talk to someone about being depressed. I was diagnosed in my teens as manic depressive and even though you may not realize it you might be depressed. One of the first signs of depression is a significant drop in libido and the fact that you quit your job and aren't really sure what to think about that; that is also a sign of depression. I am not saying that you are depressed but if there is the smallest chance that you are, you need to look into it. It will make your life alone and your life with him much better, trust me. I know from experience.

Tarzan, I have been diagnosed with depression before, years ago, and I just don't feel the same way i did when i was depressed. Maybe I'm trying to fool myself? I willingly quit my job because of how stressful it truly was and how unhappy i was. And even then once my work week would be finished, i would let me body recover for a day and we would make love that weekend. I'm just worried at how quickly and randomly it dropped, especially at such a young age. Should I see a gynecologist? or a neurologist or both or neither? Billy has been so good through all of this and says that it'll pass and that i'm just stressed and should eat right and exercise and maybe that's a factor that might help. I truly appreciate your help, and hopefully you'll respond to this message

[abourdin]

oh my goodness... i just realized that i DO go through my weeks of high and low.... i thought it was because of my birth control ( even though i've been on it twice as long as
I have been experiencing the unfortunate loss of libido...)
jeez -.-

[Tarzan31]

Changing your diet and getting some exercise will help whether its depression or not, but all the things you are describing to me sound a lot like depression. Some women have a loss of libido and some women get hyper sexual during bouts of depression. I would find someone to talk to, whether its your GYN or your family doctor. Be honest with them and tell them everything. They can't help you if they don't know exactly whats going on.

[abourdin]

Changing your diet and getting some exercise will help whether its depression or not, but all the things you are describing to me sound a lot like depression. Some women have a loss of libido and some women get hyper sexual during bouts of depression. I would find someone to talk to, whether its your GYN or your family doctor. Be honest with them and tell them everything. They can't help you if they don't know exactly whats going on.

But i really dont think i have depression though, thats what im worried about. I am confused, the two people i have confided in truly dont think i'm depressed. I have very minor shifts in mood, nothing severe or extreme.. i am going to make an appoinment with my doctor... should i wait until my yearly exam?
ugh how stressful

[Tarzan31]

Don't wait if its bothering you this much. You may not be depressed; I am not a doctor and couldn't tell you if you were depressed, but everything you are descriping to me sounds like depression. It could be something like a mental block that is keeping you from wanting sex, stress will do that. Talk to your doctor ASAP because if its bothering you this much, its not worth dealing with longer than the next available appointment.