[computerinfo]

My wife caught me masturbating and can't handle it.

She is so freaked out right now and just does not understand. She obviously does not realize that 98% of men (married and unmarried) do it and having nothing nothing to do with their true love of their spouse.

Sure, our sex life is not going well. We probably have sex 5 times a year. Our marriage has problems. I love my wife to death, but she is not on my team when it comes to trying to keep our marriage strong. She has a lot on anger that she can not get past.

She also suffers from PMS which she will deny but if affects us greatly. This was definitely not the right week for this to happen. I would love to catch her in the act. I would not show her sham and would love to help her finish. I understand the separation between reality and fiction.

What do I do to let her understand that I am a normal adult male and that masturbating is not me cheating on her. She need to know that I am not unique. Every man she comes into contact with does it. This includes bosses, friends, family members, waiters, store clerks, .... everyone.

I don't think she does, but that is okay for her. I assume that people reading this would agree that masturbation is normal.

What do I do. She is just so angry.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Seems you are a tad angry too.

So, let people answer you that it is normal and then show her your thread here?

Why do you have sex 5 times a year? PMS is 12 weeks of a year.... So obviously you are living in a sexless marriage.

Have you been married for long?

Perhaps there are other issues here and she is just reacting to that one or anyone really..

CW

[Gippy11]

I don't know if my wife knows that I masturbate (or maybe not to the full extent). But why don't you just tell her how much you love her, but you have needs. You would never cheat on her and this is a way for you to get some gratification without leaving the house. If she doesn't like it, tell her that she could have a huge role in stopping it.

[Joy]

I would suggest you guys get into couselling to deal with the anger. If couselling is out get your wife to write you a email or letter explaining her anger and lil by lil you guys chip away at it and work thru it.

Self gratification is fine you are normal Especially if u are only having sex 5 times a year. This is not cheating they are your hands!!

[happy ending]

if you are only having sex 5 times a year, i'm astounded if she isnt masturbating too. you guys really need to talk about whats going on, when my marriage broke up the first thing that went was the sex. it can represent so much as regards intimacy and pleasure. i hope you work it out.

[rcoreyus]

Surveys show that 99% of men masturbate... and 1% lie about it. OK, old joke but almost all men (and an awful lot of women) do.

If masturbation is keeping you from having sex with here, that is a problem. But if she is the one limiting you to 5x per year, then it makes prefect sense that you masturbate. What would she prefer you do for sexual relief?

It sounds like the relationship has much deeper problems and this is just a symptom. Do you have any idea of what these are?

[silvertae]

There are other threads on the forum that deal with this topic in detail. Take a browse around and see if there are some insights you can share with her. She needs to understand that masturbation is not wrong, that it's normal, that it's a healthy release, etc etc etc.

[computerinfo]

Well it seems that she is more upset about the use of internet porn to stimulate the masturbation.

I can understand this a little, but let's get real, it is not likely that I or any other man would just close their eyes and think about their own spouse during masturbation.

Self masturbation is a way to fantasy and be involved in a situation that you will probably never actually get to experience. Maybe it's seeing girl on girl, or people in a group, or just a beautiful girl stripping.

Does this really change my initial concern. She is still so mad at me. She will barely speak to me or look at me. I showed he articles and respectful data from "Ask Men" and "Discovery Health" to show her some real data.

It is amazing to know that everyone we every come in contact has this secret life a couple times a week. It is ashame that this topic is so taboo. It's like farting. We all do it, but if someone hears you in public its disgusting.

I can understand that she may be jealous of the woman in porn and that she is totally offended by it. These woman are beautiful and maybe she can't deal with me looking at that. My wife is beautiful and even more beautiful to me, but is she as pretty as the porn-stars I see on the internet? No, but very few woman actually are.

I just wish she could have opened the door on me, seen what I had been doing, and offered to lend a hand. Turn the situation around and I would have jumped right in without all the drama.

Please advise as this is a real situation for me. It should not be, but their is so real drama going on here and it may never heal itself. Show me articles I can show her, offer me insight, anything, I'm dying here on my own.

[Fallen1]

I can understand that she may be jealous of the woman in porn and that she is totally offended by it. These woman are beautiful and maybe she can't deal with me looking at that. My wife is beautiful and even more beautiful to me, but is she as pretty as the porn-stars I see on the internet? No, but very few woman actually are.

Wow .... no comment here.

[Guest]

I'm going to give say what everyone else pretty much said when I 1st came on here about a sex question.

It's a simple statement and harder to do,
Brother, by everything I've read your marriage will have to be fixed before you can address the serious issues of sex. Seriously, you both have some real needs, we all have don't take that wrong.

When I 1st came here I was looking at the dime instead of the dollar. In my case things have busted up but what happened when I begin to address the real issue and search with-in then things begin to service. Her and I was able to deal with things. At this point they seem irreconcilable. But at least we both know where stand!

I know other people here have given some good advise, their good people.

You made the statement and Fallen1 quoted it right before me and it kind of stirred me.

That is, I realize technically these women on Porn many times are Very Foxy.
But when the wife and I were doing good I had a Central or Single eye for her, She was my woman above all else. She was the most of all women. When you get to that place and treat her like that she will most likely respond, you see what I'm saying. She has to be your Queen and you have to be King. Good Luck