[Guest]

Wild,

I think in this case you have more going on here than you may realize. Yea, of course you are feeling something, possible jealousy. If you look at what you wrote, she is being emotionally/sexually abusive to you.

She told you of two occassions in which she was going to act out sexually because you made her mad. Not a responsible, mature way to act in a relationship.

Jealousy stems from insecurity, and what she did was put you in a place of insecurity, by attempting to put the blame on you. She's the only one responsible for her sexuality, and to try to lay it at your feet was an emotional game.

Hi Rebecca.

Thanks for your response. I think you missed the part where I talked about the nature of our relationship. I've articulated to her that this is a "friends with benefits" situation. I told her about a girl I had sex with whils i was seeing her - which made her very upset. I told her about one-night-stands i regularly have meeting girls in bars. I told her that I'm at that point in my life where I'm enjoying my sexuality and I don't have time to focus on relationships. So mine and her relationship is friendship coupled with our sexual desire for each other - which we feely express.

All the above happened in that context. So if she was getting back at me for my behaviour, then fair enough. I still got jealous. *shrug*

[Teamstef]

Thanks Rebecca and Chandlers wish

Thank you Rebecca! Indeed, we do have a great relationship. And reading others comments and thinking about it even more, I think I'm more uncomfortable with the fact that I'm not uncomfortable with it than with the possible act itself. I guess it's my education and society's rules of what's normal and OK.

And Chandlers wish, you do have intelligent suggestions regarding the fact that if it does happen, it should be with some stranger and on neutral grounds. But the reality is that, if my wife was to go to another woman, I don't think it would be a planned out thing. I think it would be in a natural situation and just kind of happen naturally. And that would be in a context where, chances are, she would be with a friend. If I'm there, and I get to watch or participate, great and if not, then so be it. Of course, my wife and that friend or any other would have to know what could happen to their friendship and be willing to play that game but that's out of my hands. Regarding that one particular friend, they already kissed and they don't feel uncomfortable so...

Utlimately, I really don't think my wife will chase an occasion for this to happen but if it does, she wanted to make sure it would not hurt our relationship and as I said earlier, it's funny but I'm not really uncomfortable with it. So I guess time will tell!

And it's funny because we watched Vicky Christina Barcelona last night. If you have not seen it, you should. Of course, Scarlett is absolutely stunning but the situation is kind of interesting with regards to my thread...

[CHANDLERS WISH]

lol.

Well, I am seeing this as quite actually, a turn-on for you, well that's the way I read the last post.

Kind of exciting and now a case of sitting back and waiting.

Man, what if she does it and tell you later? What a let down, haha, only joking......

I guess that you have a free spirited thinker of a wife and you as a person are as well.

If she "kissed a girl", and it was all fine, and she was a friend, you can bet that your wife does think of this, as does this other woman, it's not something that will go away, rather remain in her mind. If, it didn't should wouldn't have bought it up.

At least you both can communicate and discuss and be open, that's an excellent thing in a relationship.

I guess you also now have your total answer on how you feel about the whole situation...

It does to me sound more like curiousity killed the cat....on your wife's behalf.....

Somehow the white witch in me says, you will both be fine after if it does occur.

CW

[mewhenim]

I had thought about having 3somes, then when we actually sat down and tried to figure out who the other people would be I realized I just liked the thought more than actually doing it. I think if she wants to do it, you need to be involved. Flat out sleeping with someone isn't cool unless it goes both ways.

[skipper]

Interesting posts. My wife of 12 yrs is wanting to have sex w/ another woman too. I wasn't too excited about the idea of her somewhere having sex w/ another woman, but then my wife said, hey, I'll share her w/ you. Her idea suddenly began to bloom in my head.

Well, 2 years have passed and we have been unable to find the 3rd woman. She is either attached to a male and it's all or none, or she is gay and isn't interested in a 3 way. Now my wife has come back to me and asked if she could do it alone.

At first, I said no, but then I realized that if the opportunity arises and she doesn't out of respect for my wishes, she will later resent me for confining her. Or she might just go ahead and keep it a secret from me. I don't like either of those outcomes. So I told her to go ahead with my blessing and try to find someone with the condition that I wanted to hear all the erotic details of her torrid illicit affair!

Realizing that fair is fair, she has given me a kitchen pass to have a casual encounter with another woman (I'm not interested in a man). Well, in 12 years, no 'opportunities' have presented themselves and I'm very happy w/ my wife so I doubt I will/would ever use my free pass.

I'm very confident in our relationship and I don't think having sex w/ others will hurt what we have as long as we are honest with each other. YMMV.

[ThexMrs]

CW has made some very, very good points.

I think that this is something you really need to talk out all the way through with your wife and only then, after all questions are answered and you are confident should you make the decision.

Early on in my relationship as my boyfriend and I were getting to know each other he said that he "wouldn't mind" seeing me with another woman. (I am very sexually open about my past and he knew that I have done some things with women before) I told him that I would never have a threesome in a relationship, not even if he were just to watch. I feel that it would only make him more curious and want more which isn't something I am comfortable with. Fortunately, he understood.

Here is the thing... He doesn't mind that I kiss other women even though we are in a relationship but if it ever came to sex with a woman, he wouldn't like it. I haven't done it a lot (kissed other women) because I don't want to make a practice of it. I'm very happy in my relationship and sex is just for him and I. I wouldn't want it to progress into anything more.

As for what you said about her having sex with a woman and you having sex with a woman being the same... Let me tell you, it's NOT! You don't seem to mind that she wants to have this. It turns you on. She doesn't/wouldn't (I assume) get turned on by you having sex with another woman. It's not fair for you to compare it that way. Either way (her having sex or you with another woman) is both cheating in a sense. (When I say in a sense I just mean HER)

As I stated in the beginning... Talk it through entirely. If you are the slightest bit uncomfortable then don't do this.

[ThexMrs]

Realizing that fair is fair, she has given me a kitchen pass to have a casual encounter with another woman (I'm not interested in a man).

Sounds like a trap... Lol.

[Hopeless Dork]

lol xmrs, I agree. Sexual Ponzai scheme!

[skipper]

You all offer much food for thought. Thanks for sharing. I'm not sure I'm going to use my ponzi scheme kitchen pass (it looked so innocent). I'm happy w/ my wife although the idea of a SO approved fling w/ no strings attached is fun to think about. We are getting to the age where we need to act out our fantasies or it's going to be too late!

[Teamstef]

Did it!

Well, thanks again for your comments...

My wife and I did decide to go through with it and suprisingly enough, she found a girl on the web in a matter of a week with whom she has a lot in common. And after a lunch and a dinner, she came to our house and the threesome happened and it was great for both my wife and I. And we did 2 more times since with that same girl. Everything was clearly discussed before anyhting happened so there were no bad suprises. That other women had previous experiences when she was in a relationship. It was our first and I have to say, the fantasy was not better than the reality. So no complaints here. And whenever it ends, that will be it and it will be something else that my wife and I lived.