[jbummed]

My poor husband?
I don't have any problems having orgasm once I finally decide to have sex.
BUt I'm just not interested in sex, my hubby is great in bed thats not the problem - I just don't care if I ever have sex. It has become a big problem btw me and my husband. He gets frustrated and says things like are we shooting for 3 months or he has a few drinks and gets nasty with me over it to the point that we fight about it. What is scarey is I've come to the point where I think maybe he should find someone else. We have 2 wonderful sons, and I love my husband dearly but I've tried to talk to him and explain to him how I feel about it and how maybe we can work on it but he just gets crappy with me, or takes things I say out of context.

1st of all I know that we haven't even held hands in probably 15+ years, he never touches me in anyway unless it is immediatly leading up to sex. I've said things like this to him and I've tried to make a point of kissing him bye or just outtta the blue, to try and bring some non sexual romance back. He may give me a kiss or something within a day of the conversation but thats it.

He has a drinking problem, I don't drink any alcohol, and hate Beer breath. And of course when he's done drinking and staring at the tv with his friends, Is when he starts expecting or being frustrated over not getting any.
When he's not drinking - he has nothing much to say and Is pretty much a grump, in bed by 8.
When he does try to be romantic - he'll say something like:
Think we'll ever make love again (or tonight)?
Wanna back rub?

I feel sex is an expected chore. I've told him that and he flipped - mad like I'm putting him down.
At times usually when he's drank to much - he doesn't get satistfied, I usually always do, And I feel it was a big waste of time because he's still not satisfied but I'm done, tired, and don't want touched anymore esp. sexually. The only hugs or holding I get, might be after sex when he's not ready to be done, but I am.

After dealing with the same **** for years, I've grown to resent sex completely! I can like it when in the moment but I sure don't crave it.
If he has made a few comments about sex and I haven't made any moves then he cops an attitude, which just makes me want it all the less.
My feelings are: go pout, I've got way to much in life to worry about sex. Sex is not a priority to me, But as my husband, he is a priority.
I would love to have my husband touch me (hand, shoulder, back, anywhere) and it have nothing to do with sex or not be because he wants sex.
Another big complications is our kids, small house, and hubby goes to bed before them - I don't feel I should have to wake him up to please him. I'm tired too.

I don't now how to handle it anymore. Maybe he should just divorce me and find a woman who has nothing else on her mind but beer, sex and ball games.
I don't want to break up my family but living with the sexual stress is becoming more than I can take.
Or should I just do my chores and deal with it? (Sweep my feelings under the rug and pretend I don't have them.)

He's been in his pouting, rarely talking to me stage for over a week now, and it has just made me upset and mad. I can't decide who is the selfish one.
I always give in eventually, I want to keep my husband, but I'm getting more and more resentful.
I could careless if I ever have sex again!! I had sex to make my babies, now their here, I don't have time to pretend I'm making more.
I guess this sounds like a rant from some prude, And guess thats what it has turned into. I've been wanting to put my feelings about this in words for a long time. I've thought about writing him a letter about this subject many times, but he probably wouldn't have taken the time to read it. I feel his only concern is getting his rocks off. And a note would just tick him off like the times I've attempted to try and talk about it
Guess I'm just a bwitch!??

[jbummed]

I forgot to add that he looks at online porn often and I know this but never say anything to him about it because of my lack of libido. But I don't know if it makes him worse or just makes me look bad.?

[jbummed]

Delete thread ??

OK now that I've gotten this topic off my mind awhile then come back to read this, and I feel that I'm just airing my dirty laundry and would like to delete the post especially since 1 is a duplicate anyway.
I usually just read sites like this not post but for some reason I got carried away today,lol.
Is the delete option not available ?

[rcoreyus]

You may have wound up in a self-reinforcing situation. He gets so little sex and is so desperate that it is all he can think about. He can't touch you without wanting sex.

Since he never touches you without wanting sex, you feel used, and don't want any intimacy.

I don't know what to suggest. Maybe - if you are willing - have sex with him every day for a week - and see if he will then be more affectionate outside of sex when his isn't so starved for it.

[WildChild]

Rcoreyus may have something here. You have to break the cycle somehow. He wants You and that is a compliment. He doesn't know what to do about all this so you have to teach him. But if you do get some pleasure out of it when you do it, why not give it a try? It won't hurt you, it might help.

[jbummed]

Thanks for the input - It has helped me look at it alittle differently.
But everyday??, a busy house full of kids - don't see it happening.
As far as him touching me, there is no touching, kissing, shaking hands, abosolutely nothing unless we're having sex. I even stopped in his way one day, and he stood back like I had cooties, rather than place his hand on back or something like I would've done. I do feel used!!
I am sorry I'm not more sexual! We repeat the same cycle he complians, ,and/or pouts. Eventually Have sex, and things are ok for awhile then it the same ol' cycle. A cycle I'd like to stop!

off topic:
Can these forums be edited or deleted?

[WildChild]

As far as him touching me, there is no touching, kissing, shaking hands, abosolutely nothing unless we're having sex. I even stopped in his way one day, and he stood back like I had cooties, rather than place his hand on back or something like I would've done.

Oh Dear, this sounds like a good part of my life! You have my profound sympathy. I know what this is like. Unfortunately I don't have much to offer on this, you know him and what there was between you before. My case is different in that we don't share a home and he pulled back, while I didn't. Was it always like this? Could it be he just doesn't want to be aroused and have you unwilling? Have you talked about your needing nonsexual affection? Maybe if you can deal with this part you'll find your libido increasing? But I doubt it will without any affection or touching. People can be so complicated!

[windfollower]

My wife just turned 40 and is going through a big change. She has no interest in sex. Think how you would feel if someone you loved said they would rather have a "root canal". I have read up on this to understand her position but .......HAVE YOU?? my wife hasn't. It could be a simply thing to change your sex drive but I know my wife refusses because she doesn't want to find out "somethings wrong". She would rather have me walk out the door.

[WildChild]

Hmmm, the older I get, the hornier I get and started off pretty horny! My main perimenopause symptom has been horniness. I have an idea that diet and exersize play a role but attitude is huge!

[Little]

On editing or deleting: Neither are an option, except in special cases. Contact me or a moderator for details