[kms]

So I did an old thread search and saw that there are some threads discussing anal sex but most of them are really old so I thought I'd throw this out here again.

Basically, my bf, being very into butts, is also very into anal sex. He really wants me to do it with him since it's a big turn-on and I would then also be "full option" as he put it. We did do it more than a year ago when I was drunk and had no recollection of it - except I woke up with a very sore butt that lasted for like a week (doing sit-ups was not pleasant during that time, lol). I'd rather do it now fully conscious so that I can be an active participant - so we tried it the other night. We got all lubed up and he slowly started putting it in. The problem occurred when it just suddenly slipped in really fast - oh my goodness the feeling was horrific!! It really felt like (sorry to be graphic) diarrhea in reverse, so much so that I felt like puking. It was such a weird, horrible feeling. We also have warming lube so it started burning in there too - and then I felt like I had to go to the bathroom, except I didn't think I did... anyway, he made me stay with it, telling me to relax, and slowly it started getting better and it was ok - without him moving that is. Then he started moving it a little bit and the reverse diarrhea feeling was back in full force, ugh. We tried this a couple of times but mostly the experience consisted of just getting it in and letting me adjust to it, not much movement. Nevertheless, I'm sure my neighbors weren't too happy about my screaming from the pain and shock, lol (even though I tried not to!).

He was soo happy afterward and was so excited that we had done it and was telling me how much he appreciated me and loved me and whatever - so he was flying high while I was feeling actually really depressed. I've read up on anal somewhat and it seems that a lot of women really like it. I just wonder if I would ever get to that point, and HOW, because I think it would be difficult to get over the mental block of KNOWING that it will be painful. So I was feeling bad because I wasn't sure if I could get to the point of being able to do it freely without audibly and visibly showing the pain. And, honestly I don't know how I can learn to associate the feeling of diarrhea and sexual pleasure together... yet still I don't want to refuse to do anal sex simply because my first real experience was painful - there are a lot of things that are hard and painful when we first try them (like regular sex lol), but it gets better each time. So, I'm willing to try, especially since it's sooo important to him.

Anyway, I'm wondering if any of you have had an initial painful experience with anal sex but it's gotten better - and if so, how did you help it get better? Are there any tips, techniques that I should try?

[golden_nemesis]

I haven't had experience with anal sex, but I can make some educated guesses.

I will say right off the bat that warming lube sounds like a terrible idea. I've heard that good old-fashioned KY jelly is the best for anal. It may sound overboard, but the advice I have gotten from people who do anal regularly is to liberally lube him up, then apply into your anus, possibly using a syringe of some sort. Messy, yes, but it would probably ease the process considerably.

Also, have you slowly worked yourself up to it? Start with fingers, then small toys, then when you are completely comfortable with that, you can try true penetration. Go very slow, and make sure you are completely in control of the situation, that he only does things when you give him the word.

If after all this you still feel like it is a horrible experience, be honest with him about it. It is one thing to compromise, another thing entirely to be as miserable during the experience as you appear to be. I don't think he wants to torture you.

[skipper]

This is supposed to be comfortable and enjoyable for both of you. If you feel pain, you two aren't doing it right. Stop immediately, figure out what's wrong and if necessary try again another day. Also, prep for this. Have everything you are going to need at hand.

Trust is paramount. You have to know he will stop if you say stop.

You must be very willing and very relaxed. If you are worried about pain, you aren't ready. Pain should not be an issue b/c he has agreed to stop if you feel discomfort and you trust him to stop.

We find it's better if my wife has 2 or 3 orgasms b/f we start. She is both relaxed and aroused and she enjoys it more in a heightened sexual state. In fact, she enjoys it a lot.

Use lots and lots of lube. Too much is about right. Then use a little more. Use a heavier based lube. Spit ain't gonna cut it. We like the silicone types b/c they last longer and don't get sticky. This is not the place to take the cheap way out.

Start w/ some gentle probing w/ a finger or toy and work up to him. Your muscles are not going to be happy changing from a one way to a two way street at first. You must be relaxed and tell them to loosen up. SO should treat this as a school zone and proceed w/ utmost caution. Have him stop every 1/2" or so and get used to having him in you. You need to be in control of his movements until your body adjusts so give him stop and go commands and tell him what speed is acceptable. You may find you can't take all of him and that's ok.

Be extremely and I mean extremely careful not to introduce any bacteria to your vagina. Even if he was wearing a condom, he should wash thoroughly b/f front door sex again. Toys must be undergo complete cleaning beyond soap and water. Why the amusement park is next to the sewer plant, I'll never know.

Have some towels ready for cleanup. He might be a little dirty and both of you are going to be covered w/ lube if you did it right. If he isn't using a condom, he should pee directly afterwards to flush his urethea.

Have fun!

[WildChild]

First off I wonder about him "making" you stick with it even though you were finding it distasteful and painful. Sex is supposed to be about both of enjoying it - not just you pleasing him. This is something that there is a wide variance with. Some men are just obssessed with it. Some can't stand the thought. Women have about the same range of reaction. But from what I've seen and heard the bigger the cultural or religious taboo the more likely someone will be on one extreme or the other. (some always want what is forbidden- LOL)

My personal experience has been that lots of lube isn't needed but muscle control is. You will get over the "diarhea" feeling somewhat or entirely with more experience. Start by pushing out, just as if you were having a bowel movement just before he enters. This relaxes the muscles and makes entry easier. Once he has just the head in, have him stop and give you time for your muscles to adjust, then he can go a little deeper. He has to understand that you are in command on this, if you tell him to stop or slow down he must respond immediately or this is over. It may be easier with you on your side with him either spooned against your back or on his knees, with your knees bent. (you are on your side, kness bent 90 degreesm he is behind your butt)

Especially starting out a condom is a good idea or have him pull out and cum on your skin. Otherwise it can be a bit messy after and you will have to spend some time getting cleaned out. If he cums inside it is basically a small thick enema and what goes up must come down.

I'm of the take it or leave it school, it doesn't bother me but I don't crave it. The light of my life has decided after a few goes at it that it isn't all it cracked up to be and that suits me just fine. There are some women who don't cum vaginally but do anally - whatever works for you.

[Hopeless Dork]

Me and my boyfriend started experimenting with this a few months ago, the results in fact lead me to this board in the first place.. to post an embarassing thread about what I was experiencing the days after having it. (Feeling air passing from there the next day with no indication it was going to be there... so embarassing situation for me. It got better after a couple of days and things went back to normal but I think it kind of relaxes the area for a little bit after having it)

Anyhow, We've made a handful of attempts at it randomly and only a couple were "successful" as in , him being able to enter all the way. It was painful and I was embarassingly loud too, but I don't think it was as painful as I always worried it would be. It hurt, but was tolerable. I did feel a pressure toward my vagina while he was inside me back there that felt good and I tried to focus on that feeling and the turn on of doing something so different and it kept my mind off the physical pain of it.

1/2 the time we did it with lube 1/2 the time we did it without and we were able to get it with and without it and weren't able to get it in with and without it. I don't know what the cause was for either. I've always been curious so I was the prime inniator but he was quick to comply with my curiousity

After the first try I didn't experience the feeling afterwards of being 'open' down there again, only that very first time. Most experts reccomend lube and lots of it to reduce chances for injury and tearing etc.

I wouldnt even attempt it if I wasn't sure where I stood on the last time I went to the bathroom. The times I tried it were times I had went recently... and was sure I was "empty" in that area. Like you at first I still had a natural urge to push down when feeling pressure in there, it kind of does recreate a sensation at first that makes you feel like you have to go to the bathroom. But I think thats mental - when you are sure that you don't have to go and you feel that, you know you can relax about it and eventually that feeling passes. At least it did for me.

Like I said no expert, and have not even gotten it in on every try - but its something I am still plenty curious about enough to want to try again. Its nothing I don't think I'd want on a regular basis but when the mood is right, I am feeling adventerous and I feel safe and secure back there I'd give it a go again for certain.

Like you, I am interested in understanding the type of pleasure that some women get from it - the pleasure I experienced was almost the denial of pleasure... I was so wet and turned on and didn't have him where I craved , but oh so close to it, pressing against it which was a turn on in and of itself. Also that pressure like I said... seem to make me even more turned on and wet and if I relaxed enough and we took our time I wonder too if it would lead to orgasm without any added stimulation.

But the last couple times we did it I also pushed a finger inside of my vagina because it just wanted to feel it so bad.

I don't know to me its like a challenge and just a little something extra in the pleasure aresenal to explore further. And theres something about it that feels extra special, I guess because its not something everyone practices, there is a naughty factor to it that is a turn on to me. I also like feeling like I am open to giving him all of me that I can in that way that I find emotionally satisfying.

[GlossyT]

We dont do it anymore. However I wanted to let you know that when we did it felt great to me. Not really at first, but we were in the wrong position. For it to feel great I had to be in total control, that being me on top. I was able to take as long as I needed for it to get comfortable. Its not for everyone. So if none of these suggestions work after time and practice, then you should talk to him and tell him its just not good for you, and its too painful. He "should" understand.
Hope these all these posts help you.

[ripdabs]

Ideas and suggestions for anal sex

I'm a straight guy who has played with some anal toys in the past on myself. Here are some ideas:

1) Make sure you're clean. Go to the bathroom. I even tried an enema once. It's up to you.
2) LOTS of lube. Repeat lots of lube.
3) Make sure the guy goes slow. If it hurts, have him stop penetrating and get used to the feel. If you don't get used to it and it still hurts then STOP!!
4) When I was giving anal sex, I was in the position where I reached around and rubbed her clit. She was able to use this pleasure to help if she had pain back there. The pain should go away.
5) Use a condom!! Even if its with your husband.
6) Good luck on this one!! Tell him you want to buy a strapon and do him. If he allows you, he will realize what is needed to be the penetrator of anal sex.

Hope this helps.

[Autumnbinature]

---

Have questions about using coconut oil as lube?

We have more answers!

Read our Knowledge Base article, “Can You Use Coconut Oil As Lube, Or For Anal Sex? Is It Safe?” here:

https://www.womens-health.com/coconut-oil-as-lube

---

cold COCONUT OIL!!!!!!!!!!!!

this is the best ever lube EVER! when coconut oil is refrigerated it gets hard and you can break off small chunks and insert them anywhere right before you start your sexual routine. its messy and it melts. you get lube where you need it most inside then evey time it gets even a tiny bit uncomfortable have him use more on himself. anal gets better with practice. you have to relax and it really helps if you have a vibrator on your clit at the same time. the best part about coconut oil is its a natural safe gentle lube.

[SinisterUrge]

Also, until you're more experienced, don't be surprised if you feel you NEED to get to the toilet immediately only to rectally discharge the lube you just put in there! (The entire sex thing is rather counter-productive to rectums). Anyway, just clean yourself up with a (flushable) baby wipe, re-lube and get back at it. Don't be surprised by needing 4 or 5 toilet breaks every time you try until you've gotten the hang of it.

TIPS:
*The very best plan is to slowly stretch yourself over several days. You can buy anal training toys (also called rectal dilator kits, popular in man-sex webstores), which are basically 4 or 5 toys that get progressively larger. Or you can buy three regular dildos in small, medium and large sizes and use those (I like Tantus products, they can be cleaned in the dishwasher).
*A buttplug is great to get you warmed-up the day of the planned festivities.
*Experiment with different lubes. Clearly your warming variety is bad.
*Once you've gotten to the point you can do anal easily, you still have to maintain on your off days (sad but true).
*If all of this seems like WAY too much, well you'll have to break the bad news to your hubby that you just aren't an anal queen and probably never will be.

[sunsetrose]

Have him rub your anus while he is entering your ....
you can also use anal-eze.. it helps desensitize the area some..

I really really enjoy anal w/my DH