[Heatwave]

Just my 2 cents, an option you could consider: some people have open relationships in which both of you set the boundaries as to what's ok and what's not ok .

Thanks, I'd thought about an open relationship, don't know if he or I could handle that, but since I turned 27 I feel calmer about relationships in general and will mull this over in my head.... maybe one day, we'll see what happens.

Oh and don't know why two people have mentioned marriage because that's not in the equation, I'm nowhere near getting married!

So do you think if you're both happy in the relationship (there are no other issues going on other than sex) that you can have an open relationship? anyone had experience of this?

[njman2008]

My opinion on open relationships as a guy is that I could not handle thinking about my girlfriend having sex with anyone else. I think you have to be very secure in yourself and the relationship to be able to deal with it and then more. Lets say that you are in an open relationship and for some reason your b/f is having more sex outside of the relationship, how is that going to make you feel - and vice versa. I would just be flat out BLUNT and HONEST about how your feeling and if things don't change, I would leave. I as well love sex way too much to have it be a problem. I had issues like the one you are having now and I just made it clear. I wrote down a list of issues I have with sex in the relationship and then described in detail the problems and what I would like. Obvioiusly I can't get everything I want but my g/f pretty much met me half way and I am happy with it.

[Heatwave]

Thank you so much njman2008, I can be a bit indecisive (to put it mildly) and just deal with things as they are. It's time to take some action in the sex department! You may have inadvertently turned me into a dominatrix . After thinking about the open relationship thing, ugh it just doesn't make sense. Sex outside of a loving relationship, it's so mixed up I can't bear the thought.

[Heatwave]

Hi,

Just revisiting my thread to comment on how my situation has resolved itself. In a nutshell I stayed horny and frustrated for over a year, but it's sorted itself out partly due to me being totally honest with my boyfriend about something not being quite right, and lots of thought and trying out different things. Plenty of fun being had now!

So, it may have seemed like a small issue to everyone else, but when it's to do with sex it's often a huge issue to the people personally involved. Especially when you're incongruent with each other. I now know that sticking with my boyfriend who I've always loved and not worrying too much about it (keeping busy with other things and working out the problems bit by bit) was the right thing to do. The boring option was the right one! never mind open relationsips and the like!!

Thanks so much to everyone who gave me advice, you were right xx Also interested to see another poster from some time ago revisited his thread to also say the same.....

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/11775-how-2-tell-parents.html

[stressed]

That's wonderful!

About the thought of "what if I had sex with more than 1 partners, would I be happier now? Am I missing something?": I think that sex can 'start' differently with different partners, but it eventually always reaches the same point in the long run, so practically it is nothing you are missing. If you've had sex with 2 people before the one you are currently with and think "oh my 5-6 month-long ex'es were so much more into sex, but my current lifetime partner isn't" it's because most relationships reach the point of 'having tried everything' and it has nothing to do with the others being better. If you're unhappy with your current partner it's because sex is bad with the specific partner and it has nothing to do with not having had more partners in the past: whether you'd have more or not you'd still be unhappy today. Question is, what you do with what you have and if you still want it or not.

Sex is the same no matter who you have it with, it's what you do that differs and what you feel for the other. People who have had many short-term partners can be equally experienced as those who have had 1 long term partner. The doubts are mainly due to psychological factors of the sort "what if" and "most people have had more partners, what if I'm missing something".

UNLESS we are talking about a relationship where the sex has been dissatisfactory since day one, then it can be a case of sexual mismatch.

[LilahX]

I always thought sex was important, but never realised quite how important. seems it can really make or break a relationship.

You have hit the nail on the head! There are many components to a good, strong relationship and sex is one of them and it can't be ignored b/c if it is then yes it can kill a relationship.

My (middle aged) advice is not to settle in a relationship if the sex isn't how you need it to be. If you settle for what you've got it's likely to either breed resentment which then spreads to other aspects of your r/ship or it will drive you to find what you want elsewhere. Obviously neither outcome is good.

I was married to my first boyfriend for 25 years and was always wondering what 'great sex' was like and hoped I wouldn't die before I found out. It wasn't the only thing that made me want to leave (I did eventually), but it was on my mind a lot of the time. Now I'm with a guy who's adventurous and supportive of me (and us) exploring so many different sexual areas and it's brought us so close b/c we can be totally, totally open and honest about what we want and need.

In my humble opinion the only way to have a successful love life is for lots and lots of talking and listening, being non-judgemental and being aware of your partner's needs. We are sexual beings and that can't (and shouuldn't) be ignored.

[b02001]

This thread has been similar in some ways to issues I am facing now. However, I am with a first boyfriend(he is older, and definitely more experienced than I), and we are not having actual intercourse. I am 26 though, and my body has decided to wage all out hormonal war on me to push me towards sex, so I completely understand the horny and frustrated aspect.
I do wonder about what it would be like with different people, but mostly I just feel the need to have it with him more than anything. I think I could be contented sexually with one person as long as we were fairly active. For him too though, it doesn't seem to be a very high priority in the relationship.
My other problem is, I don't feel like I have a right to have full intercourse unless I would be prepared (no matter how small the chances from failed protection would be) to handle a baby if that should somehow happen. And I really would like to have marriage first, then sex( mentally at least, not physically) . The hardest part is, not knowing how sexually compatible we really would be if we don't have sex until we are married. Oh, why must we always wonder about the grass being greener somewhere else...

[StillLearnin]

Go get more experience while you are young.
Or you'll regret it when you are older.
Then find a husband that can keep up with you sexually.
Or you will regret it and be miserable.

[SixOaday]

Can't say what is right for you, but I just turned 30 and have not had an exclusive relationship since high school. I have also never limited my desires by gender. That doesn't mean I haven't had relationships that lasted several years including my current roommate (female) who I have been with five years. I have four other regular partners and am not above mixing in other short term relationships now and then. Obviously safety and health must be a priority. I am completely up front about my appetites and yes some guys ( and gals) can't handle it. I do not know if I will ever want something different. Right now I have no desire for a child so there is not that factor to consider. My one other rule is I won't get involved with anyone married unless I have permission from their spouse. (Has actually happened twice)

[LilahX]

Go get more experience while you are young.
Or you'll regret it when you are older.
Then find a husband that can keep up with you sexually.
Or you will regret it and be miserable.

Ditto!! Finding someone who is sexually compatible is so important and it's good you know some of what you need (and more things will become apparent as you experience more).

The right guy for you in all respects will be out there!