[ItsASecret]

So heres another general question.

How can my SO and I spice things up sexually, or non-sexually?

[rcoreyus]

Spicing things up:
Sexually: Wow, so many options. Role playing. light bondage, do it in different places, sex toys, erotic movies. What sort of things do you and he like?

non-sexually: Again so many options: Do new things. I don't know where you live but if you haven't before: Go rowing / canoeing. Hike in the mountains. Go to new ethnic restaurants, Go to a city you have never been to before and play tourist, Listen to a new type of music, learn to dance, learn Karate, go for a moonlight walk on the beach, or in a park, go bungee-jumping, go to an amusement park. What sort of things do you like to do?

[ItsASecret]

Sexually, we have discussed role playing and we both came to the conclusion that it isn't at all for us. No problem there because I never wanted it to begin with. Light bondage may work. He has told me he wanted to do something like that but I'm always like okay, so what would you do? and he just says "you know, I honestly don't know" lol...its worth a try I suppose. In general we would like to stick to things that aren't too crazy and off the wall wild but still a nice change in pace.

Non sexually we are not adrenaline junkies so things like star gazing, walks, and hikes are a perfect thing. Recently we managed to find a spot in the country to look at the stars and we ended up just kissing and touching, no sex, but I think I will bring that up again with him and see if we can go all the way cause I find that really romantic.

[rcoreyus]

You can start very simply with light bondage. Tie him up, blindfold him, then just do all the nice things you would normally do - see how he reacts. Or, have him do it to you.

I like night walks under moonlight. Once your eyes adjust you can see remarkably well.

[WildChild]

Why not check out different kinds of porn together? See what piques your interest. My SO and I have discussed that there are things that we might look at and examine out of curiosity but have no interest in doing. We are both insatiably curious, particularly about sex and what people do. It doesn't mean we want to do all we've looked at (there are some truly weird things out there). Sometimes it can give an edge to sex just to look and say, hummm, well.... not us. Some things we've tried and said, naaa, not doing that again. So far it's him who's more likely to say, not doing that again, but he appreciates that I'm willing to do some exploring. There is a level of trust needed.

Try getting into different environments, even just talking about it. Wiggle under the car with him when he's changing the oil and whisper lacivious things in his ear, build some sexual tension when you are in situations where you can't possibly do anything about it. Sometimes take it slow and others go a super quickie, just mix it up.

[ItsASecret]

I brought this up in a different thread but I think its best to keep any questions I have in this thread.

Anyway, I still cannot achieve an orgasm. I am a curious person when it comes to these orgasm books so I read them to see the variety of 'orgasm formulas' that each individual therapist will come up with, and I like I have mentioned on different threads the information is definitely interesting and sounds completely doable. However, I have realized from reading these books that the things that are listed to increase ones sexual mood ahead of physical stimulation (which is required for an orgasm) are things that I already do on a totally regular basis. For example, the parts that each book will say are "have your partner kiss your neck and slowly kiss down your body while giving slow caressing touches"....that happens every single night that I am with my boyfriend. Even just lying on the bed watching tv he will kiss down my body and I won't give much attention to it because it happens so often. Basically I get the kind of attention that some women would die for and I don't know what to do anymore to get in the mood at any given moment. The constant affection has literally gotten me habituated to it all and I am totally confused as to what I should do. Occasionally I will get in the mood and the sex (including oral) feels much better but honestly it does not happen that often.

Another thing that is probably a good thing to note, I am a person totally devoted to science and using it to explain things. I know anatomy and physiology quite well so I'm not a woman unaware of my body, as well as I know the psychological basis of mind manipulation so in theory I should be able to orgasm without a problem. However, I have an extremely hard time following through with material that involves things like "feel the ball of energy at your navel and move it to your clitoris with your breath" because I simply do not believe in such material. I like the idea of using fantasies to alter the mind into a state of what is desired but anything involving energy, chi and whatever other term correlated to that material simply does not work for me. What can I do? Maybe I am simply a lost cause? lol

[golden_nemesis]

I brought this up in a different thread but I think its best to keep any questions I have in this thread.

Anyway, I still cannot achieve an orgasm. I am a curious person when it comes to these orgasm books so I read them to see the variety of 'orgasm formulas' that each individual therapist will come up with, and I like I have mentioned on different threads the information is definitely interesting and sounds completely doable. However, I have realized from reading these books that the things that are listed to increase ones sexual mood ahead of physical stimulation (which is required for an orgasm) are things that I already do on a totally regular basis. For example, the parts that each book will say are "have your partner kiss your neck and slowly kiss down your body while giving slow caressing touches"....that happens every single night that I am with my boyfriend. Even just lying on the bed watching tv he will kiss down my body and I won't give much attention to it because it happens so often. Basically I get the kind of attention that some women would die for and I don't know what to do anymore to get in the mood at any given moment. The constant affection has literally gotten me habituated to it all and I am totally confused as to what I should do. Occasionally I will get in the mood and the sex (including oral) feels much better but honestly it does not happen that often.

Another thing that is probably a good thing to note, I am a person totally devoted to science and using it to explain things. I know anatomy and physiology quite well so I'm not a woman unaware of my body, as well as I know the psychological basis of mind manipulation so in theory I should be able to orgasm without a problem. However, I have an extremely hard time following through with material that involves things like "feel the ball of energy at your navel and move it to your clitoris with your breath" because I simply do not believe in such material. I like the idea of using fantasies to alter the mind into a state of what is desired but anything involving energy, chi and whatever other term correlated to that material simply does not work for me. What can I do? Maybe I am simply a lost cause? lol

Don't let your boyfriends daily physical attentions go unnoticed! Focus on those kisses and caresses, don't just tune them out as you watch your favorite sitcom. Make a conscious decision to be aroused by them. My partner is the same way, pouring on the physical intimacy every night, but it never fails to turn me on. I just start thinking about his hands, his mouth being in delightful places, and I am ready to jump him. Try to see it as part of extended foreplay, feeding the fire to get it ready to blaze.

Personally the best way for me to orgasm is during vaginal sex, with my partner also providing clitoral stimulation. Oddly enough it doesn't work nearly as well for me if I try to stimulate myself. I just have to let go of control completely. If I try to focus on what I myself am doing, I usually fall flat. Its why I always had a spotty record with masturbation. I'd get too caught up in what I was doing, not what I was feeling.

And I am with you as far as visualizations. The simpler, the better, and the fewer catch-words and phrases, the better. My best advice is to let go of all the worries and distractions of daily life. Don't let thoughts of chores or work or school or whatever enter your mind during sex. The most effective visualization for me is to imagine myself and my partner surrounded by darkness that blots out the rest of the world, that shrinks it down to just the two of us. I try to hold that image and focus only on my physical sensations. Sounds kind of simplistic and dumb, but simple ideas sometimes are tremendously powerful.

Good luck!