[Calicorado83]

Why is it I lust for him so badly? It has become a desire that almost consumes me. I can't get these thoughts out of my head, and when I try to divert my attention towards another man, I find that they just can't handle me as well as he could. I just like the way he does it. Only he can touch me and make me feel good.

I am afraid that once I get the chance to have him again, I will only want to have him more and more. He is not healthy for me. But I feel addicted. Or maybe I am building up the memories of how it used to be into something greater than what it really was? Does it make sense that that can happen?

I would hate for him to know that he is really my only focus right now when it comes to sexual desires. I long only to have him inside me. I don't crave sex, I crave sex with only him. I've had those other boys. But he is what I want. And at this point, I really don't know what to do. I feel like I am going crazy. Am I normal, or obsessed?

[CHANDLERS WISH]

SomiticPit.

I sense you are a passionate person.

I sense that you are young.

Is this your first love?

Did he cheat on you or make you not feel important enough that you want more, he was smart, told it how it was, you tried to conform?

He was confident huh.. He was never, ever, really yours and so you want him badly...

You want to prove you are better than any other and you so want to let him experience you again.

If i am wrong tell me.

You have not given much information however, this is my take for now.

CW

[WildChild]

This is the guy who lives across the hall? Who is having sex with other girls since you broke up but pitched a fit to see you talking with some other guy? The one who got you to have a threesome, made you watch him doing the other girl? The one you've said wasn't very nice to you but rocked in bed? That one?

It's been what, over 3 months now? You are lonely, you are horny and you aren't looking forward to deal with the dating scene. Running back to what you know looks safer than finding someone new. I can almost guarantee that if you go back to this guy you'll regret it. He may accomodate you and have sex with you but he'll be laughing up his sleeve while he does and may well treat you far worse after. This will put him a posisiton of power relative to you that could be very ugly and become abusive. From the little you've shared he has been emotionally abusive, hasnt he?

What happened to moving? At least elsewhere in the complex? As a property manager I can tell you that if you are a good tenant who pays on time, keeps their place clean and isn't a source of problems like police calls, they will work to keep good tenants. They may well be willing to let you move into another unit. Out of sight, out of mind really is true. The less you see and hear of him the sooner you'll feel ready to move on.

In the meantime work on your self care and self love. You deserve better but you have to know and feel that. Believe me there are plenty of men who can rock your world sexually, you need one who can also treat you decently.

[Hopeless Dork]

Well said CW and WC. Sexual attraction, to man that you know can satisfy you is a very powerful emotion. Deep down you know this isn't the guy for you, you want him to be, but unfortunately we can only control who WE are... we can't do anything about the other person and have to accept them or move on. Don't compromise the other 23 hours of the day's worth of happiness for the tiny spot in time that he gives you pleasure.

Like WC there is a plethora of hot men that can rock your world and still treat you like the diamond you are. Nope, you can't know for sure who will create that kind of chemistry with you and there may be dissapointmens there and here... but look out for your ownself, buy a toy... date awesome guys in the mean time and wait to see where your heart guides you.. as well as your hormones

[nk444]

obsession

it's called an obsession. that's all it is! it will fade over time or when you become obsessed with someone else.

[Richard S]

If you want to go back and re-kindle things with this guy, it's your life. But if you find yourself in a bad power position, you have no one to blame but yourself. We all get our hearts broken, especially during the drama that is our 20-something years. But it's sad when you look back and see how predictable it all was.

But, yes, those moments of passion are very sweet. It would be sweeter still, if he felt like he had to win you, to reach out and make an effort.

[Calicorado83]

Thanks to Everyone

Chandlers Wish, I really was not for sure if he was my first love or not. I sometimes think he was, but other times, I think it was infatuation. I had a pretty good idea he cheated on me. Once, there was a girl inside his apartment and he did not tell me she was there, afterwards, told me she was just a friend. On Valentines day, I recieved a text message from his number but it was to another girl he mustve seen earlier in the night. Claimed that time that it was his friend who had borrowed his phone and sent the message to the girl, but I had trouble believing it since the message started, "This is Jake." Notice there is a period after his name, as so there was in the text. I noticed that, paid very close attention to the detail when I got that message!

He was very smart. Or at least to me he seemed. He was very confident and independent. He sort of did make me feel inferior and helpless at times I have to say.

WildChild, this was the guy who lived across the hall. But since that post I have moved into another apartment complex. I could not live near him anymore. In our relationship he was always the one who wanted to have the say-so. Me being stubborn I tried to fight against it, but in the end it was usually him that won or us not seeing each other until I gave in and apologized later. So I completely can see where if I were to go back, even if just to have sex with him, he would feel yet again in a position of power. And I don't want him to feel like he deserves to have me again, now that you have put it that way.

And it would be sweeter if he really did try for me. I don't want to make myself feel like he wants me by throwing myself at him.

I really do thank all of you for your replies because I have been so torn between my choices. My heart really does love him I feel, but my head knows he is no good for me. I guess I haven't really gotten over him yet.

[Haven]

You could do what a friend of mine did

1.) stoke the obsession until it reaches ridiculous proportions
2.) move in on him despite the timing being wrong and his attitude being poor
3.) be completely underwhelmed by the experience and initiate a breakup

I call it "THE 180" - closure or your money back

Jokes aside, if your sexuality can only be unlocked by the men you're with, you'll always be vulnerable to the men with the right keys. If you make it a part of yourself to the point where you don't have to rely on the skill a man possesses, you can enjoy a great sex life with guys you choose for better reasons.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Chandlers Wish, I really was not for sure if he was my first love or not. I sometimes think he was, but other times, I think it was infatuation. I had a pretty good idea he cheated on me.

Bad boys, will be boys, they will play and play and if caught out lie, in order to maintain that person, in their control.

One day they grow up and realise the importance of an exclusive relationship, he's not there...

You "know" he has cheated on you, and as I said, or suggested, this is what is attractive to you, that being only that if you could only get him exclusive, then you have won...

Na, you don't need that let alone STI's, STD's...

We always want what we can't have, until we realise what we are worth, then they can't have what they want....

CW

[CHANDLERS WISH]

4 other reasons not to:-

Haven

Jokes aside, if your sexuality can only be unlocked by the men you're with, you'll always be vulnerable to the men with the right keys. If you make it a part of yourself to the point where you don't have to rely on the skill a man possesses, you can enjoy a great sex life with guys you choose for better reasons.

Wildchild

In the meantime work on your self care and self love. You deserve better but you have to know and feel that

Hopeless Dork
Deep down you know this isn't the guy for you, you want him to be,

Richard S
But if you find yourself in a bad power position, you have no one to blame but yourself.