[Ice Queen]

Ok, i have the same things that many other girls have here. I hate sex, it's painful and i don't get aroused. I don't feel anything. I feel completely out of the moment. I don't desire anything. The only way I'll have sex is if they really persuade me, and that just basically means i want them to shut up. Other than that i just shoot it down. I refrain from dating because i don't want to be pressured to have sex with them or they'll leave me, after i start to actually like them.

But the thing is i've always been like this. I've always felt uncomfortable about having sex. I can talk about it just fine, make everyone blush. But doing it is the hard part. I've had sex a lot with my ex, it was awful. I'd hurt and I'd cry and he'd just want to get off. He didn't believe in foreplay. Then i've tried having sex with a few more people i trusted and liked to see if maybe it was my ex but it wasn't. Still painful, still had to stop in the middle because i couldn't take it anymore. With my most recent ex, it still hurt but i didn't mind doing it or getting into it. but i always just think about my ex and how much he hurt me. Now i feel uncomfortable about having any foreplay done to me. Just uncomfortable about it. And I feel uncomfortable going down on a guy too. I'd rather just avoid it all. I'm pretty sure it's all in my head. I have too many inhibitions. I don't want to lose control.

Sorry this is so long but I just want to be normal. I just want sex to not make me feel queasy, and i want to want to do it. I'm seeing this guy i really like and we click. But i've been avoiding him because i know that we should have sex soon. And he feels me being defensive and having a wall up. But i just make it like its nothing in particular. I've been on different forums before. I just want help

[mr.mansview]

if you really click with this guy as you say just tell him, when the moment gets intimate, that you are uncomfortable with sex and that you find it difficult to enjoy it..if he really is a sweet guy he will take it slow and put your feelings first..don't be afraid to tell him to slow down if things move too fast..after all the slower he goes the more you should get aroused..

[Ice Queen]

That's never worked for me. I tell them and then it gets awkward. They don't know what to do and they say they'll take it slow for me but then that just makes me go ahead and never do it. So I did it, i had sex with him tonight. I let him touch me and everything. I was fine with lubrication but mentally I was just not with it. And it still hurt even though i was wet. It's pain right at the begininng of my vagina. It was a step forward, i guess.

[Hopeless Dork]

If you are lubricated and still experiencing pain, it may be more than mental. I'd make an appointment with an OBY/GYN and have them give you a thorough examination to make sure there are no physical reasons that sex is uncomfortable. If there is, they can be addressed, if there isn't it will give you the peace of mind to know its a mental block which you can hopefully talk yourself down from when you start to experience discomfort.

Do you use tampons? Have you ever masturbated inserting a finger into your vagina? Does everything hurt your opening of your vagina or only when a penis is inserted?

[Ice Queen]

I do use tampons. Supers, always. :] I normally wouldn't put a finger inside when i masturbated but i just started doing it. lubricates faster. and that does hurt. it, like, burns the outside. everything hurts going in. except tampons. its just the opening feels like its not big enough and its stretching. uncomfortable. and then only during sex i get a feeling when he goes deep, like he's hitting something up there. i really like him, and not bashing him or anything, but he's average. idk why that would hurt.

[renniemama]

I second going to the doctor, you can ask an ob/gyn anything, they've heard everything.
If you think you'd be too uncomfortable asking questions, the grrab a peice of paper right now! write down everything you might have a question about, a list will work, and take this with you, just having it will help, and if need be hand it to the doctor to get the conversation going.

i hope this helps, and I wish you lots of luck

[WildChild]

Sounds like you may have an infection of some type with the burning on insertion. Do get it checked. As for the feeling like he's hitting something, try a different position. Long term ab exersizes may help that. Ask the doc if she has any explaination for that.

[Ice Queen]

i don't think i have an infection. my hole is just being stretched too much and it doesn't stretch at all :[ and we did one position where my legs were over his shoulders and it hurt the most. but all the other positions hurt, too. i just dont get it. but i think im getting better at the whole sex thing. i actually want him

[WildChild]

Oooo that's one of my favorite positions. That 'hole' is made to stretch, after all babies get through there! It's quite amazing. When you are aroused, realllllly aroused there is no problem, Having had pain so many times you may be more tense about it than you realize. Work on relaxing. You know having a talk with him about it, see if he might be willing to experiement? You have a nice long soak in the tub with candles and soft music, a glass or wine or two. Have him give you a massage and really build up the arousal, (The book, The One Hour Orgasm gives detailed instruction on doing this by avoiding arousal areaa)

[Ice Queen]

if the vagina is made to stretch, then why isn't mine stretching? i think i've had enough sex to where it should be stretched out by now. lol and that all sounds real nice. maybe ill take a bath. and i could probably get him to give me a massage