[ItsASecret]

Stretching only occurs at the moment of sex, oral, or physical stimulation. That is why people say to relax, because it speeds up the process of settling down muscle tension. Having it stretched out and opened all day would make it a bacterial dream. You just have to find out what gives you relaxation, focus on that and the self lubrication will help with the rest.

[Ice Queen]

idk. i dont get any of this. and no one seems to be able to help :[ at least its getting better. theres a plus! :] i guess only a therapist can help my crazy haha

[fallenangel]

hey,

have you been to a gynaecologist lately? does it hurt when the doctor inserts a speculum to examine you? maybe your glands at the entrance of the vagina are inflammed and that's why intercourse is painful. to find out use a swab and gently push around the entrance where the skin meets. use a mirror. if it hurts you need to go get a prescription for trimovate cream or whatever your doc recommends. i've been in treatment for inflammed glands for 6 months now. stretching used to be so painful it made me cry. and the only way to notice something is wrong is during sex or an examination with a speculum. that's not an infection. docs are not even sure what causes the inflammation but you can get treated for it. hope that helps.

[Ice Queen]

no, i haven't. i've been trying to get an appt fer a while. i'll make appts months in advance and everytime it comes up a few days before she'll cancel or she'll have to deliver a baby that day. its awful lol and a q tip doesn't hurt. its just when something fills it. penis, fingers. tampons don't hurt. its weird. i think it's mental. but what kind of doctor would i go to? sex therapist? and i thought it would get better after i got off my bc and all my meds. but it didn't change :[

[CoffeeLover]

Ice Queen- have no fear, your pains are most likely normal. When you do not have sex often, it is normal for your vagina to hurt until it is used to the stretching. Perhaps a problem you are having is not allowing your vagina the time it needs. Try having him enter you slowly, and don't be ashamed to have him stop when you cannot take it anymore. It is important for you to be comfortable. Be sure to use lubrication liberally, particularly at times when you have not had sex in a while. Some women find it necessary to use lube almost every time (myself included). Everyone is different, and many women do not produce enough natural wetness to make sex entirely comfortable. If sex gets uncomfortable after a while, reapply.

I used to have the same problem, and I believe part of it was in my head. I was scared and that initial pain scared me even more. Having a very supportive boyfriend really got me through that. He would stop when I needed it, and he would even suggest stopping if he could tell I was in pain. It is important to be open with your partner. If he responds angrily, he may just not be the kind of person who can help open you to the pleasure involved in sex. Some people can have sex with anyone, anywhere. You sound more like me. It is important to have an emotional connection and it is even more important to trust your partner.

Before being comfortable with sex, you have to be comfortable with sexuality. Allow yourself to be turned on when your partner gets turned on. Be confident in your own body. When you can do this, you might be more comfortable with foreplay. Let him touch you, and feel free to touch him. It might be awkward for a while, but one day, you'll surely like what he does and that can get you to the level of arousal needed for you to enjoy (or at least not hurt during) sex. Tell him what you want. Most men are ready willing to listen and obey. If you need to be in control, that might help. Hold his arms down and have your way with him. Tell him exactly what to do. Putting you in control can make you more secure and give you more confidence. During sex, be on top. This allows you to control how much and how fast he enters you. Go at your own pace and stop when you need to. If you don't want to let him down, when you need to stop sex, continue foreplay until you are ready to start again. He won't be complaining that you stopped if your mouth is on him.

I hope this helps. I know it's a lot to read, but I definitely had the same problem for a long time.

[Irish Heart]

Ice Queen, have you made sure that your entrance is well lubricated before inserting your finger/your partner inserting his penis? Sometimes the entrance can be extremely sensitive to friction and this can make the very act of insertion painful - lubrication can help this.