[Swiftus]

I will add one thing.

The OP said that there must be an emotional attachment for good sex. That is not entirely correct. It may help in a relationship. However, I found a woman who is in tune with her body has no issue getting off without that attachment.

I have had some of the best sex of my life with someone I had just met that day or someone that I am no longer dating. The emotional love attachment isnt there and we are both on a mission to enjoy our bodies. Animalian instinct takes over and before you know it, there are two sweaty people laying side by side out of breath.

You can be selfish in life. Most men at your age and for the next ten years will have no problem helping you. Sadly, they don't make the best lovers.

Also, never be ashamed of masturbation. I'd almost pay my wife to do it for me!

Just my $0.02.

[WildChild]

Ah Swiftus, but we are talking about women. While we can enjoy and have wonderful sex without any attachment, it is exponentially better with it. My current relationship started out very emotionally connected and the sex was beyond amazing, then he pulled back emotionally and it's still good - I've never not cum with him - but it is nothing even close to what it was or what it could be.

[Hopeless Dork]

Many years ago I use to have sex without emotional attachment and it was never good for me. It was always an act, always performing, always only concerned with others pleasure and not being comfortable enough to relax and feel it myself.

When you are with someone you love and trust and all your inhibitions are out the window and you can really let your hair down and just feel... nothing better than that.

Sure some women have the ability to let it all out on a one nighter without emotions but since its a one nighter without emotions -- you'll never really know how much of that was an act.

Nothing is absolute and I do know a handful of girls that have sex like men, just for orgasm, no connection required but unlike men women aren't guarenteed an orgasm from sex. Sex is generally over when the male ejaculates, if he does it in 5 seconds , a woman that was out for herself is well.. S.O.L.

With a relationship, generally the whole reason you are happy with the other person is that they know how to please you - or are at least willing to make the effort to try, so you are likely to get way more out of sex with that sort of connection than with a random stranger trying knock the bottom out.

[Swiftus]

Ladies, I don't disagree with you about the

The OP is literally telling us that she can't keep her hands off of herself because of the need for physical pleasure. I feel, in my completely non-expert opinion, that her animal urges are getting the better of her. I also feel that instinctual sex can be the best at times... even for a woman. But since she is a virgin, I want her first experience to be with someone that she DOES feel that attachment with.

Also, there may be a psychological issue to deal with as well. I fear that she may be feeling the way she does because she feels like she is a virgin later than many of her peers and to her it isn't a good thing. The OP should feel lucky to have held out this long. I really mean it. She knows her body already and will actually be able to enjoy her first experience (hopefully). I know many of us didn't because we were not in tune with ourselves.

[Yesebel]

I will add one thing.

The OP said that there must be an emotional attachment for good sex. That is not entirely correct. It may help in a relationship. However, I found a woman who is in tune with her body has no issue getting off without that attachment.

I have had some of the best sex of my life with someone I had just met that day or someone that I am no longer dating. The emotional love attachment isnt there and we are both on a mission to enjoy our bodies. Animalian instinct takes over and before you know it, there are two sweaty people laying side by side out of breath.

You can be selfish in life. Most men at your age and for the next ten years will have no problem helping you. Sadly, they don't make the best lovers.

Also, never be ashamed of masturbation. I'd almost pay my wife to do it for me!

Just my $0.02.

I'm just not a girl who could do that though ('least I don't think so). I may not have had sex yet, but I know myself well enough to know that I don't want to have it without that emotional component. I wouldn't be happy like that. I know he would definitely get something out of it, but it wouldn't do me any good (well at least emotionally it won't do me any good).

So sure there are women out there who are perfectly fine with having sex with no emotional attachment...I couldn't do that though. I'd rather wait 'til I was in a relationship with someone where I feel very comfortable and attached to.

[Swiftus]

I'm just not a girl who could do that though ('least I don't think so). I may not have had sex yet, but I know myself well enough to know that I don't want to have it without that emotional component. I wouldn't be happy like that. I know he would definitely get something out of it, but it wouldn't do me any good (well at least emotionally it won't do me any good).

So sure there are women out there who are perfectly fine with having sex with no emotional attachment...I couldn't do that though. I'd rather wait 'til I was in a relationship with someone where I feel very comfortable and attached to.

read my post one above yours.

[Yesebel]

Also, there may be a psychological issue to deal with as well. I fear that she may be feeling the way she does because she feels like she is a virgin later than many of her peers and to her it isn't a good thing. The OP should feel lucky to have held out this long. I really mean it. She knows her body already and will actually be able to enjoy her first experience (hopefully). I know many of us didn't because we were not in tune with ourselves.

(I probably just would've edited my post...but couldn't figure out how to...yay for being computer illiterate ^^

I wouldn't describe it as lucky because I grew up very sheltered. My school was sheltered, my parents restricted what I could see online and on TV. We never talked about sex, so it was never something I knew nor really cared about. I really don't know if any of my peers have had sex or not and it's not a concern to me. I may have some sort of psychological issues, but they have nothing to do with being a virgin. I don't have issues with being a virgin. I've never felt the pressure to have to have sex.

Luck had nothing to do with "holding out" this long. I've never had a boyfriend because I'm so shy, self conscious, and introverted and I decided a long time ago that I'm not going to have casual, random sex, especially for my first time. And I can't exactly have sex without a partner. ^^;

[ItsASecret]

I sometimes wonder if sex itself would be better without the emotional attachment. I mean right now its fine to be caressed and all that but in my personal case I'm so habituated to the touching that it rarely affects the sex. I really do try and make it add to the experience, but I do worry because it has little to no effect on the sex. I cannot orgasm even if I concentrate on the feelings, the emotions, the love...so maybe I could orgasm if I did not have to have the constant thoughts of emotional involvement and just have animalistic sex (but never ever with another man).

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I think that it's great that you've experiemented with your body and are in tune with yourself, that's a hurdle in itself that some women can't jump over, due to alot of reasons.

I think because you have experimented with yourself, and enjoy that feeling and therefore, frequent that feeling that, you remain in a state of sexual arousal, naturally, it's like anything the more you do it, the better you become and the more you want it.

As for waiting, that's a choice and it's your choice, you may find in a couple of years that your not as shy as you were, due to this finding of yourself, it may bring you out more as a person, of confidence..

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting a partner to "love" and then give him that intimacy when your ready and therefore, "feel" the feeling with love instead of only sexual relief.

Start working on other sides of you now.. You have more intuition than you realise, once you get past your in-securities of other sides of your life, you won't have a problem finding what your looking for, but beware of the "animal kingdom" of lies and deciept, of guys your age to get what they want, you know Virgins to some guys are prizes and I know you want to be with them for a while before you try, that's probably the only way you'll establish that they love you for you and not a booty call and get hurt.

Just saying, that no matter what, we all fall victim to "I thought he loved me" somewhere in our lives, so be prepared, it may happen somewhere down the track, is all i am getting at.

CW

[WildChild]

Secret, I know you aren't into Tantirc thought but you might try one of their techniques of clearing you mind and essentially thinking of nothing during sex, just feeling. I've done it successfully but find it only works for me when I'm in certain place emotionally, I've not been that centered for a while. I'll look it up and give you a thumbnail on it - it won't hurt, might help , so why not give it a go?

Yesebel, Congrats on overcoming your training this far. Personally I'm not a fan of prolonged virginity but agree that who you do this with is important. In your situation approaching a male freind might be difficult, maybe start with baby steps? Start schooling your self to let sex into your conversation? Talking here could be a good place to start. Check out some erotic writing sites and start to get a feel the range of what turns people on? It will help you feel pretty 'normal', even mundane in your desires. Being horny is normal and I agree with Swiftus that if you could, some just plain out all out sex might be just what you need, but being a virgin coming from the background you do you're going to have find some other outlets. Keep masterbating, keep things juicy, until you work out the rest of this. Some man is going to find himself very lucky one day.