[Rainie1117]

I am in a wonderful marriage, My husband adores me and I feel the same. My problem is going to sound rediculous but here goes. My husband masterbates not a lot & not often, But we still have sex after all these years together 3-4 times a week. That's good right? Well I always thought so. But I catch him masterbating alone I even know he's going to do it and he knows I know. Usually not until I'm stomping through the house slamming cupboard doors and stuff though. And he gets all touchy feely and baby this and baby that so he knows he's been busted. Now the thing is, it doesn't bother me when we're together and he does it. It really yanks my chain when I leave the house and come back and find that he's done it. It makes me feel so inadequate. Like I'm not enough for him. I know in my head that this is rediculous. But my heart just aches, I can't even begin to explain how it makes me feel. We're in our mid 50's and I think still very sexual, we always joke about having more sex than our children and probably better sex to. But when I think about it we're not joking. So tell me why I get so angry at him for this and why I feel so inadequate. He doesn't make me feel that way. He's everything I could ever ask for in a man. I have never wanted another. I hope none of this sounds childish. I just need some help understanding why I feel like this.

[Joy]

You are more than enough people's masturbation habits are formed at a young age and he is just enjoying some self pleasure. Its not bad he just is enjoying himself by himself.

You are not being childish either you want to be included in all his sexual moments that is understandable. Do you ever masturbate when he is not around? Try it you'll like it Or you might understand where he is "coming" from

[WildChild]

As long as you are getting so much attention, don't worry. He just getting some quick, totally focused release. It has nothing to do with you. It's like you grabbing a little Dove chocolate - a wee bit of pleasure in between the real meals.

[rcoreyus]

If you are getting all the sex you want, then things are fine - maybe he just wants release more often. Maybe you could offer to take care of him (something quick and easy) when he feels like sex and you don't - that way you won't feel left out.

If he is masturbating INSTEAD of having sex with you, that is a different issue.

[WildChild]

Get the book, Lube Job. See if that gives you some ideas?

[Rainie1117]

Thank you all very much your help was insightful. He's not masturbating instead of sex with me. And though I do understand simple pleasure it can hardly be compared to Dove chocolate. I was angry at him last night, that when I finished my post here, I sat here and seathed some more,trying to cool off before I went to bed,when he came out and asked me when I was coming to bed. So I went, once I got there he put his arm around me told me he loves me and it's not me, it has nothing to do with me. I didn't even say anything to him. He just knew. I told him how it makes me feel inadequate and as painful a feeling as that is for me it makes me very angry as well. I told him he doesn't have to stop, I don't want him to do that, Just don't make me feel so insecure about it. The sad thing is, I know it's not him making me feel like that,it's me. And as a matter of fact as much as I love him and I do with all of my heart, And I know without a doubt that he loves me just as much, I am still so angry this am. And I just don't know how to handle it.

[Rainie1117]

If you are getting all the sex you want, then things are fine - maybe he just wants release more often. Maybe you could offer to take care of him (something quick and easy) when he feels like sex and you don't - that way you won't feel left out.

If he is masturbating INSTEAD of having sex with you, that is a different issue.

I am getting all the sex I want, But my drive is equal to his maybe more so.I have never not once said no to him, As long as there is breath in my body I never will say no.And I do take care of him, OFTEN! He tells me that most husbands would give their right arm to have a woman that wants their husband as much as I want mine. You know after all these years together he walks into the room and still takes my breath away. I think feeling left out is a good way to describe how I feel. And I just don't know what to do about it.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

How about you look at it differently?

He's having sex with you 3 - 4 times a week, loves you that's evident, but can you imagine how hard it is to explain the quick, tension release of stress by way of masterbating?

Do you?

Look at it like that and realise when you two are together, he is "making love to you", it's all about you and both of you, not him.

When he does it, it's all about a quick stress release I do it myself and even my injuries are "no more", i just feel good..

But, when with someone you love? Totally, different, your both there together, and it's not stress release rather loving each other.

Perhaps wear no knickers and bend over when your doing the dishes that will give him a quick stress release as well.

(Smile) on the last note.

But seriously, it's so different than making love to your wife, whom you love .....

It's for a different reason.

CW

[Iseulda]

I think the comparison of having a little gourmet chocolate between meals is a very good one. It doesn't mean he doesn't like the meal or that the meal will not taste as good - he just fancied a little chocolate.

Try believing him when he says it isn't about you. I know you rationally believe him, but also try believing him in your heart. He does not sound like the kind of man who lies to you.

Another thing to think about is this - his masturbation is part of his sexual health. As men get older it has been observed that if things fall into disuse then the ability to use them when the need arises can be adversely effected. In other words, if a man doesn't have regular sex it often happens that impotence issues can start to kick in. Now, you and your husband do have regular sex and that's great - but his 'now and then' masturbation routine on top of that may also be a lot to do with what has kept him so delightfully functional for you. I'm not suggesting for a moment that if he stopped masturbating then he'd have erection problems - I'm just saying that the combination of your great sex life and his masturbation may well be the reason he's not having issues that many other men in their 50s do.

Puts a positive spin on it

[Swiftus]

I masturbate more than that and my wife knows it.
I wish I had sex 3-4 times a week.

Ladies, understand one thing about us. We like to do it on our own. It isnt a reflection on the amount of tail you give us. Masturbation is simple, quick, and doesn't require foreplay. Also, it is far less messy. We've been doing this since we were pre-teens and there is no reason to stop.

I like the statement above about comparing it to a gourmet versus a good meal. It's very accurate.