[myparadigm]

I've always been overweight and have had serious self esteem issues about my body. Every time I come close to having sex I pull away because the thought of a man seeing me naked makes me uncomfortable.

How do you relax and overcome your insecurities during sex?

Thanks!

[Joy]

Sex is sex and you could use alcohol to over come any tension you feel. Making love to a man and being in that present moment enjoying all 6 senses to love making is a whole other ball game it depends on trust.

You know when it feels right and it doesnt matter if you weigh 100lbs or 200lbs its just total acceptance. You have to love and accept yourself in order for this to happen. No man will make you feel that way about yourself if you don't already feel it for yourself.

You need to look at yourself and love your inner and outself to be comfortable with this.

I take care of my body I mosturize that means I must rub Oils or lotions over my body and I love the extra parts ofme as well My body is far from perfect I'm no airbrush of perfection... I have some stretch marks, some cellulite, scars, and a few lil love handles I believe I am very sexy because I accept my body.

When I'm making love to my bf I'm connected to him and its about making his body feel good. This is right from rubbing his back and getting in deep to his tension and releasing that and then working my way around his body to arouse and excite his other senses. Makinglove is a great exchange of positive energy and release to one another.

Did you pull away cause you didn't feel that deeply about the man? You didn't want to share your body to that level with him?

You may never be a size 2 but that doesn't mean you can't be sexy. If you are taking care of your body by drinking water, eating a balanced diet and getting some physical activity that will shine thru.

Body Image is so outta wack these days for women... All you can be is the most healthy you and that is what you should focus on. You may drop some weight along the way and feel even better about yourself.

[jr]

A man's perspective...

When I was young, immature and heavily impacted by (artificial) media of all types, I thought the only women I'll ever be intimate with are those that remind me of _____ (models in magazines, actresses on tv, etc.).

I used to think that the only sexy women were "skinny" women.

Now that I've matured and shared intimacy with several types of women, the ones that I remember as being the sexiest, hottest and most desirable to me are the ones that are most comfortable with themselves.

Confidence is sexy. Because EVERYONE has something they'd like to alter, change or improve with their own bodies.

You are no different than anyone else.

So get after it! Don't hold back or be afraid. Intimacy is amazing and you should experience the feeling of it just like everyone else.

I can relate too, because why I consider myself to be in pretty good physical shape, I also believe that I am too hairy, legs are too skinny, have no butt to speak of, chest is concave (due to illness as a toddler), etc.

Take care.

[mr.mansview]

if you are involved with a man who you have been dating for some time and he wants to become intimate then he is anxious to see you naked..he should already know that you are somewhat overweight/underweight,big busted/small busted..i doubt he will be disappointed, especially if he is initiating the physical contact..if it's a one night stand then yes the man may be surprised by what you see as your faults, but chances are he's just looking to get laid..

[MrPleazr]

Set the mood that makes you feel more comfortable... Light a couple candles, turn the lights down, then be confident. You'll find that most men are more attracted to an average looking confident girl. Confidence=sexy....

[caterpillar79]

TRUST is the key factor for you to feel at ease. If you don't feel strongly for him, and / or fails to reassure you that he likes/loves you as you are, I can't blame you for feeling that way. It took me a while to open up with my S/O. And as he recounted with me, he watched me "trust" him slowly but surely.

It is for the most...a growing period for both of you - it doesn't happen overnight. My opinion.

[Swiftus]

I was with a woman when I was in college with this issue. She never got naked when the sun was up. She absolutely hated the way she looked despite me complimenting her non-stop.

My roommates at the time called her Sunshine. That darn star cockblocked me many times because she wasnt allowed to stay the night.

[WildChild]

Do your body insecurities prevent you from having sex?

No. But a male with other insecurities or something, does.

[amaranthine]

I'm not an overweight person, but issues in my past make me a bit more over-controlling about my appearance. I can understand where you're coming from. I used to avoid sitting certain ways, or moving certain ways because of how it would make my body look. I hated seeing my stomach fold or crinkle, and I was convinced that my boyfriend was looking at it and hating it too.
But he never was. It was all in my head.

You have to trust that the person you're about to be with will accept you no matter what. My boyfriend is about 40 lbs overweight, and sometimes he still refuses to have sex shirtless because he's so self-conscious. The instant I realized that I didn't care about his imperfections was when it also hit me that he doesn't care about mine, either.
We accept each other.

Imagine yourself sexy, swaying your hips as you walk, letting your hands slide down your torso, giving yourself little touches, give that sexy smile... and then do it. You may think you'll look silly, but if you believe that you're sexy, he will too. If you're confident and he sees that, there's nothing sexier.

Good luck.

[ItsASecret]

My insecurities absolutely prevent me from having sex. I refuse to be naked during the day, I won't have sex even under the covers with the curtains closed on a Saturday afternoon. The reason I won't is because I have a slightly bigger clitoris than most women. Sounds great to some guys, and heck maybe even to some women, but to me I am ready to cry some days. I know I am not naturally the same as other women in that spot, and I am also not as physically attractive as the average 20 year old University girl. This has made me consistently think of the way I look during sex. These two things coupled creates one bad reaction; refusal of sex even if we are both raring to go. If I think he can see my clit then I will move my leg in a way to cast a shadow. The only reason I do that is the thought that maybe inside his head he is thinking "well why doesn't she look like the regular clits I have seen". He would never ever verbally say that because he isn't dumb, but because I will never know what he is thinking I prevent even the chance of him thinking that by casting the shadows.

That said, I am working on changing my thought processes by not giving myself enough time to think of the negatives of a situation. If the opportunity is there and I am wanting sex then I will try my hardest to ignore the 'bad thoughts' and try to see things in the 'good way'. So far it has worked. If I just say yes automatically then I focus on that "yes" and won't give myself the 2 milliseconds to change my mind. He will jokingly ask if I want to have sex if its the afternoon knowing full well I will say no (because he would be able to see me down there), but one day I want to say yes just to catch him off guard. Won't happen anytime soon, but it is my goal and that is what I need to keep saying to myself in order to always keep the good thoughts going...or else the bad thoughts will remain and there will be no progress whatsoever to having sex in full light.