[MrPleazr]

I actually agree with you about women being as visually stimulated, but like you, I think they are trained not to respond to it, or trained that if they do respond it's somehow dirty. I seem to find this with 30+ year old folks. There are several girls that work for me,20-25 year old, and they are very open in admitting that they enjoy porn very much.

The sex therapist's theory makes sense. I think men are much more in touch with what turns them on than woman are. I think this causes problems for some woman because they don't understand this or just don't know how to respond to it.

Yes, porn and sexuality are so much more mainstream than it ever has been, this forum is an example of that. Whether it's good or bad isn't for me to decide. It's weird raising a 15yr old son. When I was 15, the best I could do was maybe the hint of a nipple (if I squinted) in the Intimate Apparel section of the Sunday Sears ad. These days, I'm sure my son has seen sexual acts that I didn't even know existed until I was 20yrs old. Crazy, but because of that, I actually think this could make the younger generation of men LESS mental than in past generation, if for no other reason than there is less to imagine, just google it and you can find whatever you want, no imagination needed.. But, I can see the up side, young men and women both will be more educated about the whole sex thing and what you CAN do....so long as it's not some weird distorted view, which is a possible down side....complicated to say the least...

I think a lot of woman do think that men should act like those in romance novels or soap operas.... But I still the the visual/mental divide is still a big issue. Maybe less in the younger crowd but still prominent in the older generations...

[WildChild]

I think it's a problem with much of the younger generations as ever. I recently read a couple of books (Pledged and Female Chauvinest Pigs) that dealt with how sexual many young women are but deeply conflicted sexually and not at all comfortable with it. I have a 15 yr old son, as yet no gfs. He has played sports along side girls all his life and worked with them in honors science and math and sees them more as equals than was/is the case with my generation. He's had girls slam him into the boards in indoor soccer and knows they can play rough and tough. LOL. I think there is change in some groups but not others, it will be interesting to see how it plays out.

[Swiftus]

young women now will deal with more sexual pressure than ever.

are young women going to expect to be treated as flesh objects? are these boys going to think that facials and cumming on women is going to be okay? ATM, ATV? YIKES!

I fear STDs are going to go through the roof.

Folks, we need parents to step in here and help out the next generation. Tell them that all they see isn't what it is like. Is love dead?

On the other side of the coin, boys now have a very graphical guidebook on how to perform oral. Too bad is usually involves a road-cone sized dildo/vibe and a finger in someone's butt.

[SERE]

blondie you mentioned that you other isn't working...did he get laid off?......I was recently laid off and have been having problems in the bedroom department do to the whole male privider ego.. maybe watching the porn is helping give him the extra umf needed to jump your bones...it maybe him....you never know.....stress is a major sex killer for me at least and the porn can help....as for porn being bad....it depends on the situation and the individual.

[WildChild]

Ya know Swiftus, I agree. What I'm seeing, reading and hearing is the pain of change.

We have the fundamentalist of all faiths digging their heels in to put women back in the box. There is a growing movement in the Christian faiths with the domestic discipline, wives being beaten or spanked regularly to "maintain" their devotion. Some churches are now apparently openly espousing the erotic aspects of this along with claiming that it has religious validity. Honor killings are up among the Muslims - some of this is scary.

Then we see young women mutilating themselves, performing public sexual acts for broadcast, surgically altering their bodies even before they have finished developing. Some of this requires parental cooperation and money. Researchers who've been in the trenches so to speak, find that these young women aren't any more sexually satisfied or even aware of their body's real sexual potential than their repressed great grand mothers. They are behaving very sexually overtly, but have no real sensual knowledge of their own bodies. They may be imitating orgasm on a web cam but have never experienced one. They do this because they think the boys or men will like them.

Raising my children I found that being "smart" still gets met with hostility in many ways, more so for girls. My very, very bright daughter had always been razor keen on science and math, and the very small school of choice she attended supported that. We moved to another area and she rapidly lost interest - she was being teased. Her grades in those subjects dropped. Later in HS she scored a 5 on the AP calculus exam but still insisted she "isn't good at math", she forgot her calculator when she went to take the SATs and scored in the 98%, but still thinks she isn't "good" at math. It's hard for parents to overcome some of this. When it moves into the hormone charged arena of sex, it gets even harder.

And really the boys have it as bad in some ways, they are bombarded with sexually charged material at ages when they don't even have any interest. Look at the female charactures in the video games and in the action movies and cartoons. If it isn't PBS, it's all T and A.

We need some rational, non agenda driven solutions. Personally I think the world would be a kinder, better place if every adult had at least one orgasm a day. And I think it's better with a partner than on your own - for many reasons. Part of it is the connection it strengthens and builds. (Heck if I'm dreaming of uptopia why not dream big?) This mean learning to communicate, actually caring about your partner, getting past the selfish stuff - yeah - it's big.

In the meantime, like kids left on their own for the first time, the porn and other stuff is like a cupboard full of sweets, some understand right off that too much isn't good. Others will learn after a few good belly aches and there are some who will literally never learn and end up splitting a gut so to speak.

[Swiftus]

I think that I will call the current batch of kids the "Girls Gone Wild" Generation. It seems to have all started with this reprehensible series (which I will admit to have pleasured myself to in the past).

The saddest parts is the age in which some kids are losing their virginities. Even sadder is the fact that these kids do more sexual acts (by type and/or position) than many of us have ever tried!

Blame this for the death of romance. Boys expect willing drunk girls to be at a party ready to be used as a human pincushion.

[MrPleazr]

My son is one of the smart types also, at 15 he still hasn't had a real girlfriend. But, by the time I was his age, I had already had sex with two different girls. However, I think I was more socially mature at that age then he is, but I had brothers and sisters where he is an only child. Frankly, I hope he keeps it in his pants for a few more years. I would rather he didn't go girl crazy till he matured a little more.... What parent doesn't want that...

How many parents have heard of the sex parties that seem to be all the rage? 14-16 yr olds having swinger-like parties.... At 15 I would have been in heaven, as a parent, it scares the out of me....

[WildChild]

Funny how your perspectives change...

[sarahmay]

"Why is it ok for woman to read romance novels, but not for men to watch porn? If you understand that men are more visual and woman are more mental (and I mean that in a good way for this instance, LOL) what really is the difference? It's all fantasy... Which in most cases is perfectly healthy.

Moderation is the key... Sarahmay, what you discribe is on the excessive end of the spectrum, not the norm..."

Haha, for the record, I never said it was okay for women to read romance novels (in regards to some of their descriptions that get you a bit hot under the collar); quite the contrary. I personally find them more depressing than anything lol. But thats besides the point.

Porn isn't really even seen as a bad thing anymore. Over 80% of males around my age (around 17 - 20) that I know watch porn and think that its completely normal and acceptable.

Okay, let me give you this scenario:
Imagine you were in a pretty deep relationship with your girlfriend. You loved her alot, and were pretty protective. And every time you wanted to have sex, she'd say beforehand, "Hang on, baby, let me just pull out my magazine, won't be long." She'd sit there for the next 10 minutes, masturbating over all these buffed up, glistening men. Forget any sexy noises or movements. She just sits there and wanks.

Its a role reversal. And I really am shocked at how often it happens. Not to me personally, but to girl friends of mine. Its a really huge blow to the ego.

But look, I understand with the moderation theory. I believe balance is the key to success in life - but balance differs with every person, so it can be risky, because these things generally come back to haunt you, or other people, usually the ones who are closest to you.

Porn is just as addictive as any drug or alcohol or even sex.

And sorry Blondie, I think I've ranted on a bit.

Well then, I think you've got to tell him that you wouldn't expect him to stop watching porn - tell him that at the start so he doesn't get all sulky and stubborn. But then say that its making you feel like you can't turn him on properly. That you can't please him good enough, and it's making you feel bad about yourself. Ask him if this is true. Its probably not, Blondie, my guess is he's just in the routine of getting really horny through porn and so a mentality about it has developed. Reassurance is what you need from him right now, so ask for it, but make sure he's being sincere.

Then, if you still feel like you're not doing a good enough job, ask what would he would like you to do that would really get him going. I don't think he'd complain.

At the end of the conversation, I think you'll find he'll appreciate that you want to please him so much, and you'll feel good that he appreciates that and wants it.

If you're a naturally sexually inclined kinda person, I don't think you'd be leaving him that unsatisfied.

[Hopeless Dork]

Sarah that isn't always the case though. Sometimes guys just like their porn.

I do EVERYTHING for my boyfriend, everything in every way and constantly. When he innitiates I am excited to provide, I also innitiate very frequently. I talk to him about my fantasies and ask him about his. I am always exploring what feels good to him and he is doing the same for me and sex is always getting better and better between us. There is nothing I am opposed to trying that he has asked and I am usually the one suggesting things.

There isn't a thing those girls in porn do that I don't do for him or wouldnt do for him... not a thing. I love him and I am very sexual. I tease him, I masturbate for him, I go to sex shops with him, I wear a variety of sexy clothes, I give him more oral than he can take and to completion and always try to spice up how I am doing it. I've innitiated anal sex.. and every position that I can think of and always let him try anything he wants to on me. I talk dirty, I send him dirty notes pictures and videos.

Our love is strong, he can't keep his hands off me and me him when we are close. We cuddle all the time, kiss, tell each other the sweetest things, talk about our feelings, share laugh and are as intimate emotionally as we are sexually. He tells me that physically I am his fantasy girl. He loves my body and is always calling me hot and sexy and pretty and I get enough attention from guys to know he isn't just tooting my horn. (although it must sound like I am tooting mine, now lol)

BUT... even with all that... he STILL looks at porn sometimes when I am not there. He downplays it and acts like he barely does it, but he does it almost any time he's home and I am not it seems like. I've expressed my insecurity about it and he explained to me that he doesn't want those women more than me, he looks out of boredom, not with us , but with his day when I am not there.

Sure, I'd be a bit happier if he didn't. Its hard not compare myself to the beautiful women he's looking up. And he's already said he'd stop if It was what I trully wanted (don't know if that is truth or not, but I wouldn't want him to stop and resent me for being so insecure). Most of the time I am okay with it, because I don't think about it. Sometimes when I know he's been looking at those girls my heart is heavy and sad and I feel like I must not be enough for him in the looks department or he would fantasize about me.. use my pictures or thoughts of me to stimulate him like I do with him.

But in the bigger picture of our relationship, he is the most respectful, loving , affectionate caring man I could dream of being so lucky to have in my life , if he needs that porn fix here and there I can't really say that its enough for me to not want to be with him. Although I've almost broken up with him over it before, not because of the act of him looking at it, but because I felt like I'd let him be free to persue a girl that he is into enough that he doesn't require looking at other girls to be happy.

He's assured me there is not such a girl that could bring him more pleasure and contentment than myself. Sometimes guys are just guys I guess, I don't get it, never will because I don't desire to see other men naked it makes no sense to me why he would other than not being happy with me. But I'll take his word for it, and as long as it is not interferring with his drive to be with me I won't let it bother me.