[Theresa]

I am trying to spice up our sex life and need the guys opinion. I would love to surprise my husband with something special. I give him BJ's but would like to do more. Any suggestions.

[rcoreyus]

Problem is different people like different things:

Maybe he wants to come home and find you kneeling on the floor of the bedroom, naked, holding a riding crop between your teeth.

Maybe he wants to arrive at a home lit only by hundreds of candles and you wearing a white lacy dress.

Maybe he wants you to tie him up and touch and tease him very slowly - or wants to do the same to you.

Maybe he wants you dressed in a school-girl outfit, or like a hooker, or a nun, or a viking.

Has he given you any hints of his fantasies? Can you tell what he likes in movies? Has he given any hints in bed (does he like to be rough - or for you to be for instance)

It is very nice of you to want to be good to him - I hope he is good to you in return.

[Theresa]

He is not great in bed. No foreplay for me and just a BJ for him so sex is very boring if I may say. He has not indicated anything as far as fantasies so it is tough for me to know what he would like but I want to knock his socks off so to speak. I want him begging for more not running away from me so I have to be careful. Hopefully he will then help me out. I have to start somewhere!!

[Hopeless Dork]

This one is hard because its really really up to the individual for how you spice things up. My boyfriend provides me with the best sex I've ever had and I am always seeking new ways to spice it up and please him anyway.

But besides some technique tips there is really no advise anyone can offer that can offer spice to your particular situation as all people vary on desires. One mans passion is another man's turn off and while there is a grey area where they aren't either impressed or repulsed, more times than not its hit or miss.

Mine tells me he already loves everything we already do, he is open to trying anything new I suggest but doesn't seem to really have some hidden desire I've yet to unlock. But I won't give up suggesting things, and being inquisitive on what he likes because if at some point there is something he wants to try I want him to feel like he is able to tell me, because I am at least willing (and hopefully able) to fulfill his fantasies.

[thegoodstuffguy]

Hi Theresa, your man is very lucky to have you!

To be honest, guys like a lot of different things, much like girls do. If you want to tease out some of his more intimate desires that he might not be comfortable sharing normally, there are plenty of options.

1. Get a little alcohol in him, tell him you're horny and would like to do something special for him. If he has something in mind, he's more than likely to tell you at this point - the key is to make sure he feels safe t open up - this is sensitive stuff!

2. If he's not very forthcoming, you can take the bull by the horns so to speak and try a few things. A little light bondage or submission might turn him on (i'm talking about blindfolds and being tied losely to the bed sort of stuff, not chains and nipple clamps!). It sounds like you're a bit more adventurous than he is, so perhaps you should suggest to blindfold him and tie his hands and possibly feet to the bed. The blindfold will enhance the touch sensations for him. tease him gently, run your finger tips over his body, kiss him etc, then move on to more intimate things like oral and/or vaginal sex.

The combination of feeling slightly helpless and not knowing what is coming next can be intoxicating, and it also puts you in control giving you the freedom to explore new things. Just make sure you agree on a keyword or something so if he dosn't like it, he can let you know.

3. If you're really feeling adventurous and want to move up from oral and regular sex, you could try adding a little anal play to your bedroom. This feels like a big step, and you both need to be comfortable with it, but the idea of pushing taboo's can be extremely erotic. Gently does it with this though, and I'd suggest that you make the first move. If he's keen to experiment a little try gently touching the area first and experiment with differnt sensations. If he goes down on you, see if he is willing to explore a little lower while he's down there! One thing though - make sure youre both clean for obvious reasons, a shower before play time isn't a bad idea!

4. You can also try out one of the milder sexual libido enhancing products out there, there are a number of them of varying strengths, many of them purely herbal and free of side effects and perfectly legal. They just add a little fuel to your fire! If you both are willing to try this you could be amazed at the effect to both sexual desire, increased sensation and staying power. some products also include an energy boosting component as well, so make sure you have curtained off the whole night as neither of you may be getting a great deal of sleep!

[rcoreyus]

Do you think he isn't very good because he doesn't care, or because he doesn't know what to do?

He is not great in bed. No foreplay for me and just a BJ for him so sex is very boring if I may say. He has not indicated anything as far as fantasies so it is tough for me to know what he would like but I want to knock his socks off so to speak. I want him begging for more not running away from me so I have to be careful. Hopefully he will then help me out. I have to start somewhere!!

[Theresa]

We have never been "wild" in bed and I want to change that. I am more willing to suggest and try different things but he seems to think intercourse is the only thing to do in bed. I started BJ's thinking it would make him more open to different ideas but I have tried suggested things and he does not seem interested. I am not sure if he does not know what to do or what. I would love to shove his head in between my legs and say lick but I don't want to give him a heart attack (haha).

[jr]

I'm sorry ot hear that you feel your partner is not very good in bed.

What's really unfortunate, is that you're not alone. Most male egos get in the way of being good in bed, as we are generally quite selfish and focused primarily (only) on our own pleasure.

the BIGGEST PROBLEM is the fact that our partners are not HONEST with us and generally speaking, you ladies SETTLE for far less than you should.

If you settle for anything less than the best (for you) in bed then you are cheating yourself and your ego driven/focused man.

Sex or lovemaking is so much better when you are both on the same page. So take the first step, take the risk and have a REAL talk with your partner about your sexual needs, wants and desires.

Perhaps he'd be willing to talk with another male in here or somewhere else online.

Let me know how I can help.

I am a male (obviously) who used to think primarily of his own needs first. My lovemaking has gotten so much better when I started putting my partner first.

GUYS...There is nothing better than making your partner orgasm multiple times!!

[Theresa]

I have been honest with him but he seems to just ignore it or he is not sure how to go about it. I thought I could do something to him that would give a massive orgasm and get him thinking of wanting more. I really do not know if it will work but am willing to try anything.

[rcoreyus]

Ignoring and not sure how to go about it are different. If he is ignoring your needs, then you have a big problem.

If he just doesn't seem to know what to do, but you think would like to try, then you might be able to play games to help. Play cards for who gets to be the other's sex slave for the night or some such.