[Hopeless Dork]

She mentioned something about maybe wanting to try being bisexual but definitely liked sex with men still. At the time I remember saying something like, well, that's maybe okay, but I don't want to know about it

This unfortunately, was the sign. Some people you know are a bad apple for you right off the bat... some don't show their true colors until after you have invested your heart into them and that is awful and there is nothing in life that can be done to prevent that.

Your response of "I don't want to know about" should be a clear indicator that you are not "okay" with it. If hearing of it hurts you, you are not okay with it and need to let the other person know that. Not that it would have changed anything in that particular case, you can't make someone not desire something they desire. But making clear what you will or wont accept will save you from being abused in a lot of cases.


For signs BEFORE you invest your heart into someone, things that show you might be making a poor choice becoming involved with someone.

*They are mean-spiritited. If someone is mean to other people easily, they will have no guilt being mean to you.

*They are self-centered. If they think their problems, their life, their issues, their needs come before yours all the time, thinking you will later some time get the favor returned is setting yourself up for dissapointment.


It sounds like all the girls you mentioned were mean, self-centered or both. Nice girls are everywhere. Many drop-dead gorgeous girls are nice, but also open your eyes to the girls that your hormones don't automatically draw yourself to.

A lot of young men are looking for the hottest girl in the room and could care less about the future or how she will treat him (not saying all the hottest girls are mean). Why not pay attention to the pretty girl, who may not be a supermodel, but that you find attractive and that treats you kindly.

I am not saying oh go date some ugly girl who will be nice. I am saying that there are many pretty girls that get passed up because they might not be the loudest or have their breasts on full display, or because they are not the one up on the table dancing... Look around with an open mind and heart.

[Little]

Admin here ... we don't delete threads on request. It's right there in the rules. So it's not that we can't do it, it's that we WON'T. If we deleted every thread that contained personal or delicate information, then we wouldn't have a forum. If you really wanted to forget you posted this, you would have stopped replying ages ago.
Tough love moment, a la Little: women don't like "good guys." And when you read that in your head, substitute a whiny pansy voice for what's in quotes. You are stuck in this rut that I've seen in my friends (I'm 21 and just finished college, so that would put myself and my friends in about your age/maturity group) get stuck in a million times. The "good guys" women don't like are, intrinsically, good people, sensible people, moral people, stand-up friends, etc ... the problem is that they are not good to themselves.
No woman worth anything wants a man who is not good to himself. YOU are not good to yourself. YOU need to treat yourself better. YOU need to stop whining about your life and stand up and do something.
Because you know what? Nobody is going to do it for you. If you LET people walk on you (and you have,) they will. The moment you did not say to your girlfriend that she was out of her mind if she thought she was going to have sex with someone else (no matter what gender) other than you, you were saying to her "go ahead."
You think you're damaged goods? Then take yourself to a psychiatrist. They're trained to fix damaged goods.
I'm not telling you to believe in other people or to try women again. It could take years for you to rebuild what your exes have helped you mess up. I'm telling you that YOU have the reigns. You can give us a thousand excuses to not clean yourself up. But quite frankly, we don't have any kind of investment in you. We don't know who you are. We don't know where you live, who your parents are, who these exes are. The people who post on this forum just have a genuine caring for those in pain because we've been there. And if you just get up off your butt and do something about your own life, you will find it much easier to deal. NOBODY, not me or CW for keeping this thread on, is making you suffer. If you don't have control over yourself, GET IT.
Or keep on getting walked on, because I'm willing to bet it's been more than your exes who have done it. Your parents, coworkers, peers, they've all done it too, haven't they? In their own way?
Grow. a. spine. We've all had to do it to become strong people, you have to do it too if you want to be one.

[GlitterAndStuds]

I don't know very many people who haven't had their share of crappy experiences in relationships. God knows I have. I've been treated horribly by guys, cheated on a bunch of times, mentally AND physically abused...it's all a learning experience. That's really all you can do about these past girls. Chalk it up to experience and move on. I know that's much easier said than done, but it's better than wallowing in this bad mood and putting yourself down and letting it worsen by thinking about it.

I said this same thing to someone earlier, and I'll say the same thing to you - It will not get better by putting out all this negative energy. People pick up on that. It sounds like to need to take time for yourself, focus on what will make you feel AWESOME and take some time to get over all of this. Believe it or not, you will eventually. Maybe not overnight, but you will. Then you can think about your standards in a partner, and STICK TO THEM. If you go into relationships thinking "this is too good to be true" then it will be... One thing I've learned is that if you always wait for the other shoe to drop, it will. Just go with the flow and enjoy life now. Don't let these girls win by letting them control a future that they have no part of. I can assure, not all women are like that.

Little said everything best, I think. Good luck.

[WildChild]

Little has said far more emphatically than I did.
Let me clarify part of what I said, you will meet better quality people - male and female, by working to become a better quality person yourself.
Work on you. Learn, grow, try new things, expand your horizons. You've found lower quality women because you don't feel you deserve better. I mean, really, a 17 yr old, ex heroin addict is not someone the average 20 something would pursue. UNLESS they have really poor self esteem and don't think they can do better.
You have to become a man who can attact and hold the attention and affection of women of worth. Whining and feeling sorry and wounded, repells, it doesn't attract anything but users or the abused.
Get on with it. What hobbies do you have? What are you interested in? What could you learn? (the correct answer is anything you put your mind to) I'm serious, go to the Fred Astair studios and take some dance lessons - learn to waltz, then learn some swing. Find a cooking class, learn to prepare some gourmet meals, learn to swim, ski, skate, attend history or art lectures, learn how to tune an engine. Stop whining, get off your butt and get cracking. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, a food bank, a rape crisis center - find out just how big your problems are compared to what some people have to deal with. Get out of yourself and into the world.
I guarantee you'll be happier if you do and when you are feeling happier, useful and competent, you will attract similar people.

[Ahryin]

Admin here ... we don't delete threads on request. It's right there in the rules. So it's not that we can't do it, it's that we WON'T. If we deleted every thread that contained personal or delicate information, then we wouldn't have a forum. If you really wanted to forget you posted this, you would have stopped replying ages ago.
Tough love moment, a la Little: women don't like "good guys." And when you read that in your head, substitute a whiny pansy voice for what's in quotes. You are stuck in this rut that I've seen in my friends (I'm 21 and just finished college, so that would put myself and my friends in about your age/maturity group) get stuck in a million times. The "good guys" women don't like are, intrinsically, good people, sensible people, moral people, stand-up friends, etc ... the problem is that they are not good to themselves.
No woman worth anything wants a man who is not good to himself. YOU are not good to yourself. YOU need to treat yourself better. YOU need to stop whining about your life and stand up and do something.
Because you know what? Nobody is going to do it for you. If you LET people walk on you (and you have,) they will. The moment you did not say to your girlfriend that she was out of her mind if she thought she was going to have sex with someone else (no matter what gender) other than you, you were saying to her "go ahead."
You think you're damaged goods? Then take yourself to a psychiatrist. They're trained to fix damaged goods.
I'm not telling you to believe in other people or to try women again. It could take years for you to rebuild what your exes have helped you mess up. I'm telling you that YOU have the reigns. You can give us a thousand excuses to not clean yourself up. But quite frankly, we don't have any kind of investment in you. We don't know who you are. We don't know where you live, who your parents are, who these exes are. The people who post on this forum just have a genuine caring for those in pain because we've been there. And if you just get up off your butt and do something about your own life, you will find it much easier to deal. NOBODY, not me or CW for keeping this thread on, is making you suffer. If you don't have control over yourself, GET IT.
Or keep on getting walked on, because I'm willing to bet it's been more than your exes who have done it. Your parents, coworkers, peers, they've all done it too, haven't they? In their own way?
Grow. a. spine. We've all had to do it to become strong people, you have to do it too if you want to be one.

Pushes chair away from desk stands up with arms over head and starts clapping...THANK YOU!!!!!! EXACTLY!!!!!

[Ahryin]

Little has said far more emphatically than I did.
Let me clarify part of what I said, you will meet better quality people - male and female, by working to become a better quality person yourself.
Work on you. Learn, grow, try new things, expand your horizons. You've found lower quality women because you don't feel you deserve better. I mean, really, a 17 yr old, ex heroin addict is not someone the average 20 something would pursue. UNLESS they have really poor self esteem and don't think they can do better.
You have to become a man who can attact and hold the attention and affection of women of worth. Whining and feeling sorry and wounded, repells, it doesn't attract anything but users or the abused.
Get on with it. What hobbies do you have? What are you interested in? What could you learn? (the correct answer is anything you put your mind to) I'm serious, go to the Fred Astair studios and take some dance lessons - learn to waltz, then learn some swing. Find a cooking class, learn to prepare some gourmet meals, learn to swim, ski, skate, attend history or art lectures, learn how to tune an engine. Stop whining, get off your butt and get cracking. Volunteer at a homeless shelter, a food bank, a rape crisis center - find out just how big your problems are compared to what some people have to deal with. Get out of yourself and into the world.
I guarantee you'll be happier if you do and when you are feeling happier, useful and competent, you will attract similar people.

Points at Wild...."yes...exactly...I stated similar suggestions"

[Male]

(Edit) I just didn't want to know that this thread was out there. The fact that you won't delete it sort of proves everything I think about women is right. If it would help me to get over it, for you to delete this thread, would you?

No, you don't actually care. The girl I loved didn't show any signs, of anything, until it was too late, and I know that can happen again.

But even after that I put out tons of positive energy, I did all that. Like I said. It didn't matter. And I know there's abusive men out there but I have to wonder how they got that way.

You all just sort of prove my point. Women want to be messed around with and emotionally abused and everything else is a lie. And if you don't abuse them, they abuse you, is that it?

If I were to "grow a spine" what the would I want with a woman?

[OG612]

I googled something weird and found this forum with all these women talking about how they didn't get enough sex and, its probably atypical, but it confused me.

Many women don't get the amount of sex they want. Actually, they don't get the level of satisfaction they desire. Big difference.

I'm 24 (male if you didn't get that) and I'm just crazy and confused totally about women. I haven't had sex myself now in maybe three years. I haven't had good sex in maybe four. So here's personal history and you can tell me what you think...

I feel your pain, bro. I was 24 when I went from being sexually cognizant to being sexually active. I didn't get it either. I'm 27 now. I was just as confused and just as lost as to what it was what women wanted. It's never too late to learn to get the fulfilling sex life you wish you had.

The first girl, call her "C", I loved, I loved absolutely. I liked being with her, I wanted to do things with her all the time, and we had sex constantly. I went down on her, we 69ed which I liked, we did all kinds of things. We told each other we loved each other, she said it first. And I had just graduated college and I remember thinking "well thank god, I got this figured out, I don't have to worry about finding a girlfriend anymore".

There were some light drugs involved, but I felt like it meant something.

When a relationship starts off strongly sexual, it rarely ever lasts. When you say "some light drugs were involved," what do you mean? You say this a few times. Pot? Cocaine? Extasy? Mescaline? LSD? And why did you think it meant something? Nothing wrong with getting high from time to time, but don't let your drug use influence your "bonding" with people.

She decided to go on a dating service and cheat on me with many different men and women. She mentioned something about maybe wanting to try being bisexual but definitely liked sex with men still.

I'm sure I'm gonna get a lot of flack for this, but screw it. ALL women are either bisexual or bi-curious at their most base level. The Kinsey Institute, which is the leading research center on human sexuality, conducted the very first ever human sexuality study that included both men and women. Traditionally human sexuality studies didn't include women because of their varying hormone levels due to their menstrual cycle. But they found that it is a woman's nature to be attracted to other women. If I can find the report online I'll send you a copy of it.

What happened here is that you two failed to manage your expectations of each other. Especially her. If she tells you straight up "I wanna sleep with other people" and you're OK with it, then it's your fault for not setting the level of expectations you're going to get from her. Now I'm not absolving her from cheating on you. Far from it. And she'll definitely get slapped around by Karma if she keeps this stuff up.

At the time I remember saying something like, well, that's maybe okay, but I don't want to know about it, I don't remember exactly what I said but I tried to give her the impression that either I wasn't comfortable with her dating other people or I was only somewhat comfortable with her dating only other women. But before I knew it, it liked slipped out in conversation that she had been sleeping with a lot of different men and women.

And here you failed to manage expectations. You did not effectively communicate to her that she is not to be sleeping with other men, or to be involved with them sexually in any matter whatsoever. Communication is key and I can teach you so much about it. I'm a professional hypnotist who specializes in Hypnotic Game mastery. I do a lot of work within the Pickup Artist community, but don't label myself with them. Trust me when I say that communicating effectively is crucial for any relationship to survive. And after this, if you didn't kick her to the curb for betraying your trust then I'm certain you learned a very valuable lesson.

Live by the philosophy of "I don't screw around on my girlfriends. I screw around with them."

But so whatever, she completely broke my heart. After crying about it for a year, I decide to get out there and make a fresh start. I end up falling back in with the girl who took my virginity, call her "J", who was kind of a (flake? ?.. what?) I guess. She was the only girl who I'm sure had an orgasm with me. I want to believe that the one I loved did, "C", but she was able to lie to me about everything else so maybe she lied to me about that too. Who knows.

C's inability to climax does not say anything about you. A lot of women simply don't learn how to have an orgasm, or refuse to because they feel that they'll lose their self-control and be "powerless" which is total BS. This has no bearing on your story or your sexual prowess.

But so "J", right after she climaxed, she would lose all interest in sex. She'd say something like "I wonder what's on at the movies" or "mmm... I'd really like some chocolate covered pretzels". And I think one time I mentioned it and she might have said something like "well you can keep going". But I think it ended up being that I just sort of stopped caring, like it was sex even if I didn't always climax. There were light drugs involved here also, less, but so I didn't really feel like I had to "get off".

J's a selfish flake. You should have recognized this. But it's OK. You were getting laid and that's what mattered. Right? I understand the reasoning. I was in some rather unhealthy relationships myself but I stuck it out because I didn't know where my next lay was gonna come from. It's cool. You live and learn.

...well the reason I got back together with her originally is because I wanted to feel wanted after the other girl hurt me so badly, so I guess this was just like I was her "boy toy", her words. Eventually we broke up but I couldn't find anyone for a long time and we occasionally spent a weekend together here and there but it was sort of unpleasant.

That's the worst reason to get back with someone. Now you're coming from a place of supplication instead of a place of power. And if the experience post-break up was so unpleasant, why'd you keep going back?

The last girl, "L", was this ex heroin addict, very young, I sort of wondered sometimes if she was lying or if she was actually a virgin.

The girl was a junkie. She'd pimp herself out for a fix if she had to. It's not uncommon.

Most of the time I felt like I wasn't dating her, but the rehab program she went to.

You should have run away at that. She was using you to make herself feel better about her place in life.

She was smarter than "J" but not than "C", which was part of why I liked "C" so much. But so "L" seemed to want me to have sex with her, but never seemed into it.

That's because she wasn't. She was a junkie who used to herself out for smack. She's desensitized to sex but toys still get her off because she's able to dissociate from the experience and enjoy herself. She's in control. It's all her doing. Again, this has no bearing on your sexual prowess.

...But I think I really wanted to please her or something, like I wanted her to get off and when she said she couldn't, that was really difficult for me.

Should've looked in to books on Tantra, the Kamasutra, oral sex... you'd be surprised at what you can find at Barnes and Noble! Actually, that's my first assignment for you. Go to a book store and buy books on sex. That way you'll never encounter this problem again.

Now I'm skipping over a lot of what you wrote. Once again you're delving in to your sex life which really bears no weight on this story. It was an unhealthy relationship. You ended it because she wasn't in to it. You're right. It was a rebound... of sorts. She was tired of being lonely and afraid. You didn't love her. You were just used to her. And that little line about how all girls fake it... BS. She just didn't like sex. You broke up with her because it was the right thing to do. The fact you took her back out of pity for upsetting her was wrong on your part. But then again, it's just another one of life's lessons.

She said some weird things to me over the course of our relationship: one time she said that she couldn't go into bars, I was 21 or 22 I think, I think she told me she was like 18 or 19 and heroin addiction and rehab, I mean how young can you be.

Heroin's cheap. In '96 one of my friends was a freshman in high school and a full blow heroin addict. He idolized Kurt Cobain and wanted to be just like him. And besides, drug dealers don't exactly check IDs.

And she was smart too, she had written articles for some magazine. But so she says that she's actually 15 one night. And I get freaked out about this because for obvious reasons. She doesn't look 15 but I guess girls always look older. But so she plays this game with me, like trying to scare me about what age she is. I think later I see her license and she's 17.

All the more reason to leave her again. Now she's playing mind games with you. NOT COOL!

She's pretty, she has a beautiful face but her body is more cute than feminine. I care mainly about her enjoyment and her mind, I was lonely and I wanted someone to talk to, that's mainly why I started dating her.

Are you noticing a recurring theme here? You're entering your relationships for all the wrong reasons and you keep them going for all the wrong reasons. STOP THIS NOW!!!

She was upset by my acne, she said it embarrassed her in front of her friends and so she found someone for me to see who didn't actually help it. But then she said this other weird thing on the subway one day: she said "I look like a fourteen year old boy, do you like to fourteen year old boys?" And it was just so weird... but like I got the feeling that she was insecure about her body or something. I assumed that doing heroin at a young age had stilted her growth in certain ways that are important to young women. But her face was so pretty and I thought she was smart, like I said, so I didn't care. I don't think I ever gave the impression that I wasn't attracted to her. But what she said was just... I didn't know know what to say and there's all these people around on the subway and I used to be more private or something.

She's saying like this because she lacks social intelligence. She might have been intellectual, but I've met Ph Ds who were dumber than cinder blocks. You can blame it on the junk, and you'd probably be right. Or she is a certifiable nut job (and I would know, I'm a psych nurse during the day). She's doin' all this stuff to bring you down and put herself in the position of power. You fell for it everytime.

She was sometimes kind of cruel to me, and also after we broke up again. I don't know, writing all this out, it seems like she had her own problems and that really had nothing to do with me.

EXACTLY!!! Her problems had NOTHING to do with you!

But then there's a bunch of other girls that I didn't have relationships with but just dated for a day or two and it was always so weird. I remember one girl I liked, she gave me her phone number, I didn't even have to ask. But then when I called she was like "who" "I'll call you back" and then didn't. Another girl, I really liked a lot, but we didn't understand each other... that happened a lot. It was like I couldn't really... things just didn't work out. The signals were always crossed. The situation was always wrong, there was always some one else there who didn't want it to happen.

It doesn't always take a lot of hard effort to get phone numbers, or even sex for that matter. Don't let it surprise you if you're having a good time with a woman and she asks for your phone number. The first one you mentioned here probably forgot who you were if you waited too long to make contact.

It's not always going to work out. You can't win everytime.
Mixed signals is a sign of bad communication. You're gonna have to work on your communication skills.

The people that "didn't want it to happen" are the haters. They're either her jealous girlfriends, or her guy friends who are mad that you're gettin' along with her when they've failed repeatedly to get out of the Friends Zone. There are ways to deal with them.

...getting into a relationship for other people seems natural. For me, it was like trying to do a back flip on the roof of a moving car. I mean that's the part that's atypical about me I guess.

That's not "atypical" of you. There are MILLIONS of men, right now, scouring the Internet for tips on how to improve their love lives. Just because you've been striking out doesn't mean you're the only one.

Thinking about all this just makes me feel miserable.

Then don't feel miserable. It's that easy. Look at all of these as learning experiences. You learned something valuable from each and every single one of these relationships. These have helped you grow as a human being. So why should personal growth make you feel so miserable?

But so I guess I'm just sort of done with women. I have no idea why I wrote this.

You wrote this because you were tired of bottling up these emotions. You needed someone to listen to. Guess what? You found it!

Its just all weird, reading a few posts about women desperate for sex and not wanting to cheat on their husbands. And in my experience, women cheat without any regard for their partner or their relationship and don't seem to enjoy sex or lie about enjoying it.

Men cheat when they're not sexually satisfied. Women cheat when they're not emotionally satisfied. That's why my girlfriends never stray and like to bring other women home to play. As I said earlier, I don't screw around on my girlfriends. I screw around with them.

As far as I can tell, men are supposed to have sex out of anger and frustration and women are supposed to do it because they want to feel wanted and protected.

Rape happens out of anger and frustration. Men want sex to feel masculine. Women want sex because of the various levels of bonding that take place.

Its probably really stupid for me to post this here. You all are probably from a different generation. I think I'm supposed to be from the "free sex" generation, but I never was part of that.

You weren't supposed to be there because it wouldn't have benefitted you.

So I feel like I'm almost 25 now, and I've had miserable relationships across the board. The more deeply in love I was, the more I got burned. And I feel like I just had everything wrong all along.

You did. But it's not too late to change that!

I was never supposed to love the woman, I was just supposed to treat her a little badly and enjoy myself, not to think about her or something. I don't get it. But I feel like by the time I get it, by the time I get out of the rut my life is in, I'm going to be too old to have a relationship anyway. I've missed the prime of my life.

Dude, you're not cut out for the "bad boy" lifestyle. I'm telling you, right now, from firsthand experience... you can be a player and a gentleman at the same time. It's not as hard as it sounds.

I remember I was at this after party for something when I was 21 or maybe 22, and I was with these people and two were a couple, and I was talking to the guy and he was 24, and eventually I think my happy mask fell and I was drunk and I mentioned something about my life not working out or being lonely... and he was apparently happy in his relationship and he was 24 and he was like "give it time, it will work out"... well I'm nearly 25. It didn't work out.

That's up there in the same plane as a woman telling you "Just be yourself. The right girl will come along."

You want to know what the true definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing repeatedly but expecting different results. "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you always got." Erik von Markovich. Switch it up. Change your patterns. There's a million different things you can do here to improve your situation NOW.

I think I googled the phrase "desperate for sex" that's how I found this forum. The stickied thread: "My Sex Drive is Too High!" Life is a miserable joke.

If you're desperate for sex then hit up Vegas. Pay a visit to the Moonlight Bunny Ranch. Nothing wrong with that. All the women are clean. That industry is regulated by the Department of Health. But if it's your desire to be able to choose who your girlfriends will be, instead of just settling for some flake because she's available, then I can teach you how to do this. If you want to be able to give your a girl an orgasm so hard that'll have your neighbors lighting up when you two are done. I can teach you. If you want to learn how to give your women squirting orgams... I can teach you.

But the question is: Are you willing to learn and put in to practice what it is I have to offer?

OG

[CHANDLERS WISH]

(Edit) I just didn't want to know that this thread was out there. The fact that you won't delete it sort of proves everything I think about women is right. If it would help me to get over it, for you to delete this thread, would you?

No, you don't actually care. The girl I loved didn't show any signs, of anything, until it was too late, and I know that can happen again.

But even after that I put out tons of positive energy, I did all that. Like I said. It didn't matter. And I know there's abusive men out there but I have to wonder how they got that way.

You all just sort of prove my point. Women want to be messed around with and emotionally abused and everything else is a lie. And if you don't abuse them, they abuse you, is that it?

If I were to "grow a spine" what the would I want with a woman?

You wrote on a "Woman's Forum" so you need us face it, you wanted advice but sugar, bugger I forgot to mention that men would reply as well, yep, this is a great site, you can now get both views so does that count?

OG obviously read through every single thread/post and OMG that must have taken him for ever to reply.. Why do people do that? I wonder?

I also think? This site is owned by a man....

If she wasn't happy then that is why it was too late, it may not have been with you, it may have been with life in general, her past, it was therefore always going to be on the cards.

I said it before, I will say it again, go for girls who are looking for what your looking for not junkies, bi-sexuals etc, etc....

You also need to understand that abusive men don't change... And some, not all, some women feel that they don't deserve anything better than that and continue dating those types, yet they try the "nice" guy but they can't handle it why? Because they don't believe in themselves, just like you.

SO again, don't DATE those types of women... Don't DATE women with baggage, DATE women whom want what you want.

CW

[WildChild]

Well he shouldn't be dating anyone until he gets over this bogus thinking.

You have to own your role and your choices and decisions before you can move forward. Dumping on all women because YOU made poor choices is immature.

If I did that I would have so many reasons to justify hating men - I grew up abused, was gang raped, stalked, have had a gun held to my head, have been ripped off, cheated on, I could go on and on. I didn't have any control over what happened in my childhood, or over the rape or the stalking but I DO have control over how I respond and whom I chose to let into my life. I have to own that. I LET some losers into my life, I paid for the choices I made. I also CHOSE to let go of the stuff I couldn't control - they did it, I was their victim. It's theirs to carry and deal with, I moved on.

You are doing exactly what got you into and will keep you where you are - whining and blaming. It's not women, here or elsewhere, who've messed you up. It's your choices, who you let into your life, how you chose to respond. You need to work on YOURSELF. That is all you can control, your choices, your responses. You always have a choice - at least in your attitude. Until you get past this kind of blaming, whining, thinking you aren't going to get very far in life in any arena. You should consider some counseling, there a lot of good books you could read that may give you some insight into yourself and your behavior. Right now it isn't women you need to understand, it's people and yourself. Get right with yourself and the rest will fall into place.