[Mija's_Mommy]

Hello, I am new to the forums. I thought I'd come here, as my situation is really odd. I am twenty-three years old. I have never been married, and haven't dated in over two years. I am a Christian. My username refers to my Chihuahua, as I LOVE animals. Anyway, the whole idea of sex grosses me out. I had sex about three times with my ex-boyfriend (I wasn't a practicing Christian at the time) and he used condoms and I was on birth control.

I just really hate the thought of the whole body fluids exchange. Knowing how much a guy squirts and spurts after taking classes on this, I go there's no way that I want that inside me! The problem is, I am not asexual, I like men. I am fine with everything up until sex. I do not like any kind of sexual contact, especially oral sex. I would like to get married someday, but do not see how I can, seeing as I have an aversion to sexual contact. I did have some things happen to me when I was thirteen (I won't go into details). I just have no idea who to talk to because I've never run across this before.

I also really don't want to get pregnant, ever. I know there is birth control, but there's always a slim chance of pregnancy.

Okay, I am an odd duck, I know.

[mr.mansview]

when u one day meet "the man of your dreams" and begin to feel comfortable with him your fears will subside..when i was a tennager i too thot that the idea of sex was gross..even the thot of my penis entering a vagina did not appeal to me..but as you become comfortable with your mate the two of u will work it out together..i am sure most young girls dread the thot of giving oral sex but when you start to click with a man the two of you take baby steps..that goes for everything the two of u do together..trust me, everything falls into place over time..23 is still very young

[Mija's_Mommy]

Well, I don't see how that's possible considering I've had issues since I was thirteen (I was sexually abused). I just don't see how I can possibly have a relationship considering my issues with semen.

[mr.mansview]

there r many women here who have been sexually abused..unfortunately far too common..i'm sure they can give you far better advice than i can..be patient..give it a day or so and you will get some responses..good luck mija's mommy

[Katsaly]

I think you should seek counseling to deal with some of your issues, and continue to couple's counseling once you find someone to do it with. Sex therapy is not as weird as they make it seem on TV, and if you want to be able to have a normal relationship in the future, I think it would be a good idea for you to get help while you are motivated to work on it.

[Sandra_does]

Mija...

It sure seems like you are at the bottom of the pit and don't know how to climb out, huh...?

If my words may appear harsh to you, please forgive me, as my intent is not to hurt you, but only to attempt to have you realize what is happening to you thru another person's thoughts, OK...?

First...get off that Christian bit...Christians have sex too...! If you want to be celebet all your life then become a nun, for gosh sakes...

Secondly...I am sorry you were sexually abused, I know what that is like. So what did the s.o.b. do...was it oral, anal or a direct target...? Did he tear you apart inside...? It's a memory you will never forget, Mija, but you can push it into the background and get on with your life... Why must you dwell upon that and make it an issue...no...make it an "excuse" for ruining your female future...? Get over it...you don't need sympathy anymore, you need to get off your butt and move on with a positive attitude, not a negative one...!

Thirdly...so what's this big deal about squirt and spurt...? Have you never had to clean a personal discharge, wash a baby's dirty butt, washed molassis from a dish...? Believe me, Mija, dealing with semen anyplace inside our outside of your body is far better than those things... Are you such a dainty person that the slightest amount of somethiing seeming dirty drives you out of your mind...? Also, guys don't have those "gallons" of semen all their lives...(thank gosh)...heeeheeee

Why did you take classes, Mija, to learn what safe sexual pleasure can be like or to learn the drawbacks of poor hygiene...? Daresay, I think you failed the class...!

You said... "There's no way I want that inside me ." Why...? I only ask why... Is it pain you fear or do you just think having sex is a dirty thing to do...?

You were on the pill...that means you were expecting sex, right...? He wore a condom...were you lubricated (wet) enough...? Was it painful going in...was it painful right to the very end...were you a virgin...?

Mija, the first time for every girl is almost always painful. Pleasurable sex requires a lot of preparation...foreplay...so that each person is fully relaxed and prepared to give of themselves unselfishly... Young guys tend to move right in like a bull in a cow pasture and drive in their boytoy like they were drilling for oil...

Didn't you learn at least that much in classes...? Meanwhile, this is not the time to mention babies...that comes another time and is not a problem...

Mija...do you think a penis is ugly...? Have you worked one and watched how it works and what it does...? And, about you, Mija, have you actually looked at your own body, your own love toys...? Are they ugly...? Mija, these are beautiful gifts from your Creator and it is His will that you accept His gifts and use them for His intentions and yours... You do not need your little love bud to have a baby so why did the Creator give you this if not for pleasure...?

Mija, I do not have the answers here for you and no one else does either. But, others and myself do have the reasons for your ways and you must pay attention and work on these reasons... Your life will be without any kind of love if you live in fear of being touched intimately. If that's your choice then, by all means, live a lonely celebet life. Yet, I know you want more or you would not be here asking...

Now...about me, Mija. I was a virgin on my honeymoon night (that Christian thing again !) and I was a virgin the next night too... Mija, I was so scared out of my mind I did not know what to do. I undressed in the bathroom, but on my white babydolls, chemise and then put my slacks on again. I sat on the toilet and cried as I was so afraid...it was for a long time...

My hubby knocked on the door and I told him I was afraid. He came in and knelt on the floor in front of the toilet bowl looking up at me. He wiped away my tears and said we can play the sex scene another night, but definitely before we go back home. Then he said I cannot sleep on the toilet and he has to pee...lol

Mija, after we became engaged I asked him if I could see his boytoy, it was the first real time for me...just pictures before. He exposed himself to me, had an erection and explained all the whys and whatfores about it and how guys cannot control it always. I asked if I could touch it...I did...eeeeek...soooo weird...! He never asked to touch me in return, Mija, but he did get naked on our honeymoon while I was wearing slacks under my flimsy white chemise...as we slept together...lol

The next day we stayed indoors and talked our heads off and especially of what each of us will contribute to our marriage ahead... I was still afraid to have sex with him...

Well, even the second morning I was a virgin, Mija. However, this morning was a lot different. I was awake half the night asking myself what is love, why is love and is love more important to me than fear of sex...? Every sane person has sex, Mija, and if they have fears, the fears will go away very soon after...

I hope the guys here don't get too aroused now...heee heeee...

I convinced myself, Mija, that my love for him means to overcome my fears and not be selfish for my own wants...

When my hubby awakened the second morning, Mija, I had his penis in my mouth ready to suck it off of him from the roots...!!! He had an erection immediately and I would not let go. I did and did and did him with my mouth until I was gagging with yucky sticky in my mouth. I backed off while he was still spurting and got some on my face and nightgown. I kept working him with my hand as he had shown me and eventually he had no more to spurt...

Then, Mija, we laughed and wiped with a wet cloth so wet we decided to get naked and play. Believe me...play we did and by the time darkness rolled around again "HE" was asking for a break...

Well, it's been a few years and two kids later, Mija, and I still enjoy pleasing my man as much as he pleases me. He never has reason to look elsewhere as I am still the girl of his dreams and he is my man. Of course, I have never told him that if he does look elsewhere I will rip that huge boytoy out by his roots... I will save that until after menopause...heeeheeee

So you see, Mija...you are not afraid of what he does, you are just afraid of your ownself...just like I was...

Think about this, Mija, and other suggestions here, and then find your man and show him who is going to drive him over the edge of all his fantasies...

You can do it, Mija...so go to it,
Sandra_does...

[Mija's_Mommy]

Whoa, I wasn't trying to insinuate that Christians don't have sex, of course they do. Most Christians have very happy, fulfilling sex lives. I was just trying to give a bit of background information on myself. I was just saying that when I had sexual relations with my ex-boyfriend, I was not a practicing Christian, that was all I was getting at. I'm not having sexual intercourse again. No, I am not a "neat freak" in that I am a germ-a-phobe. I handle raw meat, clean up after my dog (yes the whole use a bag type), cleaned up after myself when I've had the flu, so I am not a person who fears germs. I have not changed a diaper, but I have cleaned a litterbox and clean up after my dog. I know they exist. I keep myself clean and wash my hands, but I don't fear germs. I just have a problem with semen inside me.

I have been on the pill for my face and to regulate my periods long before I ever had regulations with my ex. I have always had sporadic periods, and I have used the pill, the patch, and now Nuvaring. If I'm not on some type of birth control I will have super light periods or none at all, not to mention my face breaks out in acne. So, that explains the acne. I had my ex-boyfriend use condoms because I preferred the double approach to prevent pregnancy and he was experienced. He'd had his first sexual experience at sixteen, I was twenty before I ever had sex. I also felt more comfortable because there wasn't any semen inside me. I've taken these classes in both high school and college for several reasons. First of all, I've known about STDs for a long time, and I need to take credits outside my primary area. I am in the arts, so I need to take six credits of classes from other schools to get my degree. I took human sexuality because I had already taken parenting (I knew a lot about it already) in high school, and figured it would be a nice credit for me.

Yes, I was a virgin and it was very painful. It took three hours to even get past the primaries. He was very experienced and told me I pretty much bored him and sucked. I only did it three times, and figured I was not wild enough for him. I do not think a penis is ugly, I actually enjoy the sight, I just have a problem with the fluids part of it. I'm a weirdo, I know.

I did start getting counseling at seventeen, then my Medicaid ran out and I haven't been able to afford anything since.

[Mija's_Mommy]

I meant I was not having sexual intercourse again until I am in a serious relationship, sorry I cannot edit my above post at this time.

[Deliese]

Mija,

It's important that you seek professional help. Especially now while you are single. It will be almost impossible to keep a potential partner being grossed out by the thought of having sex.

Being sexual is very natural and healthy for both men and women. And feels great under normal circumstances What you experienced unfortunately is all to common and needs to be dealt with because you deserve to have a happy healthy sex life with yourself and a partner

You can see a sex therapist or a counselor who has worked with women that have been sexually abused. Do a Google search for your local area.

Good luck
Deliese

[Joy]

Ok so he was more experienced and a jerk to say he was bored if it was your first time. Maybe you were not ready for that first time and not relaxed enough.

Its a chemistry thing really.... you will meet a guy your brain won't let you stop thinking about and it will drive you wild Your body will crave his. Until then you do need to work on some of your hang ups.

Behavior therapy can help you with this.... seek out a good behavior theripist that will help end your aversion to seman. Good luck keep chattin