[ginger22]

Ok so I'm 17 and I've been with this guy for over a year. About a month ago I went on the depo shot and since I was on that me and my boyfriend decided that we were both ready to have sex together. It was my first time ever having sex.

Now, it's been a while since then and I don't regret it or want to take it back or anything. I'm actually kind of happy that we did it. Which is good, right? But the only problem I have is guilt. I feel guilty sometimes when I'm around my parents and friends. My parents have always been like hesitant when it came to boyfriends because they say "one thing leads to another and..." And some of my friends are like "no sex til after i'm married" So like if my parents or friends found out they would be soo disappointed in me. Of course, I don't plan on letting them find out but I just think about how upset they would be and it hurts. =(

So my question is, should I feel guilty? I don't regret it. I just feel guilty. I'm only 17 and most people I know feel that's too young, but I'm sure some of my firends do it, right? and no one looks at them any different. I sure don't. I mean I'm on birth control and we waited over a week after I got the shot, used a condom, AND he even pulled out. So there's no way I could get pregnant or anything like that right? Not to mention that we really do love each other and we both wanted to do it. I just don't want anyone to be disappointed in me =/

[WildChild]

In many states 17 is legal age. So long as you don't hurt anyone, don't regret things. It's a waste of energy. Other people do what is right for them, you have to do what is right for you. I was way younger than you!

[LanaBear]

Hon - you're gonna learn throughout life that there is no way in the world you are gonna be able to please everyone all of the time. You've been with this boy for over a year, you took all necessary precautions, you seem to have thought about this for a while. Those things alone are more than many girls do when they decide to have sex for the first time. Definitely more than I thought about, that's for sure.

Some may argue that at 17 you are too young, but it's inevitable. You're older than I was and I'm sure many others. Your parents may already have an idea that you are having sex, but maybe not. However, if my kid was dating someone for over a year, I'm sure I would assume they were and would talk to him and make sure if he was, he's at least being smart about it.

I don't think you should feel guilty at all. Sex is something to be cherished between two people. I wouldn't worry about how your friends feel, it's between you and him. If your parents ask, be honest. I'm sure they will at least be relieved that you took the precaution of BC, something more than a condom that may or may not get used in the moment of passion.

[OG612]

Guilt sucks. So don't feel guilty!

You did something that is completely natural. No one was coerced. No one was hurt. It was consensual. Proper precautions were taken.

Don't let anyone else force their beliefs on to you. If you personally feel that you should not have sex until marriage, then you violated your own code. But if you two truly do love each other, and are of the age of consent, and don't believe in putting any restrictions on expressing a passionate moment in a very beautiful way... then what do you have to feel guilty about?

You let your parents down? Forget that! It's not like you're out humping the Varsity Team until the break of dawn.

You let your friends down? I'd be willing to bet your friends lost theirs at 15 or 16 and never told anyone.

From a biological standpoint, you should have been having sex and making babies about five or six years ago. But the way society has evolved, and made to feel guilty by a guy wearing a funny white hat, we've slowed down the maturation process of developing minds. In doing so, we've also slowed the emotional growth and development of our kids.

If you want to have sex with your boyfriend, then have sex with your boyfriend. Just be responsible about it (like have already shown). And if he's wearing a condom and you're on birth control then don't worry about him finishing inside of you. You'll like the way it feels.

OG

[Na-Na]

To be honest, I see no reason at all for you to feel guilty. Seventeen isn't too young. As WildChild stated, in many states that's legal. If you're legally considered an adult, you're old enough to make decisions like that on your own.

[WildChild]

Actually a girl of 11 or 12 having a baby could be facing all sorts of problems, physical and emotional. Current research postulates that girls appear physically mature earlier than they are really ready to bear children safely, as a means of bringing them into the world of women to begin forming the communication and bonding with other women that they need to survive and raise children successfully in a more "natural" life (pre-industrial/agri) Young males actually achieve sexual maturity (the ability to impregnate) long before they start to look like a mature or maturing male. This allows them more time to learn and develop needed skills before they are perceived as competition or a threat by the mature males in their area or group, thus increasing their survival rate.

Research on brain development shows that a few 100 thousand years ago humans under went a change that truly differentiated them from others species. This is that in the teen years the brain under goes significant changes, these aren't completed until the mid 20's. So a human brain is not fully mature until then. The need to achieve this maturity is more important in the very complex world we live in. This development is what allows us to really reason, to look ahead and consider the results of our actions. It's an amazing process. Really Tolkien's Hobbits had it right, our "coming of age" would be more appropriate closer to 30 in terms of our emotional and mental maturity.

But I see nothing wrong with safe sex among teens, it's one of our strongest biological imperatives. Many social constraints were developed to suit the needs of a time when knowlege of reliable birth control methods were either unavailable or lost due to the destruction of cultures' medicinal chain of knowlege. Wars, plagues, colonization and witch hunts help lose that information. There are verbal records that indicate many Native American peoples had effective conception control methods but most of their healing and herbal knowlege was lost with the massive deaths due to exposure to European diseases that they had no immunity to or ability to treat.

Religion, cultural ritual and restrictions on sexual behavior were developed in part to control birth levels among the very young or those unable to support a child.

[ginger22]

Thanks for all your help everyone. I definately feel a lot better. Because, quite frankly, I don't want to feel guilty. =)

[Joy]

you have no need to feel guilty and you are 17 and you have to make choices and live by those choices for yourself. If your parents get mad if they find out its cause they are mad they've lost control of their lil girl. That their lil girl is becoming a woman right in front of their eyes. Parents want to protect their kids and they have a hard time letting go some of them. Other parents want their kids to develop independance early so they are well equiped to make adult or mature choices and how it will affect the rest of their life.

You thought a head used protection now just keep making smart choices

good luck

[Guest]

And some of my friends are like "no sex til after i'm married"

OMG that is so old fashioned
You really dont have anything to feel guilty about its your body and its up to you what you do with it

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I mean I'm on birth control and we waited over a week after I got the shot, used a condom, AND he even pulled out. So there's no way I could get pregnant or anything like that right? Not to mention that we really do love each other and we both wanted to do it. I just don't want anyone to be disappointed in me =/

You are an educated woman.. You are a woman.. if you weren't you wouldn't have had the shot, pull out method, fact is you are in love and you have nothing at all to feel guilty over.

People, family and friends will always speak their piece based on their "OWN" knowledge, you are smart you know what your doing..

Simple.

CW