[CHANDLERS WISH]

Agreed.

Miya

What you did was show the same thoughts as people that have gotten to know her.

Please do not apologise...

What you said was good, true and what we all feel.

I just know sometimes if Linds is down, she will cross at someone that posts...

But, she always gets it, ...

Thank you for your honest approach, with wisdom and care and alot of research before responding.

That is what this Forum is about.

CW

[GlitterAndStuds]

Ooh, I've been there. It wasn't too long ago that I was going through a weird stage where I would do stuff like that with people I didn't have those feelings for AT ALL... and there was always someone else in the back (or forefront) of my mind in the midst of it. From the sounds of it, this guy Marty that you talk about is probably that someone else, I'm assuming.

You said it yourself, that you think you're trying to fill a void, and I think that's exactly what it is. I'm drawing off my own experience though. I used to always go into that phase right after breaking up with someone, or having my heart broken, so I could feel like at least someone wanted to be with me, even if it was in that purely physical way. This guy made you feel wanted, especially since it was for 4 years, so you gave in.

Not good to do that though. It sounds like you know that giving in to that will really take a toll on you. It sounds like you're kind of grieving (for lack of a better word) in a way over Marty, saying that you might never get to be with him, etc.

[ThexMrs]

CW: How dare you! Lol... When I read what Miya wrote I wasn't upset. She has some valid points and I am about to respond to those, thank you very much!

These actions are very childish and immature.

True... But as CW said, you don't know me like a lot of other posters on here. You don't know the facts in my life or what I have been through to cause me to act out in ways that yes, can be immature.

(since you say this Illya forced you then why didn't you have him arrested for rape??).

I'm not going to jump the gun on this one but from the way it's worded, you make it sound like you are accusing me of falsifying that information. It's a fact. He did force himself on me in January of this year. Why didn't I have him arrested? Why didn't I have any one of the men who have assaulted me arrested? I don't have a backbone perhaps... I never thought that he meant to hurt me. I look for the good in everyone. As for the others who have. I didn't have the two of them arrested because they are my brother's fiances family and I didn't want to put up a roadblock in their relationship. I've always put everyone before myself. That's just the way it is, healthy or not.

You say this Marty chap is the one yet you have a boyfriend where you live now? On top of that you do all this with someone who disgusts you? That sounds like an addiction or complete lack of willpower to me.

Marty is the one. I don't have a single doubt about that. The thing is, we're not together and we may never be. That's a hard fact to swallow. As for whether or not he is the one isn't in question and shouldn't be. It's really irrelevant because we aren't together and I own him nothing in regards to not having relations with anyone else.

Do I have a boyfriend? Yes... That's a whole other story though.

Addiction, no. Lack of willpower... Not so much. For many upon many years I told myself that all I had to offer was my body. That no man would ever want anything more from me. (This was after I was first raped at 16 by my boyfriend) I built that up so that now I have a hard time getting away from it. I know I have a lot to offer but every now and again I fall back into the same line of thinking. At one point I used to think that I had to put out or send naked photos to keep my friends. I don't know why I began this pattern of thinking but I did nonetheless. Tell yourself something for so long and see if you don't believe it eventually.

My dear if you're old enough to be having sex like this then you're old enough to be responsible for those actions. Maybe consider counseling or at least talking to someone "in the flesh" instead of just on this board?

I've never not taken responsibility for what I do. I an adult, I do as I please and there are consequences for that. I am well aware. I just don't think a lot of times when I am in pain. I just act. That's something that I need to learn to deal with.

As far as counseling goes... Been there since I was 8 years old. In fact, a week ago I looked up getting a new counselor because I stopped seeing the last. We had no connection, no trust. The one before her was a man named Mike. He was the best counselor I ever had but he quit and moved into a new field. I felt so hurt, so abandoned. I cried when he told me and even afterwards. It's SO HARD to find someone that good. Someone you trust and can be honest with. He was a first for me.

CW: I can't even address what you said. I'm not giving Marty up. I can't. I won't. You know this! I don't know why you proceed to come back with this. It's fact. I love him. He loves me. That's that. (Don't mean to sound harsh - you know I love you)

Glitz: I relate to everything that you said and I think you are right for the most part. Thank you.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Yeah darlin, I do...

I just can't see why when two people ( not one ) TWO are so much in-sinc, that they can not find a way to be together, personally? I would move heaven and earth and be there, as I almost did.

I'm just finding it, have found it very difficult due to "caring", for you that there is no solution...

I would have bought you a ticket and had you with me if I was him, and looked after you, you don't eat much.

Your not harsh, I am entitled to get mad at things, it's called caring.

And, seriously? The above is the only reason why I don't like him because never, ever, have you come back and said we are working out a way, he has asked me to come to him for a month, anything, something that can make me believe in him as you do.

Shoot me later.

CW

[ThexMrs]

It's called, money... I'm sure you know how the Economy is here right now. He lost his job 6 weeks ago. They shut down the WHOLE office. Everyone there lost their jobs. His degree is in Mechanical Design. That's a narrow space to move in when looking for work. He has his house payment, his truck payment, his other bills. He barely makes it now.

I have come back with some better news though. He's been looking for work here but has yet to find a job. His field is so limited. Tonight we even talked about seeing each other when we saved up some money. Within the next 3 - 6 months. (That's a long time I know but it could be longer) We both want to see each other. We both want this to work out. It just hasn't so far but it will... I hope.

You may now be shot.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

You may now be shot.

Well madam, then you have a goal don't you...

And, as such, you don't need to fall back on past guys that hurt you do you...

You don't need to work yourself up and "need"...

Focus.

Your better than that,

Do I have to type Dr's thing about, that great big red two words?

I hope not.

CW

[ThexMrs]

Yes, I do... He knows that eventually we will be together and get married. It's just a fact of life. We were meant to be. It's obvious to us. Maybe no one else but we get it. I'm very excited for the future.

No, I suppose I don't need to fall back on men from the past. *sigh* Just Jared. Speaking of which, he's being a total dic these days.

I understand... STOP IT!

[Miya]

Lindsay,

CW and others were right in that I don't know you like they do nor have I been here long enough to have any real idea of what you've gone through. If anything I posted there offended you I sincerely apologize as that was not my intent.

Regarding the post about this Illya guy, I was not doubting you at all when you told of what he'd done to you. I've had gf's who had similar things happen and never could understand why they didn't report it to the police and was wondering the same. (one actually made it to my flat and I took her to hospital for treatment) That was all.

Again I humbly apologize for any offense that caused you. You definitely do post well and are able to write out your feelings. Thank you for sharing.


Miya

[GlitterAndStuds]

Well they do always say, good things come to those who wait. Sounds like you guys are being VERY patient in your relationship and ending up together someday. I hope you do.

This is just my own curiosity though... and I know you said Jared is a whole other story. There's no way to ask this without sounding judgy, but trust me, I'm not asking in that way at all. Anything that comes up, I've most likely been there and done that. I'm sure you've explained this story before but I haven't been able to go back that far in any of these threads. But how come you have this boyfriend when you're that crazy about Marty and making all these plans with him? I know there's that pesky distance thing, but I was just wondering.

[ThexMrs]

But how come you have this boyfriend when you're that crazy about Marty and making all these plans with him? I know there's that pesky distance thing, but I was just wondering.

That's a good question and don't worry. I don't feel judged. There is really no good explanation but the truth is the truth and that's what I shall give you.

When I met Jared he was just a friend and I was dating Marty still. Things with Marty had been going bad for a little while so I thought that I would go out and meet new people but strictly as friends. I met Jared and we began texting each other. Over text he was different than in person. He was short and just... Boring to be honest. I deleted his phone number and never thought about him again until he texted me a couple of days later. I wasn't sure if it was him or not so I tried to ask him his name without sounding as though I deleted him. Sad to say, he asked me if I had deleted him and I was honest. I said, yes. He then said that he hopes this time I will keep his number and we can see what happens. He also said that he hoped he was worth it. I totally felt guilty. I mean... Jared is HOT and he's a nice guy. He could have met someone else easily but still... I kept it. We started hanging out and then Marty cheated on me so as a devastated woman I kept Jared around. Over the months I kept hoping and hoping that my feelings for Jared would grow. We were together officially, we were having sex and hanging out but nothing was happening. I wanted to just keep hoping that they would come. Then last month, August 7th he came over, stayed the night and then he made love to me and something just clicked. My feelings changed. I felt something more for him, something different than I ever had. So now, my hope is that I get to the place where I fall in love with him and then I can forget about Marty. In the back of my mind I don't think that Marty will ever move here but I hope for that. Ugh... This is hard to explain. It looks as though Jared is my back up but if that really were the case I would have gotten someone who treats me better. Ever since I told Jared and I still have feelings for Marty, he's been really mean to me. He barely talks to me and when we made plans on Monday, he blew me off and didn't say anything until yesterday afternoon. When I told him, he took it so well so this behavior is shocking to me. I just don't know what to do.

I care about Jared and love him as a person.

I am IN LOVE with Marty though.

I don't want to hurt anyone but I have hopes with both.

Does that make any sense?