[Texinator]

Therein lies the difference. Masturbation is not an emotional activity for men.

You think about your boyfriend when you are touching yourself. Why not about some other guy? Why not about some dude from TV? Because you have an emotional connection with your boyfriend and this connection helps you get aroused.

Emotions don't do much for men during masturbation. If your boyfriend thinks about you while rubbing one out, he's likely not thinking about how sweet you are or how lucky he is to have you but about what you look like naked or what it's like to have sex with you.

Many men like variety when it comes to this type of stimulation. So if he also likes to look at porn and at other women, it is not YOU are not enough for him but that in that moment fantasizing about the same person is not enough for him. It has nothing to do with you.

It would be indicative of a problem with the relationship if he preferred porn over showing you affection and having sex. But since that's not the case you have nothing to worry about.

[dolphinlefty]

Thats the part that gets to me though, I mean mine is the same, he tells me all the things tex said above... over and over and how porn is boring and i'm so must more exciting and satisfying and I believe that... but whyyyyyyyy do they still do it when they are alone and 'ready to explode' -- do guys NEVER have the capacity to just rub one out WITHOUT staring at other women to make it happen?

I mean , I get it ... oh i do... I just find it annoying is all. I mean for me, looking at a still picture of a naked man would never lead me to an orgasm. Never...lol. Touches and being made to feel desired and wanted are what turn me on to get me there. And when I am alone I THINK of my mans touches and the way he makes me feel to get me there.

Its just hard not to feel inadequate, insulted, annoyed at the fact he is not capable of doing the same.

In other words it just bugs me that he needs OTHER women to have an orgasm when we're apart -- it does something to my heart.

I know exactly what you mean. I've explained that to my boyfriend, that that is how it makes me feel. That I would be turned off looking at another man to masturbate, but it's just like Tex says, it's not an emotional thing when guys are masturbating. It's a physical need for them and therefore not as connected to emotion as it is for girls. Try not to let it bother you so much because it will just hurt your relationship. It doesn't make sense to us woman, but how many times are there things that we do that just do not and never will make sense to our man? Like hormones, they know they're raging but WHY are we acting this way or that way. haha. I just cry and tell him how grateful I am he's still here despite the fact that I'm absolutely crazy, emotional, and rarely make sense. So... the least I can do is accept that fact that he needs that blond bimbo to help him not suffer physical pain. He tries to keep it hidden just for my sake, which I appreciate. But even still, sometimes I get curious and go snoopy. And sometimes I actually quite enjoying looking at the girls he's looking at. I guess I've just learned to not let it bother me.

[Texinator]

The world wouldn't be half as interesting if everything and everyone made perfect sense.

[Texasred]

He was probably thinking about how beautiful you looked.

The wonderful view is why Girl on Top is my favorite position.

X2

That is exactly and absolutely the truth!

[Hopeless Dork]

Ugh... I am pre-period. And whenever I get pre-period I get mad at him. He is so awesome to me in each and every way so the only thing that sets me off is the occasional porn usage.

I make him feel terrible about it, and often... because it makes me feel terrible. Most of the month I don't even think about it -- when I think about him doing it... it makes me feel like he just doesn't realize what an awesome thing he has if he has to look at other chicks.

Its irrational. I know it is. I know its fair for a guy to masturbate. I know its fair for him to fantasize about whatever he wants. I know that some need visual aids (like my bf) to do this.

Knowing it all, doesn't do a dang thing for my heart though. It still makes me sad. Yes, I know he loves me. Yes deep down I know he prefers me to all that junk. But yet and still all I have to is imagining him reaching orgasm to some random chick he's looking at and wanting to have sex with and I want to run for the hills.

And say.... fine.. Have vannessa and tanya and lucy and all the others , sit and look at their pictures all day long -- I am freaking done.

Now he never does it in front of me... unless we watch a dirty movie together. He deletes all traces of it -- I asked him to do this... so now there is cloud of me always assuming he's doing it because I don't see the evidence like I use to before I told him I did not want to see the evidence.

I didn't tell him to stop. I told him that I don't want to see it. Whats odd... I don't mind him looking at the porn movies we buy together. Or thumbing through magazines. I mind the internet junk. I mind it because its less random and more him specifically picking girls to do it to.

While its the same with the movies and mags... it FEELS different to me. Yep probably nutso but it just does... it feels like okay... its just random bodies. When its online its like oh he picked this girls gallery out of a million others he could have... what is so freaking special about her... That is who he wants... not me.

So my compromise is do the movies, do the mags and if you have to do the internet , don't leave it in the history... I don't want to see it. But the catch to that is... everytime I see the history cleared I have a fit. Because I know what he must have been doing.

Ugh, I probably need counseling... or to just be single if I can't handle the thought of me, myself never being enough for one man... enough that he doesn't even WANT to masturbate to other women. I imagine there is no such guy out there. And if he is, he is taken by one of you ladies...lol.

My guy is 100 percent awesome and I love him with all my heart. But I have a fear that I am just gonna bail over stupid porn junk one day. And it will be my loss as much as his. I hope against hope it doesn't get to that point. For both our sakes.

When I am about to start my period it all seems worse. I am more upset about it than usual.

[Texinator]

Ugh, I probably need counseling... or to just be single if I can't handle the thought of me, myself never being enough for one man... enough that he doesn't even WANT to masturbate to other women. I imagine there is no such guy out there. And if he is, he is taken by one of you ladies...lol.

There are men that make it a point to abstain from not only porn but even masturbation while they are in a relationship.

But the way you talk about your boyfriend, how awesome he is and how much you love him, I really don't think you need to go on a search for one that stays away from porn and masturbation.

Maybe you just need to go on a search for the source of those strong feelings of inadequacy and find out why porn triggers them so easily.

[WildChild]

HD, Tex makes a good point. I know we've talked about this before, the way someone near and dear to me explains it is that looking at women is like looking at art. He enjoys looking but that's all it is.

Is your cycle pretty regular? Can you start marking on your calendar and maybe come up with some ways to counter this hormonal reaction? You really should check out The Woman's Advantage Diet, it's not just about weight but about working with your hormonal fluctuations to stay healthy and balanced. Diet can have a big effect. Then also create some good self talk for yourself. I'll see if I can come up with some to share and then talk with this good man and explain that your tollerance for this varies with your cycle and ask him to help you out with this. He can see it on your calendar and perhaps back off on the porn and give you some extra attention?

[TEX86]

I tried this so many times. It is the best way when i am satisfied. but after my baby it is too hard.

[WildChild]

This should probably be another thread but why?

[Hopeless Dork]

You know porn DOES trigger feelings of inadequecy in me. And I guess it always has. I remember being a little girl and going to my dads work and him and the guys he worked with had rows of half naked ladies taped to the walls in their work areas.

I remember it made me mad that he had these. I remember feeling like he shouldn't be looking at those women, that he should only have my moms picture. I remember feeling weird every single time I was in there. Weird and mad my dad for having them.

I remember a guy in high school I was dating who had porn pictures on his wall as well, pretty typical. I remember one time we were having sex and I looked back at him to see him staring at his wall. I remember my heart sinking thinking I was just some sort of extended form of masturbation - he was looking at them, thinking of them and I was just providing a place for him to put his penis.

Then I spent years not dating, years, and was overweight and my self-esteem plummetted. I got myself in great shape, it took me a couple years but I finally got the body I'd always wanted. But deep in my heart I still feel like I am not pretty enough, that my stretch marks are too ugly... etc.

My boyfriend makes me feel so special and so loved. He gives me all his attention and time, he respects me, is a fantastic lover, makes me laugh, holds me when I am sad, never holds a grudge, always forgives me, cooks for me, cuddles me as much I need cuddling, tells me the sweetest things that melt my heart, takes care of me... and for that I give him 100% of me.

Then all it takes is me seeing the history has been cleared on the computer and suddenly I feel like I don't want to be with him anymore. That he doesn't really love me, that he'd rather look at other girls when he's alone than think of me... and I just want to give it all up, for that. And I know I would be unhappy if I left him, and I know he would be very unhappy too.

Everytime I get riled about it... I eventually get over it and move on and forget, then when it happens again I am right back to all the same feelings.

And WC my period is very regular, and I can almost pinpoint the day I am going to get mad about porn... even if I haven't felt he's been doing it... just remembering the other times I saw it is enough to make me feel awful and unloved. But even knowing I am going to feel that way doesn't make it any easier to not feel that way.