[Tango]

I have always known my DH looks at porn since we first started dating (and way before). He used to subscribe to playboy and never hid it from me. I stumbled upon his computer collection and for some reason feel insecure about it and have no reason to be. We have a great sex life and emotional connection. I asked him about it and he said it's just something he's always looked at since he had internet access. I want to be ok with it, but feel a little crazy. I do not want to change his habits, I want to change my reaction. Any idea what I should do to feel better about his browsing?

[nightqueen]

Tell him that next time he's looking at it you want to join in. Then it can be something you do together. You might really like it.

[Tango]

ameteur porn vs professional porn

Tell him that next time he's looking at it you want to join in. Then it can be something you do together. You might really like it.

I offered to watch it with him and he didn't bite (he gets nervous about trying new things with me such as sex toys etc. - I have to show that I really really want it, and I don't really really want to watch porn). I watched it on my own and actually found most of it to be boring... I wasn't offended or turned on, just completely indifferent. Watching the typical scripted acted out more progessional porn didn't bother me at all.

I found a video of the Carrie Prejean solo act and for some reason this one bothered the out of me. I don't know why, maybe it's because she seems to be too much of "the girl next door" in the tape or that it's more ameteur. I just wouldn't want his porn repertoire to start to include girls he could actually one day meet, even though he wouldn't cheat on me, I feel like it is a learned fear from past relationships that I can't get rid of.

[rcoreyus]

I think if you have a great sex life and emotional connection, don't worry. Porn is a problem if it affects those things. Its too bad he won't watch with you though.

[caterpillar79]

You cannot change anything but the way you perceive it. That being said, condition yourself that it is not a big deal. Sex life is great, why worry?

On the second thought, I feel for you. I would certainly feel that way. Thus, i would tell him how I feel, period. And then I would make some effort in developing a live and let live attitude about it. those are all fantasies, and you are real.

Are you open to watching it with him?

[Tango]

You cannot change anything but the way you perceive it. That being said, condition yourself that it is not a big deal. Sex life is great, why worry?

On the second thought, I feel for you. I would certainly feel that way. Thus, i would tell him how I feel, period. And then I would make some effort in developing a live and let live attitude about it. those are all fantasies, and you are real.

Are you open to watching it with him?

No I don't watch with him, but I offered. I'm not that into it and he hasn't taken my offer so I haven't brought it up again. He does know how I feel- part of me sees it as no big deal, and the other part worries. I worry about everything though. Thanks for the reassuring advice.

[Texinator]

Many guys like porn for the visual stimulation and the variety it offers. But porn is just a fantasy world. Him watching porn doesn't mean he doesn't love you or isn't turned on by you.

If he were to prefer masturbating to porn over having sex with you then it would be time to worry, and then there could be a variety of reasons, but as long as that's not the case I think it's perfectly harmless.

[caterpillar79]

Tex made a good point. Keep an eye open though. Addictive habits are hard to deal with.

If you feel okay with this...please tell us what worries you about his porn. Express your feelings to us. Maybe venting would help? Maybe walking you through your emotions will further help you evaluate your issues?

You don't have to do this if you don't feel like it. But if you do, pour it out here. We'll 'listen'.

[caterpillar79]

Here is a post about porn from another thread. You are lucky your sex life is great. I just thought of posting it here - maybe, it will help alleviate something.

https://www.womens-health.com/boards/sex/12597-sex-deprived.html#post132638

[Futureboy]

DHs Paradigm and yours are different hence why you have different views. Men are stimulated much more visully than women.

Most guys I know are quite secretive about their porn stash with their wives. The wives know, they know they know but it's not really discussed.

Nuts and Zoo Magazine (topless stuff) in the UK found their readership increased once they started to put in the girl next door type. They seem more attainable, they are not.

He just has a preference for this style of porn, there is a lot worse out there.

You don't want to watch it and he doesn't want to watch it with you. He's a good DH not a perfect one, nobody is.

If you tell him not to watch it one of two things will happen:
He will watch it and not telling you or he will resent being told what to do

I can only suggest you temp him away from the porn a little more. Porn is no more real than Brad Pitt wondering around with his top off or Spiderman or what ever. Some men look at cartoon porn. It's not real

He loves you and he probably already feels guilty about it.