[Explorer44]

So I see so many posts about mismatched sex drives - and I admit I've had that experience too.

Why do you think this happens to us? It is that we don't ask enough questions up front? It is because we 'wait and see'? Is our judgment clouded by the initial rush of emotions?

What's your take on this?

[WildChild]

This is tough. Sometimes it is a cloud of emotions, you think that you are still getting to know each other and it will get better in time and sometimes times it does. BUt often times it doesn't. As time passes people are so emotionally invested and have so much time into each other, that it is difficult to separate.

Other times you can start off really in sync, it all works great and then something changes. Those are the hardest, I think. You keep believing it's temporary and will shift back. Again as time passes and your lives are more entwined it gets harder to admit it isn't going to improve and walk away.

[jvincze]

So I see so many posts about mismatched sex drives - and I admit I've had that experience too.

Why do you think this happens to us? It is that we don't ask enough questions up front? It is because we 'wait and see'? Is our judgment clouded by the initial rush of emotions?

What's your take on this?

Men and Women are so vastly different in their make-up, but one thing that tends to stand out when it comes to absolute sex and feeling sexual and horny is the 'T' factor. Yes, Testosterone. It really is quite simple, ypu take away the 'T' and you will take away the desire.

[Explorer44]

I don't think it's purely a testosterone issue, and I'll bet the men will be coming along to second that!

Sometimes it seems there are so many who are suffering (or finding alternatives for their suffering) in the physical arena. Hence my question.

I know whereof I speak...My 5 year marriage had exactly 1.5 months of sex all at the start. The man I dated exclusively following my divorce proposed to me. We were together for over 2 years. He claimed he did not want to engage in acts of penetration due to his spiritual beliefs, but was fine with 'finishing' orally or by manual stimulation ( which according to his denomination would also not be ok-nice double standard). However, he would go literally months without showing the slightest physical interest.
So I have literally passed YEARS of my life trying to be the 'good girl' but blessed with a high drive, and now I'm over it. I cannot believe anyone would try to get involved in a relationship and not think that sexual compatibility would be a factor at some point....

[WildChild]

Over the high drive or over doing without?

Men with low testosterone will certainly have a low interest in sex and may not even think about it.

Studies that look at brain activity have found that there is a fair percentage of women who's brains show that they experience arousal but they are essentially unaware of it. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that there are men who have done this as well although it's probably not as common.

The question is what is a "normal" sex drive? Who decides? What I would like to have be normal may be someone else's idea of a nightmare. A couple times a day sounds good to me. I don't get anything remotely close to it but it sounds good.

[Texinator]

What's your take on this?

Sometimes we tell ourselves that there are more important things than sexual compatibility or that it will work itself out eventually and sometimes the compatibility simply change sin the middle of a relationship and we hope that things will go back to how they once were.

[Texinator]

A couple times a day sounds good to me.

That seems normal.

[Texasred]

...Other times you can start off really in sync, it all works great and then something changes. Those are the hardest, I think. You keep believing it's temporary and will shift back. Again as time passes and your lives are more entwined it gets harder to admit it isn't going to improve and walk away.

No kidding!
Sometimes I wonder if there isn't a little (or more than a little) playacting involved at the start of a relationship - if not downright deception - but then once you've been to the church together, well, no more need for acting!

You've heard the joke: "How does a woman tell you she's not going to give you any more (insert crude expression for oral sex here)?
"She says, 'I do!'"

And I wonder if there isn't more than just a grain or two of truth in that. I don't think it's a case of mis-matched sex drives so much as it is a case of the playacting ending, for whatever reason, and those reasons can be pretty complex too.

In my own case, I can only guess at what the reasons may be, but I know something has certainly changed, and not for the better.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Mis-matched at the beginning?

One person lies about what they are like.
There is no discussion about preferences, thoughts before it happens.
The Woman jumps in bed too soon and settles.


After some time?

It's not mis-matched if none of the above apply.

Rather, one partner falls out of love.
Looses their sex drive.
In-security or past enters and they can't jump over it.

That's my thoughts just off the top of my head, I am sure there are more.

CW

[Steph33]

People don't communicate to see if compatible first. The best time to find out instead of after in a relationship, married, etc. A 1 nighter it works out most of the time, but often not in the long run.