[WildChild]

In my own case we spent hours and hours discussing our sexual interests, past activities (have you ever?) desires and such. We were on the same page. The first few months were amazing. Then some things happened that had nothing to do with "us" as a couple but were the actions of others; he had trouble with one of his kids and his ex, I had trouble with my kid's father and my recent ex and he started pulling back. I could almost hear the door clanging shut.

We talked about it, he admitted he had things to work on and I said I'd give him time to do it. Sex went from every chance we got to an average of every 10 days, from being very tender, loving and intense, to just physical. Lately he's been losening up just the tiniest bit.

It's been very difficult because it essentially puts me in a box. I may talk a lot but am still cautious as to how much of my true self I show. People tend to get one facet or another and always have. I know as part of my development and growth that has to change, At first I opened up more to him than I have to anyone, being shut down really hurt but I knew it wasn't me.

It wasn't a matter of either misrepresenting so much as old knee jerk reactions kicking in. With awareness I hope we will work around it. On a emotional/spiritual level we are very connected. That can't be altered or walked away from easily.

[Explorer44]

That's what I'm saying, I guess.

I'm not saying that I have the answers, I'm just seeking the musings of others.....

[WildChild]

It is an issue. An important one, probably more important than most give creidt for. I think too many people, at least in the US, lead emotionally marginalized lives. We are afraid to really love, to feel with intensity, to experience the erotic fully (that goes beyond sex), We numb ourselves with media, alcohol, drugs, even religion, anything to try to keep from knowing how much we've limited ourselves and what we are missing. We tell outselves we are bring "good" or "doing what is right", we plug into a pattern of behavior that pretty much ensures we will end up in a rut sexually and otherwise. We lack joy and delight in each other.

[Explorer44]

It is an issue. An important one, probably more important than most give creidt for. I think too many people, at least in the US, lead emotionally marginalized lives. We are afraid to really love, to feel with intensity, to experience the erotic fully (that goes beyond sex), We numb ourselves with media, alcohol, drugs, even religion, anything to try to keep from knowing how much we've limited ourselves and what we are missing. We tell outselves we are bring "good" or "doing what is right", we plug into a pattern of behavior that pretty much ensures we will end up in a rut sexually and otherwise. We lack joy and delight in each other.

Thank you for that...I completely agree. That's it exactly it. And I've reached a point where I don't want to do that any more. I hope others on this forum will take the opportunity to discover this as well! We could be vibrant, sensual, happy....imagine!

[Texasred]

I think too many people, at least in the US, lead emotionally marginalized lives. We are afraid to really love, to feel with intensity, to experience the erotic fully (that goes beyond sex), We numb ourselves with media, alcohol, drugs, even religion, anything to try to keep from knowing how much we've limited ourselves and what we are missing. We lack joy and delight in each other.

You pretty much nailed it there, except that from what I've seen, this isn't limited to the U.S.

"Emotionally marginalized"? Yep, that's me, at least until very recently.
I'd still most days rather work on metal or machines than talk to another person.
I'm probably the last person over the age of 12 in this country who doesn't have a cell phone!

[WildChild]

This has been part of the thought process I've been exploring lately. I'm hoping the LOML will start to open up again so we can explore it together more tangibly. If not I will have re-examine sticking around. Tantra addresses many aspects of this but may be more formal than what I'm searching for.

[Explorer44]

This has been part of the thought process I've been exploring lately. I'm hoping the LOML will start to open up again so we can explore it together more tangibly. If not I will have re-examine sticking around. Tantra addresses many aspects of this but may be more formal than what I'm searching for.

LOML?

[Texinator]

Love Of My Life

[WildChild]

In my case: light of my life.

I've seen his aura, so I prefer "light"

[Explorer44]

Oh sorry! Thank you for clarifying. Funny I've never encountered that one before...If there is a blushing smilie, >insert here<